One of the things we do in our culture is observe birthdays and anniversaries.  Funny, really.   I mean, defined….. an anniversary is……  the date on which an event took place in a previous year. Same kind of deal with a birthday.  Second verse, same as the first.    I like it.  I am glad for them.  Not knocking them in any way.  You get ice cream and cake and presents… get to wear funny hats and blow up balloons.  Pin tails on donkeys and such.  It all oozes frivolity.   It is just sort of an oddity, if you really think about it, though.  I mean……who defined the year?   The calendar we “observe” is the Gregorian Calendar.  Who exactly is this Greg?  What makes him the calendar guru?

There are lots of different calendars out there.  Buddhist Calendars…. Julian Calendars, Lunar, Solar, Chinese, Islamic, Thai, Kurdish, Romanian, Mayan….. if you need a divergent calendar…. there’s got to be one out there for you somewhere….

But back to anniversaries.  Today’s date is the one day of the year that actually tells you to do something.  March 4th.  March  Forth. Kind of Neat-O-Guido, I think.  Conversely….say your birthday was September 23rd.  You can’t tell someone to “September 23rd” something.  “Hey you…..Go September 23rd.”  See… it just doesn’t work so well, does it?  But you can certainly tell someone to March Forth.  3.4.  It is an Inspirational Tony Robbins kind-of-date.

Today is a special birthday for me.  Not the day I plopped from the womb…. no.   But a different kind of birthday.  So I march forth.  Inspired.

Creepy.  Defined.

This place is the kind-of-scary that will make the elastic in your underway lose its formability.  That much I’ll tell you.  The Old City Jail, it is.  Parts of this building date back to 1738.  Old.  But during the year of 1790, this structure began serving as a jail for criminal offenders, as well as an asylum for the mentally challenged (including the serial killers Lavinia Fisher, and her husband John…….heeeeerrrrrreeee’s Johnny!)

We visited on a bright and sunny day, just walking the exterior of this place.  I got the goosiest of bumps all over!  It is supposed to be very haunted.  There were a few doors open… with workers inside doing renovations and such.  I passed the “DO NOT ENTER” sign and just meandered down the back a hall a little bit.  I am already over my “Trespassing Quota” for the entire year….  so I decided to back it up.  As mentioned…..lots of hauntings reported here… if you believe in spooks, ghosts, goblins, and those sorts of things.  Many people have attested to being shook, nudged, bumped, and a few have made claims to being choked.  There are also frequent sightings of a guy walking the halls, all bedraggled, and of course, see-through.

None of this….. not one bit….. had anything to do with my NOT trespassing.  Really and truly.

I’m not sure about these sorts of things either… but my camera quit working after this particular day.  These were the last photos I took before it went kaput.  I had to send it off for repairs this afternoon.    I’m just glad I quit trespassing when I did……

This is the old Jail Wagon.  Equally as spooky…..  Redrum.  Redrum.

Someone mentioned to me this morning, that our little chats here were more fun than reading the daily horoscope.  With that said…. I’d like to give this horoscope-writing-thing a try.  So here it goes….

Today is March 2nd.  You’ll probably be reading this on March 3rd, but hopefully the planets won’t shift too dang much between now and then.

Your day will be filled from start to finish.  Expect surprises late in the afternoon, although, the stars may catch you off-guard early, and then you would be truly confounded.  Mars is currently in Jupiter’s House (illegally, I might add)…… which means you should eat an early dinner in a restaurant.  Now may be the time to volunteer.  Raise your hand.   But take a long walk before you do.  And don’t be tempted to start a newspaper article, gosh darn it.  This would be hasty on your part.  As Venus jockeys for position, remember to brush three times before the cock crows.  It pays to floss.  Resist the temptation to order the Veal.  Planting a nice garden should take precedence over emptying the trash.  Unless, of course, you change your mind, and go to the dance instead.  Be happy with your good taste.  It will pay off in the long run.

No Uranus jokes.

I like Pluto better than Goofy.

Let’s face it.  I can’t carry a Neptune in a bucket.

