Maxine, Frances, and Ollie have followed in my footsteps, it seems.  Yes, the three have become huge Albert Einstein Fans.

And so. We have arranged an Special Interview with Albert Einstein this evening.  As only the dogs can do.

How is this possible, you may be asking?  Time Travel, of course.  We’ve been working on the Time Machine and the girls gave it a test run.  Who did they run into.  Uncle Al.

(*Frances and Ollie were too star struck to ask any questions.  Maxine conducted the interview*)

Maxine Swift:  Mr. Einstein, thanks for sitting down with us this evening.  What an honor for us.
Albert Einstein:  It is my pleasure.  Please.  Call me Albert, or Al.

MS:  Okay Al.  I’ll get right to it.  We used to have a dumb cat.  Man, I hated that thing.  She thought she was better than the rest of us.  I used to chase her from time to time, just so she knew who was boss.  What do you think about all that?
AE:  Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.

MS:  Well, technically Al, I wasn’t trying to keep the peace.  I just wanted to scare the crap out of her.
AE:  Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius — and a lot of courage — to move in the opposite direction.

MS:  Okay Albert.   Clearly you are missing the bigger picture, smart guy.  Let’s move on.  Sometimes I can’t hold my bladder.  I am getting older.  Our human calls them mistakes.  What do you say to that?
AE:  Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.

MS:  Okey Dokey then.   Let’s talk about you.  Are you pleased with your life’s work?  I mean… you are the Genius of them  ALL.
AE:  If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.
MS:  But you are probably the greatest Scientific Mind that has ever lived.
AE:  Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one’s living at it.

MS:  I have a few more questions for you.  Would that be okay… so people can get to know you better?
AE:  Any fool can know. The point is to understand..

MS:  What do you do for recreation?  Sometimes me and the girls like to watch one of those Reality TV shows.  How about you?
AE:  Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

MS:  Well, Albert, we are running out of time here.  The engine is running on our new Time Machine, and we have to be home in time for our Milkbone Cookies.  Any words of wisdom for us, before we go?  There is just SO much we don’t know about our big world out there.
AE:  The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.

MS:  And doesn’t all that mystery just cause more questions?
AE:  The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”   ―  Albert Einstein

(All Albert Einstein response are TRULY Albert Einstein quotes.)

Some things  in life go unnoticed.  Or perhaps, they are just under rated.  It could be anything really.

Pickles, for instance.  They don’t get due credit.  But for me, a cheeseburger just is not complete until it has a ridiculous amount of pickles on it.  Or consider the pickle and any kind of mayonnaise salad… like potato salad, or ham salad.  It has to have little bits of pickle chopped up in it… or it just doesn’t fly.

But perhaps, one of the biggest things that gets overlooked are sidekicks.  And there is not one bit of glory in being a sidekick.  But you know…. every good Super Hero has a Sidekick. The mission would not be complete without them.  The day could not be saved.  The happy ending would not be quite as happy without the sidekick.

But the sidekick serves without question.

Take Batman.  And of course, his little helping hand.    Big Bruce always says…. “To the Bat Cave, Robin.”  Not one dang time … does Robin EVER say… “I’d rather not.  Let’s say we go straight to the mansion and watch Alfred bake cookies.”

But.  If Batman gets in a jam, old Robin is always there.  POW-ing…. and BLAMMO-ing…. and KA-PUNCH-ing his way out of every mess.

Yet, the crowds always cheer for the Superhero.  There is no acclaim or homage for the sidekick.  They just serve their purpose.  Those little kickers are the close companions who are generally regarded as subordinate to the Head Honcho.  And their costumes are never quite as nifty either.

The origin of the word is unknown also.  There is a theory that it meant “kicked to the side” and another which relates to pants’ pockets being called “kicks”.  Who knows?  Oh the Sidekick.

