Once upon a time, and we are talking a long, long stinking time ago, there lived a young princess named Petunia. She lived in the castle, at the top of the hill, near the village of Begunia (just south of Snackistan). Her mother ruled all of Begunia, and beyond. Way stinking beyond.

One day, while walking in a nearby forest, Petunia found a magic pitcher. That little pitcher could throw up to 89 m.p.h. Great fastball, and had a mean spitball too. Begunia took the magic pitcher back with her to the castle.

Her mother, Queen Huffandstuff the Second, wasn’t crazy about baseball. At all. So she commanded her sorcerer to turn the pitcher into a ceramic sort of doo-hickey-thinger. Which he did. (The sorcerer’s name is Jimmy the Knife, if you must know).

Aaannnnnnyyyyyway, Petunia sobbed and sobbed. She missed her little hurler. Her mother had no sympathy. She said to little Petuny, “Honey get over it……..

LIfe’s a Pitch and then you Cry.”