Some things these days really antagonize me.
All this jargon-ish gobbledy gook, which happens around the “everywhere” these days.  Trite phrases… which have a tendency of making the frog hairs stand up on the back of my neck.

And you know when someone is pushing around those overdone phrases.

For instance.

• If you are “thinking outside of the box”…. I am wondering if you are “still in the loop.”

• Or what if you are making that forever-popular “bucket list”?  Could that mean you are also working on an “exit strategy”?

• 24/7.  Okay… enough already with the 24/7.  Because… “at the end of the day”…. 24 hours have past.  And at the end of the week… seven days have gone by.  If you are too busy to use full sentences…. time must really be flying for you.  Hence, the Bucket List, I guess.

• “With all due respect.”  Now here is one that is truly setting you up for a slap in the face.  Count on it.  Backhanded or not… you are getting five right across the old kisser.

• “It was a total nightmare.”  This usually comes from the mouth of a woman with lipstick to match the color of her nails.  It probably refers directly to the polish on those aforementioned nails.  It goes on further to describe what happened when her nails were not all the way dry….. and she was forced to pull something from her pocketbook.  Total nightmare.

“Awesome.”
“Throwback” anything.
“Game changer.”
“Man cave.”
“Gluten-free.”

Perhaps we are all “intellectually bankrupt” at this point.
But if you would like to talk to me about this…  please don’t Tweet me.
Twitter Feeds are what I give to birds.

Hang the expense and feed the canary another seed.  I say.  OR…..

Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
Because sometimes… it isn’t what it isn’t.

“It’s not the same to talk of bulls as to be in the bullring”  —   Spanish Proverb

“If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less” – Proverb

There is that old saying that goes… “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.”

As corny as it is… that old phrase is about as dag-nabbin’ true as they get.

Today really is the very first day of the rest of your life.

Sure, there have been days before… but now that THIS one is here… those other days are not the ‘firsts’ anymore.   They are passed.   Past.

Which means…. in a very rough translation…. “Get over it… and get on with it.”   This is our new first day… and we can make of it whatever we want.    That is what “they” say all right.

So… again.  I SAY Dag Nabbit.   I sure wish I could do this.  At least, I think I do.  Unfortunately… I am a “Holder-On-To.”  Yes indeed.   I hold on to things.  Past transgressions.  Past wrongs.  Past mishaps.

Resentments creep up on me like a bad pair of underwear.

I love to hear those “certain” people talk about how easy it is for them to let go of things.  Dr. Phil.   Mary Jo Daisy-Head.  And, of course, that little girl in the move Frozen.

But me?  Well… I keep the old Darth Vader neck grip on things.  I know it would be better to simply “Let it go.”  But as that other catchy phrase goes…. “Easier said than done.”

Intellectually, I know it is better to be free of all things which don’t serve us well.   I get it.   And having inner peace is the only true way to happiness… and on and on….   Deep breaths.  Feel the deep breath cleanse your inner spirit.  Shift your focus from the negative to the positive…. and… and…

And when someone stands there and tells me those things.. I REALLY  start to resent them.

You see?  I can be pretty pathetic.

And this is just my first day on the job.  Or so the saying goes.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.  —   Mahatma Gandhi

You can be happy where you are.  —  Joel Osteen

Somebody asked me today how the why OF the typewritten keyboard is laid out the way it is.

Well, it has quite a history, I’ll tell of you.

Most of us know it as the QWERTY keyboard.   It is the most popular one around today.  I just like to say it.  QWERTY, QWERTY.

And of course, the name comes from reading the first six keys appearing on the top left letter row of the keyboard (Q, W, E, R, T, and Y) from left to right.

But who in the heck came up with this crazy configuration which allows our fingers to fly across the keyboard.  Well, it was a dude named  Christopher Latham Sholes.

Yep.  Good ol’ Chris Sholes.  He was a newspaper editor from Milwaukee….. in the early 1870s.  ( A politician too.  But his newspaper gig prompted the keyboard.)

In October 1867, Sholes filed a patent application for his early writing machine he developed with the assistance of his friends Carlos Glidden and Samuel W. Soulé.  Are you bored yet?  Well… You can blame it on Jan Deters.

