Tonight, I am feeling about as clear as mud.

But, yesterday, we were speaking of politics…..so I will pick it up there.

The politicos vie for power.

Power to make his or her country a better place in which to live.

Power to accomplish things.  
Power to make situations better.

Power to do what is right and equitable for the people of the land….
That is all in theory. Really.

And…. With Power comes Responsibility.

Once again, a great thought. Noble. Virtuous. But theoretical.

Abraham Lincoln once said, “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.”

Wise old Abe.

Joke for the Day….

Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two.  One to screw it in and one to screw it up.

Trivia…

Abraham Lincoln, of course, was shot by John Wilkes Booth.  Booth was injured while jumping from the balcony where Lincoln had been sitting.  Dr. Samuel Alexander Mudd treated Booth for his injuries, and was later sentenced to life in prison for doing so.  Hence the origin for the phrase “His name is mud.”

And still tonight… I am feeling about as clear as mud.

Muddling.

Election Tuesday has come and gone. It is one of the staples of November.

Now you would think we could all breathe a sigh of relief. Yes. The political ads have been silenced at last. We have a bit of a respite.

Okay. That sigh of relief is over. Momentary… at best. This is a Presidential Election Year. Like it or not, the political machine has begun to churn once again. The madness has commenced.

Politics in the United States (probably everywhere) can be complicated, confusing, mean-spirited and convoluted. Yet… we need it. We are built on the voting rights of the people, by the people, for the people.

You.  Me.  We the people.

Here is the best I can explain politics in America.

This morning I was eating my morning meal at my favorite breakfast restaurant, Toast. One of the things I most look forward to is their grits.

Yes, the grits at Toast are some kind of gift from the Breakfast Gods. They are so rich, and creamy, and delicious…. they are almost too good to eat. Almost. Yes. I probably eat more grits than a human ought to. But it is like manna from heaven. I delight in them. I make yummy noises while I eat. Are you getting the picture? I like ’em.

So yes. This morning, a man was sitting at the table beside me. A tourist from Ohio. The Cleveland area. Not that I was eavesdropping, but I was eavesdropping. He wanted to try this Southern Tradition called Grits.

I thought to myself, “Boy oh boy. This guy is in for a treat. He’s gonna’ fall right off his chair with joy.” The hot, steaming bowl of grits arrived at his table, he took a bite, and spit it out on his plate. The guy calls the waiter over and says, “Grits are the most horrendous thing I have ever tasted in my life. This is like eating tasteless, slimy, warmed up, paste. This is for total crap.”

Quote. Unquote.

And that….. my friends….. is politics.

Yes, what tastes like a golden delicacy to me, is crappy bowl of paste to someone else. Both of us are so certain and sure about ourselves and our opinions on this. We just tasted the same exact thing…. but we have two entirely different perspectives on a remarkably identical object.

And so it goes. Welcome to Election Year 2012.

“A fanatic is always the fellow on the opposite side.”
-Will Rogers

For squirrels…. our yard is a little bit of Paradise, yes it is. The Promised Squirrel Land. Utopia. Shangri-La. Bushy Tailed Bliss. That is…. before WE showed up.

The yard holds a line of well established trees. A great balance of sun and shade. A water source, in the way of a small fountain, and nice, soft ground. Oh so nice to dig around & hide things therein…..

So here’s how it played out before we arrived here in October. At least, my best guess.

All summer long, the little squirrels gathered a boat load of nuts. They preceded to bury them in our yard. Great strategic planning for the rest of the winter…. right? Theoretically.

Like I said. This was a great place until we showed up. We….which includes three dogs. Three squirrel-chasing-dogs.

The battle between these two parties intensifies on a daily basis.

The squirrels try to retrieve their nuts. The dogs try to retrieve the squirrels. The chasers and the chased.

So now the word is out on the squirrel street.

When we take our walks, the dogs and I…. we are frequently hit on the heads with acorns, pecans, walnuts…. you name it nutty…. it hits us.

I do NOT think this is coincidental. No. Not at all. The squirrels have it out for us.  A vendetta.   And wouldn’t you know it?  They have great aim.

They taunt us. I am starting to get a nervous twitch.

Why, just the other day, I think one of them was giving me the Peace Sign minus one.

I am not sure how to resolve this conflict… but it is getting out of hand.

So tonight I took my iPod with some portable speakers out back… and played a little John Lennon for my friends in the trees….

“Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us, and the world will be as one.”

I don’t know if this is going to work or not… but a few of them were swaying back and forth and holding up their little Bic Lighters.

All we are saying… is give peace a chance.

Well, there you have it….

YOU are completely & totally unique.  Just like everyone else.