I met a guy while sitting on the park bench the other day.  He owned an Origami store downtown here.  But…. it folded.

There was another woman seated there with us.  She was a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control her pupils.

And some other observations:

For History Buffs:  The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

For the Athletic:   It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

For the Geography-Minded:  If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you’d be in Seine.

For the Scientific:  Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

The Religious: Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

And finally…. for those of you sitting there rolling your eyes…. arms folded…..  shaking your heads back & forth like the German Shepherd Bobble-Heads in the back windows of cars…..

There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope  that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

With love,
The Queen of Corn

Certain things are hard to figure out, from time to time, I’ll tell you.

For example, I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. (Please know….. this realization hasn’t just happened upon me.  It has been an ongoing thing, since about the age of seven, or so.  I’m just a wee bit older now, and feeling the urgency to make some kind of decision here.) Oh, I’ve tried a few different paths… and have considered even more.  Some jobs I have contemplated pursuing:

A painter of the underside of boats.

Designer of ornamental drains on rooftops.

An inner-sole cobbler.

Sewer Engineer.

Molar Polisher.  Back molars.

Fire Hydrant Inspector.

Border patroller between Idaho and Utah.

Yep, these are just a few options I’ve mulled over.  Then, there are some things I would have liked to have done, but they were already taken.  Mostly inventor-like jobs.  For instance:

The Inventor of Robots.

The Archeologist who found King Tut’s Tomb.

First Person to  devise a crossword puzzle.

All taken.

The problem is, I don’t even have a parachute.  Let alone, know what the heck color it is.

Oscar. Oscar.  The big ones were The King’s Speech for Best Picture.  Colin Firth, Best Actor.  Natalie Portman, Best Actress.

And there you have it.  Some thought the results should have fallen differently.  Everyone sees things from a unique point of view.

Consider this door.  When you are walking along the street and looking skyward to pinpoint the location of thunderous helicopter overhead, and your foot catches a large crevice in the stone walk, and you lose all bodily control, flailing hopelessly toward the unyielding pavement, all the while attempting to shield your camera from damage, or (heaven forbid) lose control of your corndog (sporting BOTH mustard & ketchup)….. and when you finally cease toppling and tumbling and come to a grinding halt….  you might see a door much differently than you would have….. say three or four moments before.

….I brought home the award today for best stunt woman in a real life drama.  I did not have a speech prepared for the acceptance.

Corndog. Check.  Camera. Check.  Polly. Check….. and we’re walking…….   like it never even happened.  The magic of the movies.  Roll the credits.

“Oh don’t land here….oh please.  Not here.  Noooooooooo……. not right on my head.  C’mon now.  Shooo.  Shoooo you.”

“Just fly away.  Okay, now.  It’s not easy being a statue, especially at times like these.  I stand here, day in, day out.  The likes of you, landing on my head…  so c’mon you.  Go on.  Git.  Oh my, you ARE a BIG bird.  HOLY CRAP….. what did you eat for lunch?  Your butt smells like rotten Grackles.  Common Grackles at that.  Alright.  Here’s what I’ll do…… I’ll say  a little prayer for you.”

“The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you
While combing my hair, now
And wondering what dress to wear, now
I say a little prayer for you….

Foverver, and ever….”

Maria knew the bee had stung, the dog had bitten….  the Captain was rushing off again.  No explanation.

She swallowed hard, but couldn’t make the knot in her throat disappear.  The tears began burning in her eyes… streaming down her face now…….. But why, oh why, couldn’t she remember any of her favorite things?  Now more than ever…. she needed to simply remember her favorite things….

She searched every corner of her mind…..“Was it kittens with mittens?  No, no, that’s not right…..  snowflakes on my toes and pink sashes…?  That’s all wrong.  Brown paper packages fried up with wings?  What is happening here?  I just can’t remember my favorite things….”

Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings passed swiftly through the sky above her…….