ANYWAY….. The very first was sold to Remington in 1873.   But it was WAY different.  It sort of hand a piano keyboard layout and looked like this:
– 3 5 7 9 N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
2 4 6 8 . A B C D E F G H I J K L M

The thing of it was… it didn’t work very well because the keys kept getting jammed up.   When someone typed….. the metal type bars would clash and lock if two neighboring keys were hit in succession.  And when I say… locked up… I mean LOCKED up.  Like Alcatraz.

So.  They had to figure out how to get around this.  They started shifting letters around so that popular combos like “th” and “st” weren’t right on top of one another.

Are you board yet?  Again.  Blame it on Jan Deters.
But I will continue.

Old Chris was relentless.  He kept at it.  Pecking away at it… if you will.

Finally, Chris and his buddies ironed out all the hitches, and the final deal became popular with the success of the Remington No. 2 of 1878.  Sholes died in 1890… not long after the thing was finished.  He had TB.  That’s what killed him.

And that….  my Typewriter-Fan-Friends….  is the deal for the QWERTY board.  More or less.

Now me…..  I just like to waddle around the room.  Sort of like a duck.  Then…. in a real low voice…. I say QWERTY, QWERTY, QWERTY.

It just makes me happy.  And wouldn’t you know it…. the next day.. I type faster than ever.

But now.  HERE  is what I want to know.  Why is a Spelling Bee called a Bee?  Bee’s buzz.  And.  Ducks go qwerty, qwerty,  qwwwwerty.

I think the contest should be called a Spelling Duck.  For sure.

 If you want to be happy, be.  — Leo Tolstoy

You all know that I like to talk about “energy” here on these pages of mine.   And if you don’t like when I talk about the transference of energy, all I can say is….. “Oh Oh.  I’m going to talk about it again.”

I have to tonight.  You see, I just read an article in a computer magazine which talks about just THAT subject.  I won’t go into the technical aspects of it, but here is the condensed version.

The article’s topic was about charging computer devices wirelessly.  No plugs in walls and wires.  And no charging mats or anything.  Here is the deal.  They (and by they I mean…. those really, really smart people) have figured out a way to convert electricity to sound… and they regroup those sound waves back into electricity.  (Through ultrasound basically.)

Did you hear THAT?  Folks…. hold on to your Star Trek Hats.  I’m not kidding you.  Think of the possibilities.  Holy crap-a-moley.

It won’t be long until they figure out about the transference of human energy…. across both space, and time.

For what is time, but any type of matter occurring at different stages and configurations.

Beam me freaking-up-Scotty.

But that isn’t the real point of this that excites.  Well, sure.  Time travel excites me.  And I guess THAT is part of this.  I think that human energy which we “understand” as being “gone” is not gone at all.  It is all around us, in a different form.

And just like those people “re-collecting” the electricity from sound waves….  and bringing it back to electric form….  I propose this same thing can be done with human energy.

There.  I said it.

NOW….. the tooth fairy HAS to start bringing me quarters again.   If I were to lose a tooth.  Which I hope I don’t.  Because all I want for Christmas is NOT my two front teeth.  All I want for Christmas…. is a new iPhone 6…. which eventually I can charge wirelessly.

Presto.  Change-o.  Zappo.

Acceptance looks like a passive state, but in reality it brings something entirely new into this world. That peace, a subtle energy vibration, is consciousness.  –Eckhart Tolle

How can you be sure, really?  Of anything?

I have said it before, and I’ll say it again.  There is no such thing as a sure thing.  Just when you think your horse is going to win race… that number eight horse in the purple silks sneaks up on the outside and crosses the finish line first.  By a dang nose.

Or…. with morning’s first cup of coffee in hand….  you go out to get your newspaper, from the front step of you house… just like you have a thousand times before.   But.  You open the door, and it isn’t there.   And your visit to the morning library is calling.

Another not-so-sure-thing.  Just when you thought the Tooth Fairy was going to put a quarter under your pillow… you find out she quits doing that when you turn 23.  It was a terribly rude awakening for me.  Especially since I had just lost a tooth in a Roller Derby Match.  Yep.  It is just the way it goes.  No sure bets.

