This just in.

Well, just when you thought you knew the neighborhood…..

On the news this evening, I learned a thing or two, I’ll tell you.

A disturbing trend has been sweeping the nation in rural America.

For unexplained reasons, there has been a major escalation in Cow Gangs.  That’s right folks.  Cow Gangs.

The groups have been forming at an increasing rate of 78% in places like Indiana, Ohio, and Pennsylvania.  While the trend appears to be the highest in the Midwest, the formation of Cow Gangs can be seen as far south as Louisiana, and as far west as Idaho.

There have also been a few reports in the northern states such as Wisconsin and Minnesota.  However that Gang activity has mostly been centered around Cheese Disputes.

In the Midwest particularly, there has been a decisive split between… what the cows themselves are calling … the Milkees, and the Meaters.

No increase violence has been reported.  In fact, there has been a single act of violence between cows.  However, more bovines can be seen standing in larger, organized groups.  No one is certain what the cause is behind the increase.  Despite that fact, Officer Krupke, of New York, seems to think it may be related to Juvenile Delinquency amongst the farm animals in general.

There will be an extensive report on 60 Minutes this coming Sunday Evening, entitled… “West Side Cow Story”

Jets.  Sharks.  Cows.  Who knows…..

“Around the corner,
Or whistling down the river,
Come on, deliver
To me!
Will it be? Yes, it will.
Maybe just by holding still,
It’ll be there!” – Tony, West Side Story