I like chickens.  For a ton of reasons.  There are a lot of chickens to like… I’ll tell ya’!  There are more chickens on earth than there are people, over three billion in China alone.  Do you think they cluck in Chinese?  I’d like to hear this sometime….

But back at it……

First of all, the name is perfect.  Chicken.  You can say it all sorts of different ways, with various inflections.  It is just a happy word….I think.  Chicken.  Chicken. Chicken.  And it is even better  when used in a phrase… “Now there goes one good looking chicken.”

See what I mean.

The next thing.   Chickens are cute.  As babies.  Aren’t we all, really?  But the baby chicken is fuzzy and…. and… fuzzy.  Saying “Baby Chickens” sounds even better than just saying plain old “Chickens.”

Now….. Most people don’t care for the walking around in the barnyard kind of chickens.  But I think they are pretty spry and dapper.  I propose that most of the modern hip-hop dances moves are based entirely on chicken movements.  Groovy  Chicks.  And…..a chicken can have 4 or 5 toes on each foot.  I also think this is why they are such great dancers.

Speaking of dancing…. If you’ve ever been forced to participate in the dreaded Chicken Dance, you have Werner Thomas to thank. The Swiss accordionist wrote the song (originally called “Der Ententanz”) in 1963.  He used to play it to customers in the diner he owned.  Dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah…. Dah. Dah. Dah. Dah.

If you have a fear of chickens you may be Alektorophobic.  My Mom is one.  She got pecked by some chickens when she was little.   That’ll put the fear of chicken in ya’!

Here is a big important fact about chickens.  They taste good. Not that they possess over-developed palettes.  No.  I mean… when I EAT THEM, they taste good.  Sorry Vegans and PETA folks.  I like a good chicken.  Grilled, Fried, BBQed, Fricasseed, Boiled, Saute’ed.  Yep.  I like chicken soup and chicken gravy too.  Apparently, I am not the only one.  Americans consume 8 billion chickens a year. That’s a lot of chicken, Colonel.

Now on to the eggs.  Chicken Embryos.  This might be the best part of a chicken. Good thing they don’t all hatch.  Otherwise, we’d have way too many chickens in the world, and not enough egg salad, Eggs Benedict, fried egg sandwiches, and MOST of all…. eggs over easy to go with my grits.

And since we are on the subject of eating… I was at a restaurant the other day.  A waiter approached a man at a table next to me.  The guy was studying the menu carefully at this fancy-smancy  restaurant.

“May I take your order, sir?” the waiter asked they guy. “Well, I was wondering how you prepare your chickens.” The man replied.

“Oh, it’s nothing too special, sir,” the waiter confided. “We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.”

That sort of made me feel really bad for the chicken.  So I ordered the duck.