There are slews of them.  Barney Rubble to Fred Flintstone.  Igor to Dr. Frankenstein.  Jimmy Olsen to Clark Kent.  Piglet to Pooh.   Barney Fife to Andy Taylor.  Gromit to Wallace.  Ethel to Lucy.  Watson to Sherlock.   And Donkey to Shrek.

I guess the lesson to be learned is that we all can’t be Super Heroes.  Sometimes, it is just as important, or maybe even MORE SO, do to the small things.  To be the support.  To save the day when no one else is watching.

It could be anything.  A smile to someone who needs to see it.  Opening the door for a stranger.  Buying someone lunch who is down on their luck.  Coloring a picture with a kid.  Telling a friend how important they are to you.

Yes, I think that might be it.  If we can’t leap tall buildings…. we can put our coat down over a puddle for someone on the street.  We may not be able to run faster than a speeding bullet, but I bet we can walk beside someone, and offer a hand in support.

Pass the pickles Tonto.  Yabba Dabba Do.

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Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.  —  Dalai Lama

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The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others.  —  Albert Schweitzer

Mary took the boys’ to see Paddington today.  I took myself to see my Mom.  This evening, though, they came back to our house, for some play time.  The boys.  Not my Mom.

It always feels like such a gift to be with them… with family.

Kids sure can be something though.  They are just like little humans in kids’ suits.  Oh wait…. they ARE little humans.  In kids’ suits.

They can be a laugh a minute, I’ll tell you.  They can also be smart, creative, intuitive, generous, kind, and so much more.  Oh… but with that sugar comes spice.  Yep.   If you sugar them up… they will turn on you.   Yes.  A few M&Ms, and they look like one of the balls in the Lotto Hopper.   They begin to lose comprehension of the English language.   Like when you tell them… “Sweetie, don’t hit your brother.”  Sometimes, they do it regardless.

Yet… there is not much else you can do… when you see their little smiling faces… but let your heart go right ahead and melt.

I got about 20 hugs tonight.  When a little kid gives you that hug… it is a great, great offering.   And it fills my heart with joy.

Until they decorate the dog with acrylic paints.
Oh… But.  Even then… they can be pretty cute.

The thing that keeps coming to me today, is this.  Hidden Treasures.

Oh, who doesn’t love to find a hidden treasure?  That thing that gives you great cause for surprise.  The buried Pirates’ Gold.  The $50 bill that was in your dress jacket.  An egg with two yolks in it.

But most hidden treasures aren’t so hidden at all.  Most are in plain sight, if we take notice.

This morning, as we watched birds and drank coffee… we saw a squirrel in one of the trees in the meadow.  This little gal ( Okay…. well…., it  is a big fatty squirrel, in all honesty.  This thing sits in our trough, filled with deer corn, and eats and eats.  Like Liz Taylor after a divorce……..  this thing eats.  Little fist full after little fist full of deer corn.  Frankly,   I am surprised this thing could scamper anywhere, let alone to the top of a tree.  But here I have gotten off track.  Please forget that it is a big fatty squirrel, and think more along the lines of athletic, and graceful Skippy. )  Yes, this squirrel made its skillful way from one branch to the next, up, up, up, all the way to the top of the tree.   And once there, it seemed to just look around and bask in the glory of the morning.  After a few moments of “taking it all in” from the highest high in the wood, it turned around and made its way back down.  What a treasure this was to watch.  Yet another one of life’s hidden treasures in plain sight.

I think sometimes, we feel like the world gets hum-drum.  Perhaps…. that we are just numbers on a computer screen, or another person standing in line.  Yet that isn’t the case at all.  There are great and wonderful treasures in each day… if we care to find them.  The greatest treasures lie within ourselves.

You are completely and totally unique.  You are a  beautiful creature in your own way….  with many gifts, passions, abilities, and talents.  You have your own personality, and experience that only can be you. No one else can duplicate you.  No one else can live your life for you.

