From the time he was very, very, young…. in fact… from the time he was just one of three-thousand eggs in the egg-string out of his mother, Floyd dreamt of being the All-Mighty Pond Filler.

As a little Tadpole, he made sure he became the fastest and most furious swimmer of his 2,978 brothers and sisters.  Many of them became fish food.  But not Floyd. He swam swiftly, and hid well.

He had a dream.  Pond Filler.  The One and Only Pond-Filler.  This was King of All Things. It was far more important than the Lilly-Pad-Fairy, or the Fly-Catcher.  The Stories and Legends of all the Pond Fillers at Frog Pond were … well…. quite legendary.  Despite popular belief, those ponds don’t fill up on their own.

There was Ferdinand, and Frederick, and the most famous Filler….  Fritz. A close second is Fabian, but Fabian was blonde, so that was one big ding against him.  BUT…., but Fritz was the First.

Yes, Fritz was the original Pond Filler.  He was given charge to watch over the filling ritual, by a Human 12-year-old boy, named Jan Van der Heiden, The year was 1652, in Amsterdam. Van der Heiden invented the Hose.
Since that time, Pond Fillers are second to none.  The Royals.  If a girl kisses a Pond Filler, her lips get wet with pond water.  The whole “turning into a prince” thing is Frog-Wash.

So, on Floyd’s Second Birthday, he took part in the Pond-Filler Contest.  Everyone thought he was much too small… and a little bit over ambitious.  But despite the world’s misgivings….. Floyd won with ease.  He has been Pond-Filler since and…. now at the ripe old age of 11 years…. defends his Title annually.

He is a kind and benevolent Pond Filler, smiling and waving at all the Pond Residents as he fills.  He never spares a drop.

Anyway… the job of the Pond Filler is to watch over the hose while the water goes in.  The human turns the water on and off, but the filler watches.  He guards that hose.  And that is Floyd’s proud and glorious job.

He stands Guarding Hose.

So the reason I tell you this story is because….. all these years…. you have been saying it wrong.  It is NOT called a Garden Hose.  It is called Guarding Hose… because of the Pond Fillers and their Guarding of Hoses.

I learned this on the World Wide Web-feet.  I always leap at the chance to share this life-bending information with you.  Better than the TED Talks, I’ll tell you.  And the TOAD Talks.

You’re Welcome.

“A great man is always willing to be little.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson