I like to give people things.  I do.  But every now and again… it is fun to receive a present too.  Recently, someone very dear to me presented this tremendous gift…. right out of the clear blue.  I was elated.  Don’t you know…. I think quite highly of Albert Einstein.  I believe he is one of the greatest people we’ve ever had romping around on this little planet of ours.   And now….. yes, now….. I have this handsome effigy of good ol’ Mr. E=mc2

Why do I like Al so much? Quite simply:  He rocked.  He had things figured out. Smart guy.  But he managed NOT to be condescending.   If I could have sat and chatted with him… interviewed him… for this Project 368 perhaps… I may have asked….

PK:  Mr Einstein.  You seem to meet  others and life, on an uncomplicated basis. You never patronize, or demean others.  How do you keep things so clear and straightforward?

AE:  Please, call me Albert, or Al.  Or Bertie-Boy.  So to your question….  “If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough.”

PK: Yeah. Easy for you to say Al… but here’s a test of THAT!  If it is really just that easy, then… explain your Theory of Relativity in a simple way….

AE:  “When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it seems like two minutes. When you sit on a hot stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours. That’s relativity.”

PK:  That’s pretty simple Albert.

AE:  “Everything should be as simple as it is, but not simpler.”

PK:  Good advice sir. Things seem to be getting more complicated though these days.  There’s Twitter, and Facebook, and Cellphones, Facetime, digital-everything,  downloads.. bandwidth…

AE:  “It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.”

PK:  Yes sir.  So… What about this?   Some other things in our world seem to be in the crapper these days as well. Political parties run amok. Economic downturns…. Any thoughts?

AE:  “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.”

PK:  But what about those people that have quit questioning?  They seem to just swallow things whole… like… well… like those goofy Talk Radio Shows.

AE:  “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”

PK:  Do you think those kinds of people are harmful to our civilization?  Or should we just turn a blind eye to those extremists? 

AE:  “The world is not dangerous because of those who do harm, but because of those who look away without doing anything.”

PK:  But Al.  Then what do we do?   It seems  those folks always want to argue about things…. or reject people who don’t believe in the same things that they do… or act the same way as they do.  Sometimes… I say… “To the Moon Alice. To the Moon!”

AE:  Oh Polly, Polly, Polly.  You know as well as I do, that Ralph Kramden had it all wrong.…….“Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.”

PK:  Before you go Al…. If you had one thing you could ask us to remember, what would it be?

AE:  “There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.”

PK:  Any regrets Mr. Einstein?

AE:  “If I had my life to live over again, I’d be a plumber.”

(All quotes in BOLD are actual Albert Einstein quotes.  He was some kind of rocket scientist……I’ll tell you…. yes, a rocket scientist….)

It is not often that I am at a loss… when it comes to matters of talking here.

But tonight I am feeling a little serious and a little sad. You see….. A good friend of mine is having a very bad time of it today. Her father was in a serious car accident this morning. Tonight he is on life support, and things are a bit touch and go at the moment. I can only send my message of concern and support. The rest seems pretty helpless from this chair.

Most nights, when I write this piece…. I put the rest of the world aside. I try to focus on things that might make someone out there “feel good” or “think twice” or even “go to the fridge and get a chocolate pudding.” But tonight, it seems a little difficult to use the subliminal chocolate pudding messaging here and now.

I know what my friend would want me to do. She would want me to prattle away on this deal… like I always do.   And with that… I’ll talk about something.

Come to think of it….I did have a bit of an encounter this evening.   I went out to shoot as I always do…. albeit in a somewhat somber and serious mood.   I walked around contemplating  the inherent qualities of the world around us.  I revisited the fact that there really are no guarantees, or that anything is undeniably and absolutely for certain.

At any rate….I had turned my camera to Autofocus, because I was also feeling somewhat lackadaisical.  As I approached the bend in the path….. honest to goodness….WHO did I see but Holy-Smokin’ Big Foot. That brutish creature lurched out from behind a tree. Yes… Mr. Sasquatch. All 7’8″ of that furry beast.

What a day this turned out to be!   Despite being startled…. I spun around, pointed my camera in his direction and KA-SNAP!

Ha! The Gazillion Dollar Photo of BigFoot on my little memory stick.   Apparently,  I scared him as much as he scared me.  Bigfoot ran for the hills. That was okey-dokey-dominokey with Polly K.  I had snagged the shot after all….

Imagine my surprise when I reviewed my images. Apparently, just as I aimed at that Beast of Beasts… THIS THING flew right in front of my lens.  And what the crap is it anyhow?

