As a society, we put WAY too much emphasis on the horse race.

Why horses, I ask you?  Now don’t get me wrong.  I love a good horse race.  The Kentucky Derby, and the whole Triple Crown, is right up my alley.  In fact… I wear Jockey Underwear for Women.
THAT is how much I like horse racing.

But back to the original question.  Why horses.

Now I have long been a proponent of the Cow Races.  It has been no secret here, if you have read my column for very long at all.  Geez, how I love a good Cow Race.  And those cows, I’ll tell you.  They do away with all the Pomp and Circumstance.

Heck.  Drive down any country road, on any given day… and you will be sure to find a cow race.

Here is the thing though.  What about other animals?  Greyhounds.  Sure. But I feel so bad for that poor little rabbit.  I say we do away with…. TOTALLY do away with… those pesky Greyhound races.

BUT.  Have you ever seen a Groundhog run?  I’ll tell you.  It is the cutest dang thing you’ve ever watched in your life.   Cuter than a Baby Contest in Goodlooks, USA.

Those Groundhogs are a little bit on the….. um…… “thick” side.  So when they run…. they….. uhhhnnnnn….. welll….. they jiggle.  And before you know it… when they are in an all out sprint, they look like a bowl of furry jelly in a centrifuge … as they bound across a lawn.

And they make a noise… like…. “Ogggggidy.  Oggggidy. Ogggidy.”

Oooooooh. It IS CUTE!

And to carry this another step.  People don’t like Groundhogs on their property.  So we go around.. and LIVE TRAP them.  We take them to the Groundhog Race-Training-Camp.  We get them into racing shape…. make little  racing-tank-tops with numbers on them… brightly colored, of course.
And… we are off to the races.

Now if this sounds profoundly brilliant to you, please sign the petition below for…. “I support Groundhog Racing Project 2013”

We thank you for your support.  Oggggidy.

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and so on… and so on….

“You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.” – Albert Einstein