She lived at 57 Burnham Way her entire life. Old Hattie Jones. She was a kind person, a good wife, and a loving mother. She and Gilbert had nine children together in their lifetimes.

Hattie never asked for anything in all her days. She just constantly cared for others… and gave and gave and gave. She had a heart of gold. But now she was growing older. Gilbert died five years ago, and the kids were all grown. She still had some church friends and neighbors, of course. But nowadays, she mostly liked to sit on the porch steps and read fashion magazines.

You see…. Hattie was surprisingly fit. Even though she was a stoutly woman, her daily hard work and chores kept her strong and hearty. Her life long dream was to be a model in a fashion ad.

So one day, late in life, Ol’ Hatters was on the front porch watering the basil plants.  All of a sudden a bright flash of greenish-blue light bellowed from the sky. As Hattie blinked her eyes to regain her vision, she saw before her a woman in a long gown… which was very sparkly and made of silver. She wore a tiara on her head and held a wand with a star on top.

Hattie exclaimed, “Well, what the holy crap?”

“I am your Fairy Godmother. And because you have been such a kind and loving woman your entire life, I will grant you ANY wish your heart desires,” said the rotund little old lady before her.

Hattie’s lifelong desire for high fashion took hold. Just yesterday, she had just seen an ad for Nickel’s Hosiery in the Good Housekeeping Magazine. Oh…how she would love to own a pair of stockings… just like the models and famous movie actresses. That was her wish. Yes, a pair of Nickel’s Hosiery… the kind with the seam that runs down the back of the leg.  It wasn’t much… but that is all she wanted.

The next morning, Hattie awoke with a rush of excitement. Today she was to get her wish. As she lopped out of bed…. so did her breasts. Much to her shock and bewilderment, Hattie’s boobs were NOW sagging well below her waist. She was stunned. Mortified.

She exclaimed again, “Well, what the holy crap?”

The Fairy Godmother appeared before her.

“Hattie, what’s the matter, my child? Are you not happy with your wish?

“Heaven’s NO! Hattie exclaimed. I wanted some hosiery to wear… the kind made by the Nickel’s Company….”

“Oh my.” The Fairy Woman sighed. “I thought you said you wanted a pair of Nipples on your Knees.”