This is a treasure… our hidden treasures….. in plain sight.  Each one of us.
So whether you can sing like a lark, or paint beautiful landscapes, fix a carburetor, or bake killer brownies… it is your great talent.  Your gift.

So today…. perhaps…..  climb to the top of the very highest branch, and bask in the beauty of moment, the view, the accomplishment.

Yes.  You are completely special, singular, and distinct.  Unique.
We all are.  We truly are.   Unique together.  Hidden Treasures.  Everywhere.

“Our time here is magic! It’s the only space you have to realize whatever it is that is beautiful, whatever is true, whatever is great, whatever is potential, whatever is rare, whatever is unique, in. It’s the only space.”  —  Ben Okri

Fortune Cookies.  They are the icing on the cake when you eat at a Chinese Restaurant.  Boy, oh boy, do I ever love Chinese Food.  Thai, too.  Yep.  And then there is the fortune.

Tonight I went down to Yum Yum in Oxford to pick up dinner.  They certainly serve some incredibly good food.  Unfortunately, the place isn’t much to look at.  No ambience.  No special service.  I don’t think they are going to make it, dag nab it.

Don’t get me wrong.  I think it is totally great.  Like I said, the food is delicious.  The people who run the place are so kind, and sweet.  But for a college town, well…. kids want a hopping spot.  And this isn’t it.

Anyway.  I am the Schlep of Fortune Cookies.  If there is a table of 10 people, I am the one who always gets the “dog” of a Fortune Cookie.  “Be aware of the green shoelaces in the factory.”  Whhhhaaaaattttt?  Did I get the one Fortune Writer who hates his job, and just spits this out to disappoint?  How will his bosses ever know?  Those fortunes get tucked right away in the conveyer belt cookies.

Or how about this one… “The frozen ground is where the bear walks with shells.”  Ooohhhhhkkkaaaaay.  Now I have Life Clarity.

So tonight, after I finish my Pad Thai and Veggies, I reach for the cookie.  Now, once again, it is NOT the one that other people get, like “You are wise and beautiful and people love you.”  Or perhaps “Your life is filled with endless good friends and fortune.”

No.  Tonight I am supposed to Slay the Dragon.  Or something along those lines.

But, for once this one makes sense.   “Slaying the Dragon of Delay, is no sport, for the short winded.”

So there you have it.  The Old Beast of Hesitation.
Slay he.  And be long winded about it.  Now, finally…. I KNOW.

But remember…  Always remember one very important thing……
Fighting the Dragon is often easier Slayed… then done.

Commercials.  I’ve been thinking about them quite a bit lately.  You know… you can’t live with ’em… and you sure could do without ’em.

There are so many different kinds… but the ones I get preoccupied with are the prescription drug commercials.  You know the deal.  The introduction is mostly always the same.  It is a beautiful scene,…   a fall day… and the sun is shining…. the leaves are drifting through the air.  Everyone is having a great time, laughing and frolicking around… except for ONE.  That one person is standing there.  Distraught.  In pain.  Disconnected.  Preoccupied.  And that one person is YOU, consumer.

And you know the drill.  Then comes the question… from the guy with the silky voice.  “Do you suffer from chronic itchy earlobes?”  Then Platooba may be right for you!

Of course… the next line… is literally the killer.

In some cases, Platooba may cause certain side effects.

OH GAWD… NOT the SIDE EFFECTS.

It follows…

The most common side effects noted with Platooba are nausea, dry mouth, constipation, diarrhea, fatigue, difficulty sleeping, and dizziness. Some patients may experience  things like their faces falling off, loss of their favorite tricycles… and an inexplicable hunger for liverwurst.

Tell your doctor right away if any of these serious side effects occur: confusion, bleeding, decreased interest in Captain America, muscle cramps/weakness, difficulty peeing anywhere, persistent nagging, vomiting, yellowing eyes, dark urine.  Or humungous  Bovine calves in your living room.