As it turns out… no fame and notoriety for me.  Instead, all I have for you is this unknown insect. Yes, I tried to shoot Sasquatch, and came back with an Unidentified Flying Object.

I wonder if there is a market for UFO shots?

(And speaking of which…. to my good pal…. I hope you are doing as well as possible… and just like UFOs…. when it comes to friends, YOU,  are out of this world!  I mean that in a good way… )

Most people would have walked right in. But you have NO idea just how long I stood at this particular door and contemplated. That’s right…. deliberated. This conundrum created a great deal of turbulence in my brain. You see, I was:

A.) not only at a loss as to what I should do; but also….

B.) brooding over the intentions behind such a predicament such as this.

To the first part of this…. my confusion is clearly spelled out here. Do I push or do I pull? Not since I saw the “Pushmi-Pullyu“ in the original Dr. Doolittle movie (with Rex Harrison) have I had such anxiety.

But regarding the second half of this… I began to wonder just who may have been behind such an atrocity as this. Was it merely a mishap? An accident? Some 15-year-old clerk not paying attention to what the boss told him to do with the “Pull” sign?

Or was this the work of some Villain at large? Perhaps Dr. Contrary was at work again…. committing deeds of Conflict and Divergence all over our good city. A cruel game of “Red Light Green Light”? Were we on the brink of Cats and Dogs living together?  Absolute turmoil…. for crying out loud!

Or could it be some greater message from the Universe? We’ve seen this sort of thing happen all the time throughout history. This is what great discoveries may be made of. I mean, at some point, Galileo had to figure out that Copernicus was really on to something. Everyone (even the heads of Church & State) said he was wrong about the Sun being in the middle of our little rotation here….. but alas.   So could it be some kind of cue from the Cosmos? About….. well…… about something??

I’m sorry to say, this line of thought went on for hours. And all I really wanted to do was buy a pair of sweat socks.  Darn it.

Just another day in the mind of a Polly.

She lived at 57 Burnham Way her entire life. Old Hattie Jones. She was a kind person, a good wife, and a loving mother. She and Gilbert had nine children together in their lifetimes.

Hattie never asked for anything in all her days. She just constantly cared for others… and gave and gave and gave. She had a heart of gold. But now she was growing older. Gilbert died five years ago, and the kids were all grown. She still had some church friends and neighbors, of course. But nowadays, she mostly liked to sit on the porch steps and read fashion magazines.

You see…. Hattie was surprisingly fit. Even though she was a stoutly woman, her daily hard work and chores kept her strong and hearty. Her life long dream was to be a model in a fashion ad.

So one day, late in life, Ol’ Hatters was on the front porch watering the basil plants.  All of a sudden a bright flash of greenish-blue light bellowed from the sky. As Hattie blinked her eyes to regain her vision, she saw before her a woman in a long gown… which was very sparkly and made of silver. She wore a tiara on her head and held a wand with a star on top.

Hattie exclaimed, “Well, what the holy crap?”

“I am your Fairy Godmother. And because you have been such a kind and loving woman your entire life, I will grant you ANY wish your heart desires,” said the rotund little old lady before her.

Hattie’s lifelong desire for high fashion took hold. Just yesterday, she had just seen an ad for Nickel’s Hosiery in the Good Housekeeping Magazine. Oh…how she would love to own a pair of stockings… just like the models and famous movie actresses. That was her wish. Yes, a pair of Nickel’s Hosiery… the kind with the seam that runs down the back of the leg.  It wasn’t much… but that is all she wanted.

The next morning, Hattie awoke with a rush of excitement. Today she was to get her wish. As she lopped out of bed…. so did her breasts. Much to her shock and bewilderment, Hattie’s boobs were NOW sagging well below her waist. She was stunned. Mortified.

She exclaimed again, “Well, what the holy crap?”

The Fairy Godmother appeared before her.

“Hattie, what’s the matter, my child? Are you not happy with your wish?

“Heaven’s NO! Hattie exclaimed. I wanted some hosiery to wear… the kind made by the Nickel’s Company….”

“Oh my.” The Fairy Woman sighed. “I thought you said you wanted a pair of Nipples on your Knees.”

People change. They do. I think it has largely to do with perspective. What may have seemed important, or daunting, or incredibly impending…. may not really look that way any longer. Yes.  Things evolve.  People adjust.  I think I have even changed a lot in my life time.

One little for-instance: Not so long ago, I did not like to fly. I did not like to be high up in the sky. Sometimes I would cry.  Sometimes I would sigh.  But only if I had to fly up in the sky. (I was sounding a little Dr. Seuss-ish there….. and it turned out to be a whole bunch of fun….so I ran with it.)

