What the crap.

I try to stay centered.  You know, at my age, I have found that it doesn’t pay off to get all riled up.  When you get your underwear all in a bunch… it doesn’t really feel bad to anyone but yourself. I work on spiritual focus.  Meditation.  All of that.

But snap-dabbit.  Sometimes…. the littlest thing makes you want to SHOUT.  And… it could be anything really.

For instance. That person who stops their cart, in the middle of the aisle of the grocery store.  Yes, they park it solid…. right there… blocking all shopping traffic.  And they begin to read the back of every box of elbow macaroni on the shelf.

“Holy Smackerels… you Doltish Shopper.  It is ELBOW MACARONI for crying out loud.  What the holy-heck is there to read on the back of the box?   Throw the gosh darn box in the freaking cart already.  Get a Kindle, you schmuck.”

And there.  Just like that.  It has happened.  I lost my cool.  I got off center.  I drop-kicked the Zen right out the dang window.  Like that.  The cloud of impatience and testiness stops right above my head… and starts raining down on me.

Irascible Me.

Tonight I had a revelation…. finally… the reason for my emotional misdirections.

It seems that I am “Always On A Mission.”  Yep.  Like a little robot.  I get focused on the job to be done… ….. a task … a to-do … an endeavor … a list.  I get programmed like a little robot.  Clinkity, clinkity, clank.  I grab it like a dog with a bone.  And if I am on my way to completing this little deal… I feel better when it can be finished without interruption to my book of maps and diagrams and plans.

But the way of the universe is this:  The more you want things to go exactly as planned… for all the ducks to stay in row… for the crayon marks to stay between the lines…. Kapow.  Derailed.  Diverted.  Rerouted.

This is when the phrase “go with the flow” comes in handy.  But as a robot… the only flow I know… is rigid flow-chart.

Ahhh.  I don’t know if I will ever get it right.  I keep trying.  Patience.  Focus.  Compassion.  Kindness. The whole shebang.   But I drop the ball from time to time. From time to time to time. Too many times.  Dang it.

So, as a robot.  I better keep my oil can ready.  It is liable to rain again.

“Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves. – George Bernard Shaw