So at this point… I am wondering if it will ever end?  Oh, not yet.

Get medical help right away if any of these rare but serious side effects occur: black/bloody stools, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, seizure.  Horns growing from your head.

Get medical attention if you have hallucinations, loss of coordination, swelling of the tongue and throat, skin melting, toenails popping off your feet, smelly armpits  or spontaneous combustion.

In rare cases, death may occur.

OKAY.  At this point, I don’t know about YOU all, but I am planning on living with the itchy earlobes.  Holy smackerolies.  Who wouldn’t?  Apparently, millions and millions of American would not.    In fact, the Pharmaceutical Industry spends about $3 Billion per year on advertising.

And people listen.

Nearly 70 percent of Americans are on at least one prescription drug, and more than half take two.  That is according to the Mayo Clinic researchers.

I just know for me personally, I would rather scratch my ears than I would vomit coffee grounds.  Any day of the week.  And I don’t have to PAY to have itchy earlobes.  But I do have to fork over big dollars for the little pill that makes my tongue swell up like a balloon, and makes it very difficult to pee.

So what’s my point?  Well.  I am a big fan of scientific proof and results.  However, I think the Pharmaceutical Industry has gotten blown way out of shape.  The likes of which we will never recover from.  I mean, just the absurdity of the commercials ought to tell us something…. no matter how much Cymbalta, Lipitor, or Abilify we are on.

And to offer full disclosure, I am one of the 7 in 10 Americans on a prescription drug. I don’t know what the answer is… but for me personally… I couldn’t stand those itchy earlobes any longer.  The paranoia took over and I thought everyone was talking about me… hence… the itchy ears.

So it was either take the Platooba for the ears…. or Trekookix for the paranoia.

Rock and a hard place I’ll tell you.  Rock and a hard place.

I try to learn something new every day.  I mean it.  If I can learn something about myself, all the better.  You know, a way to improve, or perhaps something which might make me a better citizen of the world.

Yesterday, here is what I learned.  I am thick.  Thick as a brick.

The long and short of it…is this.  If you didn’t read here yesterday, I talked about my egg-cracking adventures.  Someone told me cracking eggs on the counter is the “correct way” to perform the task.  So,  for a year, I tried to perfect the counter-egg-cracking-method.  To no avail.  It was a mess.  Egg shells everywhere, broken yellows, eggs spilling all over the counter.  Disastrous.  The yolk, it turns out… was on me.

The key phrase in all of that…. “so, for a year….”

After I posted my perilous tale, many people wrote in… “Yeah. I tried that for a couple of times and it didn’t work, so I went back to the old way.” OR…. “Yes.  I heard that too.  But it didn’t prove to be very good, so I went back to how I did it before.”

WHhhhhhhhhaaaaaatttt?  After one or two times…. they learned it didn’t work?  ME???   Numbskull that I am… I continued to try…. and fail.. and try…. and fail….. in my quest to perfect this “WAY I was supposed to do something”!

There is something terribly wrong with me.   I am convinced.  But I have been this way my whole life.  If someone, especially an “expert” gives me clear instructions… I follow them.  I call it “The Nun Force”.   The behavior stems from the fear of getting it wrong… and facing the humiliation that ensues.  Welcome to Catholic Grade School of the Yesteryear.   Bad habits aside…..

I believe that often times, it is really important to follow instructions.  A great example, “Stop at a red light.”   But there are those times in life, when the instructions we are given aren’t quite right.    Or maybe… not quite right for us, in that moment.  Remember the old deal… how do you get 7?  5 + 2. Correct.  But so is 4 + 3.

This morning, I cheerfully tapped my eggs on the edge of the frying pan.  I went 4 for 4.   Lesson learned.   Another case cracked.  And you know what 4 for 4 mean?  It means… I ate.

