If I were Queen of the World… or even the Czar of North America, I would come up with a few new rules.
Actually, I would integrate about a gazillion new edicts… but these would be some of the easy-peasy-domineasy-rules…. which would take effect immediately.
1. Shows like 60 Minutes would not be permitted to show reruns. Even in the summer time. Sure, I know summer time is the land of the the repeat on TV. But News & Reporting Shows… like 60 Minutes ought to find some schmucks around the office who will work in August.
2. Chalk and blackboards would forever be mandatory in classrooms. Kids these days have screens, and white boards, and electronic classroom devices. The chalkboard is becoming a thing of extinction. I will tell you this much…. there is nothing like the smell of chalk dust in the schoolroom … or having the responsibility of cleaning the boards after school…. Long live the chalkiness.
3. Along the same olfactory lines…. The people who make baseball cards would have to put the bubble gum back in the packs. They stopped putting that really hard-nasty-unchewable-piece of gum in the wrappers a few years back I guess. Now the baseball card smell like ink and cardboard. They used to smell like bubble gum. It was better that way.
4. Everyone would have to write at least one term paper on an old fashioned typewriter. No corrector ribbons. The old hard way. I think this might create a greater appreciation for current technology. In addition … the individual would have to use a paperback Webster’s Dictionary all the way through. No iPhone app for spell check. They might be surprised by what they find inside that little book.
5. There would be a two mandatory 5 minute silent periods each day. Silence and reflection. No talking. No phones, computers, or electronics. Five minutes of stillness and contemplation, each day… at 1:07 p.m. and 1:07 a.m. or something. You can hit on either one… but you have to check in for one. It is a mere 5 minutes out of 1,440 minutes each day.
6. Fried Baloney and the essential white pasty foods would be mandatory items on every restaurant breakfast menu. They are good for you. The Gluten thing is a myth for most of the population. Each your white bread, fried baloney, and grits. Joy to you and yours.
7. Cow Racing would be the new National Sport, all over the world. There would be a World Cup of Cow Racing. The main event would be the 100-Meter Saunter. The winners will surely be celebrated! Milk Toasts will abound. Cheers. Go Heifers. Stomp your hooves. Swing your udders like there’s no tomorrow. Run for the gold Bessie. Dream and Believe It. (I’m telling you. This would catch on like hot cakes and maple syrup.)
That is… ……. if I were Queen.
“The object of government in peace and in war is not the glory of rulers or of races, but the happiness of common man.” — William Beveridge