I like Superheroes.  Since I was knee-high to a tad pole.  (Minor diversion here…. how the heck did “Knee-High to a Tadpole” ever get started.  I have YET to meet ONE tadpole with knees.  They sort of look like…. well… they look like sperm.  But definitely… no knee cappers.)

Alright.  Back to Superheroes.  Yes.  Since I was a little kid, I have a thing for Superheroes.  I read comic books, and watched the Saturday morning cartoons.  I drew them.  Had posters.  I even pretended I was a Superhero…. on a pretty regular basis.

Oh, that good old Pretend World.  I know I’ve told the story here before, but part of it bears repeating.  My sister and I would use safety pins to affix bath towels around our necks.  We never wore shirts when we played Superheros.  Or we would pull our t-shirts up over our heads, and behind our necks.  We would then put on brightly colored tights… and tube socks on top of the tights…. like Superhero Boots….  Styling.

Then we dove off our bunk beds onto a couple of small pillows below.  This might have a lot to do with my mental capacity today … or lack thereof….

Now… AquaMan was one of my favorites.  In the summer, I would go to the pool, swim to the deep end, and make believe I was AquaMan.  I loved being underwater… and pretending I could breathe while swimming in the depths.

This too… may have something to do with the amount of brain cells which I have managed to retain as an adult.

So….. imagine my joy as an adult when the Superhero movies began rolling out.  I sure do love them.  I watch them again, and again.  The Batman series was probably the most compelling and enthralling.

But these days… we don’t have any new Superheroes.  They just keep spewing out the old ones… over and over.

Here’s what I say…. we need a whole new breed of Superheroes.  We should take something common…. and make it into Superhero names… with Superhero Powers.

The thing that comes to mind… the prime candidates… which have a pretty bad “reputation” these days…. are Prescription Medications.

Just listen to their names.  Perfect for a whole crowd of Superheroes.  (You can leave them as is… OR…. put a ‘Captain’ in front… or a ‘Man’ in back…  )  You know…. like…

Cpt. Crestor.  Lunesta Man.   Prilosec.  Boy Ambien….. and on and on.

Let’s break a few of them down, with some highlighted details….

Ambien. – The likeable Super Hero.  Happy all the time.  Wears Blue.

Cymbalta. –  This one is a bad guy.  The Arch Rival…. Cymbalta.  Maybe even the Head Bad Guy.  Foreboding music in the background.

Flomax. – I think this should be a woman.  Maybe liquid…  definitely a Shape Shifter.

Lexapro. – Athletic Super.  Strong.

Lunesta. – Super Hero of the Moon.  Lives there.  Flies like crazy.  His weakness are Moon Pies.

Lyrica. – One of the female Supers.  She is musical… and plays any instrument.  She has a magic flute, and harp…. among other things.

Plavix. – A Water Super.  Skates well too.  Wears silver.

Prilosec. – Bad female Super.  Wears black.  Breaks things with her mind powers.

Prozac. – Not human… more like a dinosaur.  Vegetarian.

Ritalin. – Another Bad Super.  This one looks just like the Joker.  A little bit punchy.

Viagra. – Thinks he is a Super Hero… but he is just a regular guy… with a latex cape.  Organ music plays when he enters a scene…..

They all live, work, and save the day.. in a city called Walgreenopolis.

And of course, watching these Superheroes may cause dizziness, drowsiness;  nausea, vomiting;  warmth, redness, or tingly feeling under your skin;  fever;   headache;  memory problems; blurred vision; skin rash or hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat;  mood or behavior changes, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, or the possibility of  impulsive, irritable, agitated, hostile, aggressive, restless, or hyperactive (mentally or physically) behaviors; depression or thoughts about the dark side of the force….  and more.

As with any Super Hero… consult your doctor before taking….  a walk with one.

Ohhhhhhh……  Holy Magnificent Milligrams Batman……

“Aim not for what you are, but for what you could be.” —Lucas Hellmer