Don’t believe me?  Okay.  I have proof.  Take….. for example…..  the world’s “perfect food”… which is honey.  It is the only food on earth where something doesn’t have to perish in its creation.   It never spoils.  (They have recently unearthed honey in the ancient pyramids.  It was as fresh as a daisy.)

AND… it is 100% natural.  Or so you thought.  No refined sugar?  Pshhhhaaawwww.  Today I found out the bee’s knees truth.

Honey Bees are going around to hummingbird feeders all over the world, and freebasing the white refined sugar water that’s in them.  It happened right here…. on this very day.

Look at those bees… like some kind of cotton candy addicts, I’ll tell you.  I went out on the deck…. and told them to go find some REAL flowers with REAL nectar.

Wouldn’t you know?  The big drone flipped me off.  It wasn’t very nice of him.  And a bit crass.

So much for sweet, and pure.

But what I want to know is this.  Since that Bee flipped me the Bird…. is that the real truth behind “The Birds and The Bees”?

One begins to question everything after a day like this, I’ll tell you.

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”  — Robert McCloskey

I like a good design.

Spiders are really good at design work.  So are bees.

Bees seem much busier on average…. than spiders.

The spider gets to work for a little while…. designs the web…. and then sits and waits.  But the bee is a buzzing, buzzing, buzzing… from first light of day… to the very dark of it.  Hive and honeycombs and pollinating, and such.

Now the Koala Bear, the Aardvark, and the Sloth… THEY are not so busy.  They don’t have much to show for it either.  Those three sleep around 20 hours each and every day.  Eating ants, chewing on bamboo…. nodding off.

On the other hand… Giraffes only sleep about 2 hours and Horses catch about 3 hours of sleep per day.  I don’t know if they design anything or not… but I have heard that giraffes are great knitters.

Today… I felt as busy as a bee.
And. Tonight… I hope I sleep like an aardvark.

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?  — Mary Oliver

Tonight, we went to an Annual Celebration… at a place called Runnymede.  I am not sure what the actual celebration is designated for… other than to simply gather and be happy.  It doesn’t have anything to do with The Magna Carta.

It is a combination party, pig roast, covered-dish-carry-in, bonfire, picnic, playground, campground, stand-around kind-of-party.  Designation:  Good.

There were lots of good people there, with loads of interesting conversation.  The  food was abundant.  There were kids playing romping games.  Dogs running about with frisbees in their mouths.  A cold keg for those who partake.  Macaroni and Cheese.  Red barns, and hay bales dressed as pigs.

What was missing?  It was not swanky or pretentious.  No diamond crusted bangles.  Not a single high heel on any of the 100 acres.  If there was a Kardashian there… it was a car dashing in… to join the fun.

So truthfully…. not a thing was missing.  It was wholesome, innocent, hometown fun.

Perhaps. …. …The world needs less swanky I think.  And a lot more Mac ‘n’ Cheese.

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.  — Anne Frank

I must have a case of the Barbra Streisand’s “People Who Need People.”  Or maybe it is Bette Midler’s “You’ve Got To Have Friends.”  Because here I am back on that very subject.  Again.

Nonetheless….  You know how good it is to have a friend?

Well, dag nab it… I have to say it is one of the best feelings in the world.  Especially a very best friend.  True blue.  Dyed in the wool.  Honest-to-absolutely-goodness-kind-of-friend.

These types have been around a long time.  Way before the kids of today decided to call them as BFFs.  Big Freakin’ Fuss… is what those BFFs are.

A good friend, is what you call….. well… a good friend.  Old school.  No acronym will do the job… I’ll tell you.

Those are the ones that make you laugh so hard that you squirt milk out your nose.   They are the same ones who don’t mind when your eyes look like pink fatty marshmallows when you’ve been crying and crying.

Yep.  The few who will forgive you when you make dull-headed mistakes.  The same friend who cheers you on….. and is truly glad to see you make good in the world.

I have been blessed enough to have a handful of these in my life.   People I trust, and respect, and like, and love.

But a million times beyond that, I am lucky enough to have a friend who is my kindred spirit.  The one who has been by my side… through thick and thin…. for more than half my life.