I know, I know.  You’ve heard this from me before. But I can’t say it enough.  I have a thing for the chicken.  You see… I truly love the chicken egg.  In fact, I eat about 3 every morning.    And it got me to thinking about how different people….. can be right, about different things, using different solutions.  But I will get to that in just a moment.   Back to the Incredible, Edible, Egg.

What’s not to love, really?  The whole fowl-up about cholesterol (no pun intended) gives us egg-eating-privileges with no-worries.  Eggs are NOW good for you.  So is white-pasty food, but that will be discovered by the scientific world in due time.  Anyways… Chicken Eggs.  Oh boy, oh boy.

There are a whole big bunch of chickens in the world.  Like 25 billion.  There are more of them than any other bird species.  Now, I didn’t think too much about the personality of chickens.  That is, until I saw “Chicken Run”…. one of the best movies of all time.   From that point on, I had a new appreciation for the bird.  And for  Mrs. Tweedy.

Back to it.  They can be smarties, sometimes.  They are able to remember and recognize over 100 different chicken faces; they can also recognize humans.  They have dreams too. And vocalizations like crazy.  Oh, I could go on and on about their positive qualities.

But here is the deal I am sort of ticked off about today.  It was about a year or more ago, and I was visiting my Mom.  We were watching Rachel Ray, one of my Mom’s favorite cooking shows, back then.   Old Rachel was telling us that there is only ONE correct way to crack an egg.  And that is a good knock, right on the flat surface of the counter.  She continued to say that if you are doing it any other way… you are just dead wrong.

Imagine my surprise.  All those years, I had been using the edge of the frying pan.  So… for the past couple of years…. dag nab it….. I have been trying to “get”  and “perfect” this flat knock on the counter top.  Every morning it was egg destruction of mass proportions.   I would get raw egg everywhere, sometimes the whole egg spilling out on the counter.  And to make matters worse, about 3 times out of 5, I would break the yolk.  Now if you scramble eggs, this is no big deal.  But if you eat them fried, and over easy, this is a TRAVESTY and a catastrophe.

So… after a long hard battle… I switched back a couple of weeks ago.  A little tap, tap, tap on the edge of the skillet and in it goes.  Guess what?  I haven’t had one casualty.  Well…. I guess truthfully, every single one is a casualty. But no broken yolks, no spilled eggs…. no shells in the pan.

It is like the one “Poster” on Facebook:  2 + 5 = 7 is correct.  But so is 3 + 4.
Yep.  That is the deal.  Often times in life, there is more than one solution to any given situation. And both might be perfectly feasible.  And good.

I also feel it is important for us to realize this, and keep an open mind when considering others’ suggestions for a resolution.

Unless, of course, you are Rachel Ray… and you have been screwing up me and my chicken eggs  for over a year now.  In that case…. you can just go stuff a turkey.  Lurkey.

Sure.  I love my dogs…. but what if one got sick?
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard.  It is the best thing for a hot dog.

Now… we live out here on a few wide open acres, and we are thinking about getting some goats, and rabbits.
What do you call 10,000 rabbits walking backward, all in a row?
A receding hare line.

Speaking of where we live.  We used to have a home in Charleston, SC.  There are lots of pirate stories down there….
For instance.   Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can’t hit the high seas.

There are a lot of places to eat and drink in Charleston too….
Once….. Charles Dickens walked into a bar and asked for a drink.  The bartender said to him, “Okay buddy.  Olive or Twist?”

The weather is mostly decent in those parts.  People ride bikes everywhere!
What’s the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?  A tire.

Okay.  Enough of that.  How about this?  It is a fact that I love science.
So here is one for you.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they start talking.

Finally…. I am a big bird watcher.  But this…..
Two Robins were stuffed heavy with worms.  They waited on the ground to digest those worms…. before they would fly back to their nests.  Basking in the sun, they fell asleep.
A cat came along and ate them, thinking “Boy oh Boy!  Do I ever  love Baskin’ Robins.”

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