Oh, it is funny, but it is true. We are all individuals, with our own ideas, and thoughts, hopes, and dreams. Each and everyone of us has something incredible to offer this world. Sometimes it surfaces. Other times, it never manifests. Yet the fact remains. We are seven billion strong in our uniqueness.

Yes. We are all one-of-a-kind, unrepeatable, distinct souls…. and the paradox therein remains…. so is every one else.

This makes life interesting…. and often times… challenging.

But every once in a while, we are lucky enough to find our other pea in the pod. Even if it is a carrot. On occasion, we are blessed with a champion, a confidant, a true friend, or even a soulmate and true love. (Even the better when it is all wrapped into one.)

C.S. Lewis once said that “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”

And it is a good thing to find that comfort, that side-by-side-ness, that ease and solace. Such a gift…. that we might be blessed this way…. to share our lives with a few choice others.

In our uniqueness and distinctiveness, we can journey through this world, with others.  And it becomes true, that… in our friends, we find our second selves.

“If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.” – Winnie the Pooh

Walking three dogs is a heck of a lot harder than walking two.  I used to think 2 dogs were troublesome to steer.  But now I know.  Three is simply borderline insanity.

This afternoon, while on our walk, a woman stopped me and asked how much I charge.  Well…. since my “hookin” days are over….

I asked her  “Charge for what?”

“Dog walking.  Aren’t you the dog walker?”

To which I responded, “These are my dogs.  I am walking them, so technically, I am the walker.  But none of them have a red cent… so I don’t charge them a thing.”   She waved her hand dismissively as she scurried away… muttering something about a crazy woman….

Oh well. More importantly….

There is a lot to be learned from our friends who are dogs.

They have a gazillion life lessons to teach us.  Golden Retrievers are especially adept at this…. but all dogs are pretty good, I’ll tell you.

Some general observances….

Wash your own dish when you a through eating.
Take naps.
If someone you like walks into the room, show them just how happy you are to see them.
On the other hand, if somebody bigger than you is peeing… get the heck out of the way.

Today, our dogs reminded me that “time” is a human device.  We labeled it, we conjured up its fragments of minutes and years and seconds and hours.  We live by its markers and measures.

All other beings follow their internal clocks.    Yes, this morning, at 5:27, the “girls” were awake and ready to go out.   The human clock followed the Daylight Savings Rules and “fell back” over night.  But to the dogs, time remained exactly the same.

This would would have been all fine and good… but I stayed up late watching reruns of Murder, She Wrote, to whittle away those extra bunch of minutes.  (I love the folks in Cabot Cove.  They have lots of Golden Retrievers there.)

But, yes.  Three dogs, we do have… three different styles of lesson giving.

From Maxine, the Queen Terrier of the house:  Set boundaries.  That way, others don’t walk all over you.  Bark just a bit… if your personal space is encroached.  Have a backbone.  Good lesson.

From Frances, the Saint.  Patience and gentleness do not go unnoticed.  Live life with those two devices, and you have set your standards of integrity and fairness at a very high place.  This is commendable.  Another good lesson.

From Ollie, the Court Jester.  Have fun.  Chase your tail. Forget about it.  Have fun.  Chase your tale.  Forget about it.  Heyyyyy…Have fun.  “HEY…. who put that tail back there???  I’m chasing it.  Wooo Hooooo!”  Forget about it.

Oh so many great things to learn from them.  But one of the best of all… might be….what they show us day in and day out.

“The heart has reasons that reason does not understand.”
-Jacques Benigne Bossuel (dog lover and keeper…. circa 1652 AD)

It is a bit of a sad day, if you ask me. On Friday night, we lost Andy Rooney. He was 92.  Sure, I know. When an elderly person dies… a lot of people say… “Oh…..he was 92 when he died.  But he had a good long life.” Hmmm. I’ll ask them how they feel about that statement when they are 91 years,  364 days, an 23 hours old.

At any rate, I bet old Andy is having a great conversation right now…. probably with Erma Bombeck. I think they were the male and female versions of each other…. I loved them both…. and miss their humor, their spark, their cleverness.

Erma: Well Andy, how have you been. How do you feel about this dying business?

Andy. Over rated. Death is a distant rumor to the young.  How about you?

Erma: I used to say when I was alive: When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, “I used everything you gave me.”

Andy: And did you….?  What’d he say?

Erma:  Nice job Toots. That was it…..     So Andy…. did you read the rule book when you got up here? There are three chapters on minding your manners around here.

Andy:  Nothing in fine print is ever good news.