There is a deep understanding.  An assurance.  A credence.
Like ….when those certain times arise in life.   When there is some kind of food that you are afraid to try… you can push it their way… and say… “Try this.”   And they say… “It smells horrible.  I’m not going to eat that.”   And you say…  “Oh c’mon.  I want to know if it is any good.”  And they say… “But it stinks.”

And they try it.  And then they make a squinchy-face and spit it back out on the plate.  And you both start laughing … and before you know it…. milk is squirting out of both your noses….

If we drank milk.  That is.

Best of all…. I am even more fortunate… because this person is my partner in life.  And my heart is glad for that.

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. “Pooh!” he whispered. “Yes, Piglet?” “Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. “I just wanted to be sure of you.” ~A.A. Milne

Ladies and Gentlemen.   This I must tell you.

This face.  This furry little face… belongs to a simply amazing little being.  Many of you already know her.  Maxine, as we humans have deemed her.

Maxine Virginia Swift.

I am not sure what her mother named her, or even what she looked like when she was just a pup.  I don’t know if she had siblings.   But I wonder these things.

Maxine came to us in 2002.  She was about 2 or so.  Best guess by our vet.

This little dog was found hit on State Route 122.  She limped horribly.  Her pelvis was broken in 4 places, as was her tail.  She had a hole in the roof of her mouth.  She was dirty, matted, and in bad shape.  The person who found her declared she was the ugliest dog in the world.

How could we ever turn down such a great deal on a used dog?  We didn’t even have a trade-in.  So we invited her to come live with us.

Since that time, this one small dog has won our hearts.  She turned us into “little dog” people.

She has been a faithful companion, a loving little friend, a fierce protector, and a shoulder to cry on.  At the same time, she has been a little bossy bigwig, an imperious general, and one grumpy customer.   Maxine will tell you exactly what she thinks… whether you want to know or not.

And I wouldn’t trade any of it now.  Not one bit.

But at 14 or more years of age… well…. Max is in her twilight.  These days, she doesn’t see very well.  In addition, she is deaf in one ear, and of course…. she can’t hear out of the other.  She eeks out pee, and then gets embarrassed.    She gimps around like crazy …. but runs with the big dogs…. in her heart.   Maxine is one extremely tenacious little character.

She is … by far… the best dog in the whole world.  If you are reading this… and you are…..  you may have a dog or a cat.  I bet THEY are the very best in the world too.

We are part of very fortunate group then, you and I.  To have these “Best in the World” friends in our lives.  Our furry little pals… who can never be replaced or forgotten.

But remember this.  If we ever lose your incredible friends…. there is another one out there who is waiting for our help.

Not to  mention….. WE are waiting for THEIR help…… every bit as much.

“Friendship isn’t a big thing — it’s a million little things.”  ~ Author Unknown

There truly is so much to be amazed with on our planet.

Honest to goodness.  From the very little to the incredibly obvious.

Start with the apparent.  Us.  As humans, we have an awful lot going for us.  Our brains are more than super computers….  with 86 billion neurons.  Each of those little neurons have between 1,000 to 10,000 synapses…..  and then ….. that results in 125 trillion synapses in the cerebral cortex alone.   That is at least 1,000 times the number of stars in our galaxy.  In other words… a freaking lot of complexity.

Our bodies match it.  Tell your thumb to move up and down.  If you are in good operating condition… it will work.  This is amazing.

We have a tendency to take this for granted… .. from time to time.  We don’t even consider how awesome it is to have the ability to walk, talk, eat, breathe and think freely… until that certain “thing” quits working.

But truly, these are phenomenal, and incredible facts.

Then there is the small…. which we rarely consider.  Iodized salt.  Toothbrushes.  Gas stations.  Electricity.  English Muffins.  The nose of a dog.  An infinite amount of the stupendous…. surrounds us.

Look at the intricacy and design of ANY small shell … and you can see all the wonder of the world.  The millions and millions of marvels.

Right there.  In the palm of your hand.  If you truly want to see it.

Yes.  If we live in awareness, it is easy to notice the miracles which are everywhere.

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.  —  Carl Sagan