But back to the point. I used to be terrified of flying. Petrified. Then one day. Presto. Change-o. No more fear of flying. (Not sure what snapped, crackled, or popped there….but it did.)

Now I have to say I really like to fly (in airplanes). Sitting by the window is best. I love to look out… far and wide… over the clouds.  And  from there, I can glance about, from time to time, and see all the little houses, and all the tiny roads with mini-cars inching down them ever so slowly. I imagine the little people that must be in those itsy-bitsy places, and wonder about their little lives. From up high, in the wild blue yonder, everything underneath seems very small and terribly insignificant.  Miniscule.

Which further reminds me… that for the most part…… it really is insubstantial compared to the greater scheme of things. When we are down here on the ground, everything seems very large, and right in our midst. But up there, where you are floating, soaring, moving through the air at 600 miles per hour, nothing on the ground seems that big or important. Not one thing…..  ……. .. …..

Except for landing, of course.

I like water. It is a pretty astonishing entity. Some kind of an amazing gift, really.

H20. That is two hydrogen atoms, and one oxygen atom…. stuck together in a perfect way. Molecular weight…. 18. All the time.

Of course, there are three states:  solid… liquid… or gas.

I like to drink it, shower in it, swim in it…. skate on it, catch it on my tongue when it falls out of clouds, listen to it, look at it. Even smell it.

Water has the ability to make things live and grow. It also has the power to do just the opposite. This liquid fills our squirt guns, and flushes our toilets.  And then there is the coffee.

In German it is called wasser. Spanish… de ague. Hungarians call it viz.

Water is beautiful in many forms. Baby drool. Dew on plants. Mist at the bottom of a waterfall.

And water can do a lot more…. I mean….

You can lead a horse to water, but I am told it is the dickens to get that animal to drink.
There also seems to be a problem with parents throwing their babies out with the bathwater. Are they just not paying attention?
Things can be dead in the water. There are also bridges that go right over troubled waters. There is a Waterloo. But not a Water Louis.

I have been told on WAY more than one occasion… that I am in hot water. And speaking of which…. there is also Holy Water.

Do you know how do you get Holy Water……. Boil the Hell out of it.

And with that, it seems that I am running out of all things water.
That would be a clear indication that I am high and dry.

Yet, I feel as if the glass is half-full.

It is a small world, after all.

And here we are, in a desperate Global Financial Situation. Things are crumbling all around us. That’s what the media is reporting, and the experts too.

Yes, the World Economy is on a bit of a roller coaster ride, as they say.

I’ve never been very crazy about roller coaster rides. In fact, I can’t stand them. I bet I’ve traveled on a roller coaster… at an amusement park, that is…. maybe….. four times in my life. Tops. I don’t mind the going-down-fast part… but it is the old ratcheting up slowly, the anticipation of horrible things to come…. that I can’t stand. Same with log rides. But those log rides are infinitely worse….. because your underwear gets wet, and stays that uncomfortable-way for the better part of the amusement-park-day.

So when you scootch on up next to Penelope Pitstop, to see if you are tall enough to drive the race cars (on rails that can’t go anywhere regardless of how tall you are)… Yes…. When you put your tallest back up next to ol’ Penelope, or Dudley DoRight, or whomever…. those undies are still soaked from the dag-gone log ride. You can’t stand your tallest with damp skivvies. So you miss out on driving the race car, by 3/4 of an inch. Tops.

And that bites. You have to head on over to Hanna Barbara Land, and ride one of the lame sing-song-story-book ordeals. Or worse yet….you are forced to get on the little motorboat rides that go around in circles. You don’t have to be taller than anyone to get on those. But you are now in the company of eight-year-olds. You are mortified.

May as well pack it in and go get a box of salt water taffy. But dang it…. your drawers are still wet from the dumb old log ride. No appetite for anything… in fact… you are starting to get chills. Even if it IS 84 degrees outside. Your clothes are wet. Right down to the booty.

It stinks being ten, I’ll tell… Yep. It smacks.

So you grow up…… vow never to waste money at amusement parks.  You save it and put it away… and then…. invest. Dabble in the stocks…hey…..things are good. You buy a house, and a real boat. You even buy a race car. HA! That will show YOU Penelope.

Then the Dow drops out. You lose your shirt. Actually, you are completely soaking wet…. all washed up… right down to your skivvies.

Yes, it seems that the world economy is on a bit of a roller coaster ride.  Perhaps, we all should have spent our money at Coney Island, or Disney World. At least we would have gotten some Salt Water Taffy out of the deal.