Erma:  Oh c’mon….. it is fun up here. People laugh all the time… just for the hell of it. Whoops. (Sorry Boss). Just for Heaven’s Sake, is what I meant.   And we all know… When humor goes, there goes civilization.

Andy: Yep. If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

Erma: There are lots of famous people in our section. I swear to God (whoops, sorry again Boss)… I… uh…. I think I saw Michael Jackson the other day. Did you know he was a Vegetarian?

Andy: Vegetarian – that’s an old Indian word meaning ‘lousy hunter’  …..Good thing he could sing and dance…. ‘cuz he looked like really lousy hunter.  He could have used a steak or two.

Erma: Yep… Well….. I love to eat.  I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.   But when I was alive….in just two decades I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. I should have been hanging from a charm bracelet.   But there is no dieting up here. That makes me happy as a clam.

Andy:   Happiness depends more on how life strikes you…. than on what happens.

Erma:  Ain’t it the truth old pal.  Ain’t it the truth!  Well Andy, I gotta’ run over to the gates and grab some feathers. Hey….  I know people didn’t always agree with you on Earth…. I mean….. you sure could toot your horn.  But you’ll find folks are much more compassionate up here.

Andy: On Earth I found that….  The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.  And, it seems that People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.   Did you learn any great lessons while you were there?

Erma: Lots.  But one for sure   ….It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.   How about you?

Andy: One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.

Erma Bombeck  February 21, 1927 – April 22, 1996

Andy Rooney  January 14, 1919 – November 4, 2011

This third ball in the solar system is filled from rim to brim….I am telling you… FILLED….. with interesting little snidbits. I am constantly delighted by the little interesting facts that float around.

I just read today that it is illegal to sell or own chewing gum in Singapore. As I looked into this… I found out it WAS true. The country banned it because Singaporians were sticking those chewed up gum fragments under tables and chairs. Lobbyists, U.S. Government officials, and Wrigley got into the “stew pot” around this “controversial” law. It was revised  in 2004 to allow chewing.  How WE got involved with that sticky situation…. I do not know.

I think this is almost as dumb as Kim Kardashian. I am not even sure who Kardashian is or why she is famous… or what she has accomplished or contributed to this planet…

But I sure am tired of hearing about her 9 hour marriage.  I think she should be banned in Singapore and the U.S.

Yet for all the dumb stuff… there are some really great crumbs in the cookie bag.

Like.. Mel Blanc… the voice of Bugs Bunny… it turns out he was allergic to carrots.

Now that is pretty funny. Doc.

Here is another thing for all you red-lipped ladies and drag queens. The average woman consumes 6 pounds of lipstick in her lifetime. Maybe….. But you look marvelous.

At this point, I can be very sure of one thing. I have not consumed even 1/1000 of an ounce of lipstick in my life. I bend the average way toward the null and void.  Kiss me….. and I won’t leave a trace.

However, when I was a kid… I used to sneak out to the garage and eat the rock salt which would be used on the driveway when there was ice and snow. I would mostly do this after I’d eaten a good helping of paste. For some reason, I liked the combo. I think this explains a lot about my current mental state…. Heaven only knows how we survived as kids.

Did you know 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321?

This planet is round… yet there are “four corners of the earth.” Go figure.

The name aardvark translates literally into earth pig. I could name a whole bunch of other earth pigs. But I won’t.

As it gets close to bedtime… I will close with a couple of other items I just learned. The bullfrog is the only animal that does not sleep. Ever. On the other hand, the hairy armadillo snoozes for 20.4 hours a day.

I am feeling like a VERY hairy armadillo. Could be too much paste and rock salt…..  or not enough lipstick.

This evening I saw Bonnie Raitt over at the Dock Street Theatre on Church Street. I wasn’t just walking by and happened to bump in to her…. … no. We actually saw her in concert.

I could talk about a lot of different things tonight, because it was one of those events that was jam-packed with notable occurrences. But first, the most obvious… Bonnie Raitt herself.

She is an American Music Icon. (I would classify her as a Blues / Rock Artist. This was up for discussion this evening, among other things.) At any rate, she is 62 years old and she looks fabulous. Her voice is amazing. Her stage presence still shines. After all these years… she manages to keep it “fresh” up there on stage.

That has to be hard after singing “Let’s Give ‘Em Something To Talk About” for the 17,938th time.

But she did it. Great. I heard one woman in the audience say it was “a dream come true.”

The whole evening was, indeed, a bit enchanting. We belong to this “Concert Series” at the Dock Street, as I mentioned. The Theatre in itself is something to behold. It was built in 1736 & opened with a performance of The Recruiting Officer. It was the first building in America constructed exclusively to be used for theatrical performances. Not only that, but….. Flora, the first opera performance in America, took place at this Historic Building. There a bucket loads of history on this place… just around the corner from us.

