Tonight… I have been hanging around with my Sock Monkey Friends.  With that said, I feel like monkeying around.

So.  For your enjoyment, some raucous monkey humor.

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A Drunk Monkey walks into a bar.  He says…”Ouch! That’s gonna’ leave a mark.”

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A monkey walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:  “A beer  please, and one for the road.”

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An Irish Monkey walks by a bar.  Hey…. it could happen.

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A dyslexic monkey walks into a bra.

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A monkey with a jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

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This is where the other monkey joke was.  I had some serious problems with copy and pasting this out of my “text editor” and on to the online blog here.  BUT thanks to my dearest friend… I was made aware of the monkey wrench in the joke telling scheme.

THE CORRECTED VERSION….

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and his little monkeys starts to jump all around the place. The monkey grabs some peanuts and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. He scampers over to the pool table and grabs one of the billiard balls. To everyone’s surprise….. he grabs one of the pool balls, shoves it into his mouth, and somehow swallows it whole. The bartender screams see what your monkey just did?”

“No, what?”

“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table… whole!”

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the guy, “he eats everything he sees.  Sorry! I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.”

The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff that the monkey ate…. and then he leaves.

Two weeks later the guy is in the bar again, and has his monkey is with him…. AGAIN.  The guy orders a  drink and the monkey starts running around the bar….  AGAIN. While the guy sips on
his Bourbon, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He shoves the thing right up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, and he eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did  just now?”

“No, what?” replied the man.

“Well, he stuck both a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his Butt, and THEN he ate them!” said the bartender.

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the guy. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to shit that cue ball out, he measures everything first now.”

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. — Victor Borge