Well,  Happy St. Patrick’s Day.

An age old tradition… which I suppose I like, well enough.  I have never thought much about it…. really  … one way or the other.  I am not Irish.  I have no Lucky Irish Ancestors.  Nope.  I was born from a long, long line of poor German Dirt Farmers… on both my Mom & Dad’s sides.  All I have found in my genealogical research was 100% German Heritage as far back as we can go.  Sprechen Sie Deutsch?  Ja, oder nein?

One crusty fellow…. on my Mom’s side… claimed he was French.  But he was born in the same German Village as all his brothers, sisters, parents, and grandparents before him.  I guess he thought being French might be a good  pickup line with the ladies.  Sacre Bleu.  It was 1801.  The whole “Baby what’s your Sign?” thing hadn’t caught on yet.

So back to St. Patrick’s day and the Irish.  St. Patrick was a little fella.  Neat, tidy, nicely trimmed beard, and a dapper hat and tie.  He wore a lot of green knickers, and cute knee socks. Shined his shoes to a glare.   He was a great dancer, and was crazy about rainbows, unicorns, and fairy dust.  I’m thinking he was gay.  I mean…. he even liked it when people called him Patty.

But back to this holiday.  St. Patrick is the Patron Saint.  Those wacky Catholics.  (I can say “Wacky Catholic” because I was baptized one. As were all the poor German Dirt Farmers before me.  But I digress.)

Yes, Patron Saints.  The protecting or guiding saint of a person or place.  A saint who is regarded as the intercessor and advocate in heaven for a nation, place, craft, activity, class, or person.  There is a Patron Saint for just about everything under the sun.

This is one Partying Holiday… and one’s Nationality doesn’t seem to divert the majority of people from the celebrations.  From Green Beer to Corned Beef and Cabbage… to more Green Beer.  AND….. If you DON’T cavort and carouse… hold on to your hats while those around you get green and goofy.

And…..if you DO partake in the revelry and festivities associated with this St. Patrick’s Day… the following “other” patron saints may come in handy for you.

Depending on how far you take the partying… of course.

Saint Fiacre  — Patron Saint of Sexually Transmitted Disease (if you are promiscuous when you are tipsy….)

Saint Rene Goupil — Patron Saint of Anesthesiologists (depending on how bluto you get… you may be your very own anesthesiologist)

Saint Dominic Savio — Patron Saint of Juvenile Delinquents (for the young… who SHOULD be at home studying to be Rocket Scientists)

Saint Monica — Patron Saint of Alcoholics  (it could happen… I’m just saying…)

Saint Hubert of Liege — Patron Saint of Mad Dogs (for those of you who can’t hold your liquor)

Saint Edward the Confessor — Patron Saint of Difficult Marriages (if you stay out too late without your spouse)

Saint Casimir of Poland — Patron Saint of Bachelors (what you might BE if you stay out too late without your spouse)

Saint Polycarp — Patron Saint against Dysentery (plop, plop, fizz, fizz)  (…. and this one sounds sort of like Polly Crap…..)

Saint Denis — Patron Saint of Headaches (….this one is THE OBVIOUS).

Ohhhhh….. no matter how you spend your Luck of the Irish on  St. Patrick’s Day… remember this…. Keep joy in your soul, a spring in your step… and magic in your heart.

“Be grateful for luck. Pay the thunder no mind – listen to the birds. And don’t hate nobody.”  – Eubie Blake (who was probably not Irish….)