The bottom line… it is a small and cozy venue for concerts. I was probably 10 yards away from Ms. Raitt. Did I mention she is 62 and she looks great?! Totally. Albeit, her lead guitarist hadn’t weathered quite as well….

Included in your ticket price is a “Cocktail Party” prior to the concert.  A wide selection of Hors d’oeuvres and Cocktails. While I don’t drink alcohol, I was knocking back Diet Cokes like Forrest Gump & his Dr. Peppers at the White House.

However, the guy sitting next to us must have been doing the exact same thing …. but…. with Gin & Tonics.

You see, the previous musical performance (of this series) there was “Earth, Wind, & Fire”.   He kept telling us it was the best concert he had ever seen in his life.  In all his very days!   He went on & on about how phenomenal the performance was. Astonishing. Amazing. Brilliant. But the thing of it is…. he kept calling them “Kool & the Gang”….

Now I’m not sure if “Earth, Wind & Fire” would be offended, or complemented by the “Kool & the Gang” label. However, if you are going to say it is the BEST concert you’ve ever seen in your entire life… at the very LEAST… you should get the name of the band right.

There were lots of interesting happenings tonight… but the star of the evening…. HAD to be….

the “Fried Macaroni & Cheese Squares” served at the cocktail party. In between Diet Cokes…. I kept tackling the guys with the Mac & Cheese Trays… Holy Smokes they were good.

I thought the highlight of my evening would be “Love Letter” or “Have a Heart” or some other song by Ms. Raitt and her arsenal of well-crafted lyrics.

Instead, it was white pasty food that had been shaped into little squares and  deep fried. It was like a dream come true… I’ll tell you… a dream come true.

Now THAT is something to talk about….

“It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like “What about lunch?”” – Winnie the Pooh

You can always tell “those nights” when I have a lot on my mind.   Tonight is one of those nights….

Oh, I’ve tried to write.  I’ve sat here for way more than an hour trying different things….

I wrote about Warren G. Harding, She-Crab Soup,  Marie-Antoinette, Professional Football, and Mockingbirds.

Zero.  Nadda.  Zilch.

A summary for you, in order of appearance above:

Bad president, good stew, bad teeth & lost her head, rough sport, and noisy beaks.  See?  Null.

So, instead of pressing on, I leave you with this interesting Scientific News:

Biologists have recently produced immortal frogs by removing their vocal cords. They can’t croak.

And that my friends, may not be as fine as frog hair, but it is all I can do tonight…..

I am happy to say… that once again…. Coffee is GOOD for me. Yes, I heard on the news a couple of nights ago, that a few cups of regular old coffee a day is beneficial to my health. Glory be. A few months ago a report declared that java was worse than ingesting turpentine.  I kept on drinking it though.  I knew the next doctor, funded by Folgers (or whomever) would conduct a new study… and find out that coffee is THE “wonder elixir” once again.  Ta Da.

I haven’t heard anything about white bread and mayonnaise being beneficial, but I’m still holding out.  It is just a matter of time.

And there’s that crazy little phrase again.

“It is just a matter of time.”

Now there is a lot to be said for “it is just a matter of time.”

For instance.  I was out running this morning, and a young man walking his dog said to me….”Well, good for you ma’am!” I smiled and nodded and ran a few more steps … and………

WHAT THE HECK? What is this fella’ saying to me? Did I hear him RIGHT… like he was talking to some little old lady….”Good for you Ma’am?????”   Oh my.  I about had a massive coronary right there on the sidewalk.

And then it hit me. To him…….  ….. I AM some little old lady out running, in my Rocky-Wannabe-Sweats.

I then wept uncontrollably right there on the sidewalk.

Just when does that pendulum of time start swinging the other way? For a lot of our lives… we wish to be older. We long for it. We all but wish our lives away when we are young.

When we are six, and someone asks us our age… we make every second count…  We proudly exclaim, “Well. I am six and a half!” ……. And a HALF.

In our teen years, we could narrowly wait to do things like date, drive, and be old enough to drink. Old enough to finally get “out on our own.” And on, and on. Then some where along the line… it flips.

These days…. we say things like… “Oh. I’d LOVE to be 40 again.” Not 40 and a half. Just plain old 40.

So… tonight… with my “College-Athlete-Persona-MoJo” all crushed beyond recognition… I am resolute in drinking my coffee black the way I like, eating my mayonnaise on white bread the way I like it…

Enjoying every sight, smell, sound and touch of this amazing and wonderful life…. not wishing a single moment away.

And that is what MY latest study says.

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”- Maria Robinson