For some reason, I have macaroni pieces on my mind.  Remember when we were kids, and we used to spend a fair amount of our time doing “Arts & Crafts” in school, and at camp, or in Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts, and such?

We used to take macaroni pieces and glue them to paper, and color them with paint or markers to make a picture.  Early brushes with mosaics.  Lots of pieces fitting together to make something beautiful and complete.

Or, how about pipe cleaners.  There used to be whole art classes devoted to conjuring figures out of pipe cleaners.

Then the ultimate construction project with popsicle sticks, or Quaker Oat boxes, or toilet paper cardboard rolls.  Cutting strips of construction paper and weaving them into place mats.  Paper plate art.  Hand-print-finger-paint pictures of turkeys, and rabbits, and butterflies, or whatever.

My personal favorite…. the clay ashtray.  Oh, every time we had a clay ashtray project, I would be happy as a pig in the mud.  And there was no shortage of people to receive this awesome hand made gift.  Everybody smoked, everywhere.

As adults, we just don’t sit down and do the arts & crafts like we used to.  Not most of us.  The world needs more clay ashtrays, I’ll tell you. And popsicle benches.  And pipe cleaner people skiing, or playing tennis.  It is like having a Coke and a Smile.

I would like to think that these things would make the world a better place.  But.  But I think it is going to take a heck of a lot more than Elmer’s Glue to fix the sum of things on this earth of ours.

You see, tonight I watched 60 Minutes on CBS and it scared the holy-heck right out of me.  Not so much the part about the Laser Weapons in outer space.  What really shook me was the father of the Syrian family, weeping, because he had to risk the life of every single person in his family, for them to flee Syria together.  On a ramshackle boat.  All because everyone there in Syria, “everyone, has turned into monsters. No one loves anyone here anymore.  No one.  There is no love.”  And he wept.

And I wished I could scoop them up and take them away from there.  And sit down with them, and make macaroni pictures.  To take all those little pieces and put them together to make a whole picture that was beautiful, and that made sense.  I wanted to watch those kids smile again.  That’s what I wished.

Today’s big excursion started bright and early before the crack of dawn.  Yes, I was up before the roosters.  I could not contain the excitement.  A Chicken Show was on the horizon, and I was ready.

We started at The Eaton Place for breakfast. Of course, I had my standard fare of chicken eggs…. 3 of them this morning.  However, this seemed somewhat muddled and conflicted… given the day ahead.  But those eggs were OH-SO-GOOD.

Then, Northward Bound we traveled.  We drove through the rain, up to the Darke County Fairgrounds. It was quite busy there.  Yet, our exploratory skills took us right to the Chicken Show.  As we approached the building… I said to Mary… “Oh my holy-heck.  It sounds like someone is murdering those chickens in there.”  She laughed at my naivety.  “Some of them can be quite vocal,” she suggested.

So, in the building we went.  And, no, no, no.  They were not being murdered at all.  They were simply conversing. Like Chickens Do.  I found the instigator of the whole deal, I think.  It was a large Chinese Goose in the very first row.  Apparently, he had learned one English word… and repeated it incessantly.  “What…..  What…..  What….. What.”

Well… just ask any old chicken the question “What?” and she will surely tell you.  At length.

At any rate, we had a blast, meeting all the chickens, (and ducks, and geese, and such.)  It was more of fowl show, than just a chicken show.

But I can tell you quite assuredly, I am now a PROUD Member of the American Poultry Association.  Dues paid. Card in hand.

I nearly bought a scruffy little chicken. which I had already named Phyllis, but I was dissuaded.   As the morning passed, I was enthralled with all these lovely creatures… except for the guinea chickens.  Not so crazy for them.

The best part… was that a few of them actually laid eggs… RIGHT before my EYES.  Imagine my glee, and jubilation.  I jumped for joy.  Now. This would be akin to seeing Ronald McDonald in a cage, and witnessing a Big Mac appear mysteriously from his underside. …. on a sesame seed bun….

How could the day have been any better?  We’ll I will tell.  The next stop was The Dog Show, at the Preble County Fairgrounds.

Chickens AND dogs in ONE day.

But at the dog show, I had a tremendous interaction with a Champion Golden Retriever named Dillon.  We sat and talked for as long as his handler would allow us.  He was truly Golden.

I can only say that this was better than Christmas, fresh baked chocolate chips cookies, and sandy beaches… all rolled into one.

Much more excitement, and I would have peed.  In fact I am pretty worn out from all of this.  So I have to make like a chicken… and get the cluck out of here.

There are gifts all around us, I’ll tel you.  Sometimes we don’t feel like seeing them, or appreciating them.  But those gifts are there.  All for the goodness of our hearts and souls.