It’s hard being fifty.

They say there is nothing new under the sun.

Tonight, I think it is true.  Because the sun isn’t up right now.  So, to that I say:  Nighty-Night Sun.

Sleep tight….

And it is off to bed I go.  New discoveries to be had tomorrow…..

“The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand.”
– Frank Hubert

Today, I couldn’t help but to think of the little fella in the white suit on Fantasy Island. I don’t know his real name. I think… on the island… they called him Tattoo. Little Tattoo would yell… “Da Plane! Da Plane!”

Well, that was me today. Yelling at…. “da plane, da plane.” Except for I may have added some choice expletives.

However, I had to be careful. Call me superstitious….. but I didn’t want to curse too much at the broken plane that would ultimately be carrying us 25,000 feet up into the air. Those sorts of things come back to bite you on the ankles. So… not an excessive amount of ill wishes for the aforementioned broken-down-sorry-ass-plane.

What should have been a hop, skip, and a jump down to the Towne named for Charles II, King of England….. turned out to be an all day affair.

On our connector, the plane decided it was time for a technical difficulty. The nice lady from US Airways told us they were going to take it up in the air for some kind of a test run, and then we would know more. A few hours later, the thing gets back from its “test run”….. (I am highly suspicious of this little jaunt…) I mean, Charleston was just a 30 minute flight…. why not load us up and test run the thing down that-a-way?

I know…. I know. Better safe than sorry. But haven’t you ever had the inclination to be a test pilot? Fly fast, fly brave. Well….I’ve had such a propensity . And today was my nearest chance. At any rate…. they brought Da Plane back to the gate, and began to work on it…. right there for God and everyone else to see. Now things are getting long. People are stacking up in the waiting area. Folks are getting downright irritable.

So the Airplane Mechanics make there way out to the problem-plane. They hoist themselves up to the engine area, and start tinkering away.

At that point, I think it is a great idea to yell out….“What the heck? Does that guy have a big tube of Super Glue? Oh my gosh! Hey….LOOK at THAT…. is that duct tape? Tell me…. he is NOT using duct tape on that thing…..” All of this, with my nose and palms pressed against the window glass… peering out toward the tarmac.

I thought it was just what we needed to break the despondency at Gate E24. Heads turned. Nerves crackled audibly. And then the glaring poison-dart-glances began to come my way. Dolefully, I slumped off to Burger King and got a Whopper. I felt slightly better after. (Mayonnaise has great healing properties.)

We eventually boarded that limp-biscuit plane. And, it got us here. A new appreciation for the phrase…”Better Late Than Never.” So just like ol’ Ricardo Montalban, and his little sidekick Tattoo, that young Pilot and Co-pilot had their white suits on…. and made my wishes come true. Back safe and sound…. to Home……. Sweet, Sweet, Home. On Da Plane.

Oh, you may think these “happenings” at the County Fair are all fun and games… but I can assure you… they are NOT.

What ensued here was nothing short of malevolent and ruthless.

Here’s how it went down.

The little girl with the pink slushy-in-hand, was walking along the fairway, looking for a place to sit down….. and take care of that icy delight once and for all. Let us call her Edna. But hold the phone. In her path… was another young slushy-lover and this one was sporting some brawny wheels.  I think we should call her Bernice.

Well, here’s the deal Both Edna and Bernice were styling in Magenta Outfits. Not only would this be enough for a showdown on any fairway, but NOW, a fruity-flavored-icy of the same very color, was added to the mix.  Those two were locked in a stare-down from 30 paces out.

The real trouble started when Edna dangled the cup in Bernice’s direction as they were passing.  So Bernice nudged Edna with her elbow…. right from her stroller.  Edna swung around to give Bernice a glaring look of disdain.  Bernice’s stroller bar hit the icy.  The cup launched into the air like a NASA rocket.  The styrofoam vessle toppled high into the air, swirling, flying, then tumbling, falling… until it finally came to rest on the sizzling hot pavement.  Melting. Melting.  Melting.

Not pretty.  Nope.   In fact… this is about as ugly as it gets.

Tears ensued. Then name calling, and oh my goodness…. the insults. Those little girls were swearing like drunken sailors.

Security was called. They were both cuffed and removed from the grounds. It took eight grown men to get Bernice out’ there…. seven to contain Edna.

Yes, another big day at the fair. It isn’t all rainbows, glitter, and fairy dust. Oh no.

Some times, it gets absolutely down and dirty.

And by the way… I am pretty sure these little fellas aren’t Milk Duds either……