Chutes and Ladders.  Now there’s a game I never played as a kid.  Or an adult for that matter.  Never really played the Candyland thing either.  Or Life.  We were more Monolopy players… & Clue.  I remember those two for sure.  Definitely not Chutes and Ladders, but that is what came to mind when I caught view of this fire escape.  And then,  I said right out loud….  “I betcha’ any money that is how Chutes and Ladders got its start.”  Well it is a good thing you weren’t standing there.  Because I would have owned you “any money” right there on the spot.

So….. you know me.  I looked it up as soon as I got home.  It was called “Snakes and Ladders” in England, before Milton Bradley vamped a version for the U.S.  However, it started in India….  it was a game based on “morality” called “Paramapada Sopanam” (the ladder to salvation).  It was originated from the concept of  Hinduism consciousness around everyday life.

And there you have it.  While most of my little friends and neighbors were learning good moral lessons based on the Hindu premise, I was off killing Colonel Mustard in the den with a lead pipe.  A little later in the day, right after I got outa’ jail,  I would buy a bunch of hotels on Park Place and bilk people for rent.  Ahhhh…. the American way.

The History of the Game:  Snakes and Ladders originated in India as a game based on morality called Vaikuntapaali or Paramapada Sopanam (the ladder to salvation).^[3] This game made its way to England, and was eventually introduced in the United States of America by game pioneer Milton Bradley in 1943.^[3]

The game was played widely in ancient India by the name of Moksha Patamu, the earliest known Jain version Gyanbazi dating back to 16th century. The game was called Leela and reflected the Hinduism consciousness around everyday life. Impressed by the ideals behind the game, a newer version was introduced in Victorian England in 1892, possibly by John Jaques of Jaques of London.

Moksha Patamu was perhaps invented by Hindu spiritual teachers to teach children about the effects of good deeds as opposed to bad deeds. The ladders represented virtues such as generosity, faith, humility, etc., and the snakes represented vices such as lust, anger, murder, theft, etc. The moral of the game was that a person can attain salvation (Moksha) through performing good deeds whereas by doing evil one takes rebirth in lower forms of life (Patamu). The number of ladders was less than the number of snakes as a reminder that treading the path of good is very difficult compared to committing sins. Presumably the number “100” represented Moksha (Salvation). In Andhra Pradesh, snakes and ladders is played in the name of Vaikuntapali.

The squares of virtue on the original game are Faith (12), Reliability (51), Generosity (57), Knowledge (76), Asceticism (78); the squares of evil are Disobedience (41), Vanity (44), Vulgarity (49), Theft (52), Lying (58), Drunkenness (62), Debt (69), Rage (84), Greed (92), Pride (95), Murder (73) and Lust (99)

Good thing it was too cool  and windy to go swimming today.  Otherwise…. who knows.

I had to go out to Sullivan’s Island this morning, to do a shoot for someone.  While there, we stumbled upon Ft. Moultrie, which is a very fascinating place.  We’ll go back when there is more time to knock around a bit.  Anyway. we wanted to check out the beach area while there.  It seems they have some very specific rules, at least on this day.  As you can see, they do not condone any type of swimming or wading.  Seriously, they spell it out for you.  “Stay out of the water.”  Period…. well, not period…. just east of the dang rocks.

But here’s the real deal.  If you choose to toy with the Deadly Currents, they will fine you.  Not $1000.  NO.   Not $2000.  But, YOU touch your tootsies to the surf, and you get hammered with a one thousand FORTY dollar fine.  I would like to know how they came up with that specific dollar amount.  Maybe I’ll look up the Commissioners’ Meeting minutes.

Commissioner Rockcash:  Do we have a motion for a $1000 fine for dipping in the pond?
Commissioner Wetslur:  You know Bub, $1000 just doesn’t seem like quite enough.  How ’bout an extra 40 buck-a-roonies?
Commissioner Pay:  For what purpose?
Whistler:  You know.  Haven’t you ever heard of….”Just for the heck of it.”  Beeeeeeeccccaaauuuuussssse…….. My first house number was 1040.  I propose we take a little vote-see, now.
Rockcash: Aye.
Whistler: Aye.
Pay:  I…. uh…. whatever…. aye.

And there you have it.  That is how it goes with great minds………….. ….How crucial legislation comes to pass.  Current Events.