Call them whatever the heck you want.  Blessings.  Good Fortune.  Luck.  The Grandiose Gifts from the Gods.  The nomenclature doesn’t really matter.

They are the-good-stinking-things in life.

Now… they can fall out of the sky from anywhere, or spring out of the ground.  Or they could be sitting next to you every night at the dinner table.  But not only are they outside of our personal being, and everywhere around us… they… most certainly….are inside too.

We are smart.  We can speak, eat, pee, hear, sing, breathe, walk, hop and touch our index fingers to our noses.  The numbers of our gifts are pretty infinite really.  All the way down to how our white blood cells fight infections, or how the messages in our brains, from neurons and such, travel at about 270 mph.  Yes, we are speedy thinkers.  Some speedier than others.

So imagine my delight and surprise when I sped past this sign on my way home the other day.  I screeched on the brakes, and did a Starsky & Hutch 180-spin with my car. (Or… for the younger generation… “The Fast & Furious” Vin Diesel slam-stop.)  I pulled into the parking lot… hopped out of my car…. and did the Chicken Dance for Joy.  Yes, right there in the parking lot.

A Chicken Whisperer.  Who KNEW?  A Chicken WHISPERER!  How the heck does THAT work?  Now SURELY….& TRULY…. this  is a Grandest and Greatest Gift from the Chicken Gods.  I can only imagine what this may mean for ME!  St. Brigid, Patron Saint of Chickens….Thank YOU.

I am MOST CERTAINLY attending, and I am bringing a HUGE egg basket, and maybe even a skillet.  Oh what a day it will be.

Perhaps I should even go out and by a Chicken. And take that Chicken with me.

Yet… all of this begs the question.  Do chickens have ears?  And if they do not… how does one whisper to a chicken.  I guess I will find out.  Another blessing to look forward to….

“Scientists have calculated that the chances of something so patently absurd actually existing are millions to one.   But magicians have calculated that million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten.”  ― Terry Pratchett, Mort

Thanks for listening to MPR Radio.  Monkey-ish Primate Radio:  Where every voice can be heard… from Bonobos to Sockmonkeys.”

And now a word from our Sponsor…. Perplexerall.  One Pill Does it All.  Perplexerall.

Sometimes, only words like “thwarted” will do. Or “quashed.”

Is your monkey feeling down and out?….  “Clobbered”, or even perhaps “Pummeled.”

Even Good Monkeys have Bad Days.  Days which could make a monkey feel… Enervated.  Jaded.   In some cases hackneyed. Tattered.

On Days Like THESE…. Let Perplexerall Work FOR YOU!  Too many side effects to mention in this 15-second radio spot.  Please consult your doctor before taking Perplexerall.  The side effects could kill ya’.

And now back to our regularly scheduled show…  The Magic Power of Bananas: Peel the Magic.

Yeppers.  There are days like those.  It feels like a wrench hit the working monkey.  Or is it… someone threw a monkey wrench in the works.

Either way… when the monkey looks this bad…. when there simply is no sock left in his monkey butt … it can only mean that things got so crazy… even the bananas left the bunch.

BUT.  But, But, but….. here is the thing to remember.  When we are having the crappiest of days… when things seem to being going in the wrong direction… WE have the power not to make it any worse.

We have the power to find a way to make….. at least….  part of it better.  WE are capable of seeing at least one good thing about that day.  Any day.  I truly believe we do.

Blessed are the hearts that can bend; they shall never be broken. – Albert Camus

I write about the power of trying, because I want to be okay with failing. I write about generosity because I battle selfishness. I write about joy because I know sorrow. I write about faith because I almost lost mine, and I know what it is to be broken and in need of redemption. I write about gratitude because I am thankful – for all of it.  –  Kristin Armstrong

When the grandkids were a little younger… like about 12 years ago… we used to talk about what our Super Powers would be if we were Super Heroes.  We had a notebook full of this stuff.

Oh, we knocked around everything.  You could have ANY Super Power you wanted.. anything you could dream up.  BUT.  You could  possess only one super power.  That is the way of The Powers after all.

So, in my Zen self… I would think… Infinite Healer… or Super Psychic.   But the implications of those could be enormous.  Monumental.

Super strength or speed. Flame thrower.  Ice Maker.  Storm Creator.  Anything.

I typically settled on Shape Shifter.  Yep. That’s me the old Shape Shifter. I think it would be a great deal of fun to turn into “This” or “That” at will.  Or any “Who”….  (That’s where there phrase comes from, by the way.  When people say… “Well…Any Who.”)

Digressing again. Dang it.

Shape Shifter.  I could turn into an ANY WHO.  I could warp into  a turtle, or a speed skater, or a ballerina… or Jeb Bush… for all that matters.  Now this, is where it gets complicated.  So.  When you shape shift into a Dolphin, can you swim and breathe like a Dolphin, or do you still have your normal qualities, and just LOOK like a Dolphin?  If you get their characteristics…. the Shape Shifter would be best.  You could shape shift into any Super Hero… if that were the case.  And be super strong, or fast, psychic.

I have so many questions and I can’t find my Super Hero Manual anywhere.

But truth be told.  It really doesn’t matter.  We are mere mortals.  We have our very own “Any Who’s” and that is it.
But, that begs the question.. ….. … how “mere” is mere?  And just “Who” is in your Any Who?

We are who we are.  Each one of us.  And in that… we EACH have our very OWN Super Powers.  No Shape Shifting Necessary. I really believe this is true.  I have SO many friends, and family, and acquaintances… who are full of Super Power.  They are… simply amazing.

They may not leap tall buildings.. but I’ve seen them over come huge obstacles.  They may not fly through the air, but they soar through life.  All sorts of great qualities.

And that’s the trick,…. finding our talents…. and flying with them.  Finding our good, and make it worthwhile.  Seeing our “one” thing (or “ten” things) and making a difference.

That is Heroic.  In the most Epic of Proportions.

One of my biggest life lessons is this:  I still have a lot to learn.

Dag nab it.
Lord knows I try.
But around every bend comes a new thing, a new situation, one that I possible couldn’t have seen coming.  I’m not talking about monumental, life-altering experiences.  No. Those deserve a Month-of-Sundays-of-Blogs.

I am talking about Little Things. When I say something stupid, or when I commit to doing something… which I later regret.  It is about how I react when my teacup gets rattled.  Or losing my entire Cool-Whip over tiny things.   You know…. times when the packing tape gets all stuck together, or when an entire dozen of chicken eggs drop on the floor.

I guess my biggest glitch, is that I get stuck on it. Whatever that “it” may be.  Yes.  I have a lot to learn.  Oh, that Frozen Movie said it again, and again, and again, and again… and…… …. well… you know.  The song is so burned in my mind… I can’t even say it out loud.  I have to SAY it in Pig Latin….. Et-lay It-tay oh-gay.
But…. …. Emerson did it better.

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

So the important thing, I suspect, it to truly make amends when we need to.  With others, and with ourselves.  And then get back to the seeing the bright side of life.  I defer to Ms. Browning…..

“Earth’s crammed with heaven… But only he who sees, takes off his shoes.”
― Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Yep. Take your shoes off and stay awhile.  Color with crayons.  Sing a happy song.  Spin around in circles.  Eat ice-cream.  Roll down a hill.  Laugh.  Be Alive.  Notice.

“Genius is nothing more nor less than childhood recaptured at will.”
― Charles Baudelaire

I successfully used a Coupon today.  This is big dang news. You see, I am not a Coupon User.

Now, I think the Coupon is a wild and wonderful thing, in fact.  They are amazingly great…. as you can save dimes, quarters, dollars, and such.  Yep.  I have heard of people saving hundreds of dollars with coupons.

But alas.  You could even say… Woe Is Me… when it comes to coupons.  I just don’t have the right kind of brain for it.  The deal with the Polly-Head is this.  IF I see a coupon that might be relevant to my shopping needs, I think…. Oh, that would be handy to use the next time I buy the Big-Kahuna-Bag of Fried Cheeto Snacks.  But then, the trouble begins.  By the time I make it to the drawer… where I keep the scissors… to clip the coupon… I have been side-tracked by filling the water bowls for the dogs, getting a nail and hammer, to hang that picture of Van Gogh….once and for all….  and finally, stopping by the refrigerator to see if we have plenty of chicken eggs on hand.

Eventually … I find myself at the scissor drawer, and I have absolutely NO idea why I stand before the drawer… in reverence and awe.  But… let’s say I do come up with the memory of a coupon, and I actually make it BACK to the source of the coupon.    WITH the scissors. And then I CLIP the SAID coupon.

The next battle begins.  Making the decision where to put the coupon….. so that I will be sure to use it the next time I go to buy Colossal Cheetos.  Hey.  How about in my PURSE! Brilliant.

Another challenge, and adventure begins at this point.  Getting the coupon to my purse without becoming distracted by stopping and checking the thermostat, taking the recyclables out to the garage, and seeing that the shelves in the entryway need to be dusted.  Perhaps….. you are seeing a pattern, I might guess.

But, if the coupon does get to my purse, the chances that I will have any recollection of the existence of this piece of golden paper…. as I stand in line at the grocery…. while I am snacking on a Big-Bertha-Bag of Cheetos while I wait in line…. IS SLIM to none.

You see, I am munching prematurely to get my strength up for the bagging process.  I love to bag groceries.  It fulfills my High-Spacial-Awareness IQ.

At any rate….I get distracted… because the waiting is getting to me.  It has been the slooooowwwww line because the lady in front of me is one of those Coupon Clippers, with the huge flipping wallet of coupons… and she is holding things up… …  with all these coupons.  That should probably mean something to me…..  but alas…..

A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore. –Yogi Berra

Never spend your money before you have it. –Thomas Jefferson

Wealth is the ability to fully experience life. –Henry David Thoreau

From the time he was very, very, young…. in fact… from the time he was just one of three-thousand eggs in the egg-string out of his mother, Floyd dreamt of being the All-Mighty Pond Filler.

As a little Tadpole, he made sure he became the fastest and most furious swimmer of his 2,978 brothers and sisters.  Many of them became fish food.  But not Floyd. He swam swiftly, and hid well.

He had a dream.  Pond Filler.  The One and Only Pond-Filler.  This was King of All Things. It was far more important than the Lilly-Pad-Fairy, or the Fly-Catcher.  The Stories and Legends of all the Pond Fillers at Frog Pond were … well…. quite legendary.  Despite popular belief, those ponds don’t fill up on their own.

There was Ferdinand, and Frederick, and the most famous Filler….  Fritz. A close second is Fabian, but Fabian was blonde, so that was one big ding against him.  BUT…., but Fritz was the First.

Yes, Fritz was the original Pond Filler.  He was given charge to watch over the filling ritual, by a Human 12-year-old boy, named Jan Van der Heiden, The year was 1652, in Amsterdam. Van der Heiden invented the Hose.
Since that time, Pond Fillers are second to none.  The Royals.  If a girl kisses a Pond Filler, her lips get wet with pond water.  The whole “turning into a prince” thing is Frog-Wash.

So, on Floyd’s Second Birthday, he took part in the Pond-Filler Contest.  Everyone thought he was much too small… and a little bit over ambitious.  But despite the world’s misgivings….. Floyd won with ease.  He has been Pond-Filler since and…. now at the ripe old age of 11 years…. defends his Title annually.

He is a kind and benevolent Pond Filler, smiling and waving at all the Pond Residents as he fills.  He never spares a drop.

Anyway… the job of the Pond Filler is to watch over the hose while the water goes in.  The human turns the water on and off, but the filler watches.  He guards that hose.  And that is Floyd’s proud and glorious job.

He stands Guarding Hose.

So the reason I tell you this story is because….. all these years…. you have been saying it wrong.  It is NOT called a Garden Hose.  It is called Guarding Hose… because of the Pond Fillers and their Guarding of Hoses.

I learned this on the World Wide Web-feet.  I always leap at the chance to share this life-bending information with you.  Better than the TED Talks, I’ll tell you.  And the TOAD Talks.

You’re Welcome.

“A great man is always willing to be little.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

You can grab something by the reins, and do your best to drive it.  But sometimes, the team of horses have a mind of their own.

At any moment, the “anything” can happen.

People say it all the time.  “Well.. anything could happen.”  They are right.

It is impossible to harness the unexpected.  Because it is just that.  The unexpected.

I know. I’ve said it all before, in a hundred different ways.  But it is true.

Here is the moment.  This moment.  Take notice.  See the sights, and smell the smells.  For it has never been this exact way ever before, and it will never be this exact way ever again.

And above all, believe in the impossible.

We all need to laugh.  It is good for the soul.  It is good for your fish if you have sole.  In fact… I like to have a good belly-laugh.  But it takes a lot for me….

Hey, You want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it’s pretty cheesy.

Maybe I shouldn’t tell any jokes tonight, because….. actually, I am not feeling very funny.

Let’s talk about Preble County and all our good farmers.  We have a lot of them…. here in this county, I’ll tell you.  Today…. I met a farmer in a field pretty near us.  He was with his cows…. and counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up…..he had 200.

Alright, alright.  A good friend of mine is the sheriff here in town.  And YES… we have a pretty good sized jail.  The other night… I was going up to talk something over with Sheriff Mike.  Just THEN….. there was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down, he sneered at me, and I thought……. well that’s a little condescending.

Also up at the jail was a guy they recently caught.  Did you hear about him.  He was The Mexican train killer? Well…. he had locomotives.

Okay, enough about the county.  Let’s talk about me.

You all know I love music.  Well… here’s a new deal.   I started a band called 999 Megabytes — we haven’t gotten a gig yet.

I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.

Okay, enough of this silly soup.

It is getting late and I love to have a snack before bedtime.  Always fruit.  I love fruit.

Tonight… simply got away from me.

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like banana.