Dear Polly,

You must get your information from Bozo the Clown. First  I don’t know who this Janet is or if she bothered to google your facts or not.   But when I went online and did a google search fro National Love Your Bug & Insect Week. There is no such of a thing that we could find. There is an National Insect Week but it is in June. Where do you get your sources of information? We wish you would start to get it right.  I think it is annoying.

Later on,
Ricky
Youngstown, Ohio

===========================

Dear Ricky from the Town for the Young,

Thanks for writing…. but before I answer your questions, I have one for you… What exactly happens later on. Now you really have me wondering. “Later On….. WHAT?” I need to know! Send me another note… before it is too late.  I probably won’t sleep tonight…. wondering… wondering….

Okay. On to YOUR line of questioning.

Earlier this evening,  I looked out and saw that the whole world was leaning. The horizon looked pretty much okay… Even-Steven…. as far as my eyes could see. But the sky was seriously slanting. The sun, the clouds, the entire Blue Yonder was on a big slope.  Whacky.  I suspect this may be the problem…. why I can’t get things “right”.

When everything else in the world is on some kind of a crazy tilt… how do you expect me to be on the straight and narrow? Get things right?  Ricky.  How can I be positive about anything……?

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”

And there you have it.
You see, I still have all my electrons.  I’m not positive about anything.

But it doesn’t make me negative either.  I’m simply full of electrons…. under the sloping, slanting, tilting sky.

Yours truly,
Polly

There are some things on this planet that are just plain….. weird.

You will be walking along, minding your own beeswax, and then it happens. You spy something that makes you say…. right out loud….

“Well dip me in molasses and roll me in corn meal! That is the strangest thing I’ve ever seen!”

Okay. Maybe YOU don’t say that…. but I sure like to say that, from time to time.

I get it naturally.  I can remember when I was little. My Grandma K. took us to Scotland. We were out in a row boat on a big lake that was part of the Great Glen Mor. Something bumped the boat… a large fish or something, we thought. But then we spotted her. The Loch Ness Monster. Seriously.

And do you know what Grandma said? “Well dip me in molasses and roll me in corn meal! That is the strangest thing I’ve ever seen!”

Yes. It truly was….. just plain weird.

Today I was summoned to to view this little specimen. Heaven only knows what it is…all orange and purple and knobby in its prickly realm. Heck, I bet this thing doesn’t know if it coming or going. And exactly what is it for?   Will it grow up to be something else? Evolve into a butterfly or moth?   It may just get larger and larger…. and star in horror movies?   Or maybe taller and bulkier and be a mascot for some future NFL Franchise?

I am betting on the film career. Stephen King’s next movie: The Knobby.

It is the little things like this… that really make me wonder. Not only about WHAT it is… but also what it is LIKE to BE this little thing.  Scientists postulate that there isn’t much brain activity happening… but how do we REALLY know?

It could be an alien from another planet… with highly evolved brain activity that is imperceptible to human testing…. and perhaps it was sent here to observe us and report back to the mother planet. Which is where the Loch Ness Monster hails from. And Stephen King.

Yes. Just those little strange things in life that make you say, right out loud…. “Well you can just dip me in tomato paste, and roll me in cupcake sprinkles….”

….. I am sort of thinking…. that at this point…. it might be a really good idea for me to switch to decaf.

(Sidenote:  This week in “National Love Your Bugs & Insects Week”… Hence the reason for all my recent bug photos…Seriously.  Google it Janet.)

The greatest wonders of the world are sometimes… right there before us. To see. To feel, hear, smell, taste, and touch.

We only need to look. Life’s best treasures are often as plain as the noses on our faces.

The rut of complacency claims all of us at one time or another. We forget to notice the splendor.

But keeping a heart filled with gratitude will help to keep us aware of the small and large miracles that we have in our lives…

I know, that many times, it isn’t easy to feel grateful for our situations. Things can feel very hard every now and again.

(People have come up with some pretty catchy phrases to express this dismay. But I will keep the language clean tonight.)

Yet, every now and again, you meet someone who is completely delightful… and has the uncanny ability to marvel at life. They exude it. But they do it humbly, and with grace. I am very fond of those individuals.

Yes, I also love to invite those types out for a game of tennis, or golf, or croquet, on a beautiful sunny day. Anything competitive really. Mostly because I always win against them. Yeah. Beat the holy crap out of ’em. While they are over smelling the roses, I am serving aces, or knocking the ball on the green. It is WAY easier to cheat against them too…. especially in croquet (and lawn darts). They are off feeding the birds, and such… not paying attention to the game at hand. Heaven knows……how I love to win.

Oh wait. Did I just say all of that out loud….

[[– huge knot in my throat…. accompanied by hot-red-facial-flashes… followed by a long… reticent ……awkward silence here –]]

Okay, tomorrow, I will write about honesty, integrity, and remorse. And learning from others’ good example.

…. and mulligans.

Today is Meriwether Lewis’ Birthday. The Explorer.  Ford named a car for him.  No.  Not the Ford Meriwether. Although, I like it. The Ford Explorer. Four-wheel-drive Sport Utility Vehicle.  All terrain. Rugged. Ram Tough. Just like an explorer.

If Ford had made the Meriwether, I don’t really see it as being an SUV. No. The Meriwether sounds like a wimpier Ford. Like the Pinto. Or the Fiesta. Or the Percival. (Okay, Ford never had a Percival… but if they did…. well… I wouldn’t buy one, I’ll tell you that much right now.)

But back to Meriwether Lewis. Growing up, I thought the duo’s FIRST names were Louis and Clark.

……”Yo, Louie.” ……..  “Hey, how’s it hanging Clark?”  That’s how I imagined them rooting around in the untamed wilderness, with their little raccoon skin caps perched atop their heads. Forging their way over the river and through the woods. I didn’t have any idea then what their last names were.

Now I know. Good old Meriwether Lewis, and William Clark.

Yes. William and Mery. Don’t be fooled by popular belief either: The second oldest university in the United States in named for those two explorers. Founded 1693 in the Virginia region. The College of William and Mary. True story. First a school named for them, then an SUV.  They also got a candy bar.  And a gas station….. ……And a comedian… (that pair was Lewis and Martin).  Funny guys.

Meriwether Lewis was a jocular guy in his own right. A real prankster. He would find locust skins in the woods… on leaves and such. Then he would strategically place them around camp. On spoons. In the crapper. One time, he put a locust shell on Clark’s nose while he was sleeping.  That is how Lewis got shot in leg.  True Story.  Clark felt terrible about the whole debacle.  Absolutely terrible.

Lewis and Clark had about 35 or so enlisted men with them for the journey.  Most of them were… of all things… Polish Beer Drinkers.  Seriously.  Boy…..They sure would have fun around the campfires at night.  Oh, the jokes.

So today is his birthday.    I love historical birthdays… because I love history.  So much fun to recount all the little details….and so accurately.

I think the next time I write about history… it will be the story of free beer in Poland.  Or something along those lines.

Yes, I love to explore… and even joke around from time to time… just like ol’ Louie.

This is one of the fasteners that holds the bridge together, just down the road from where I live.  It appears to me that this particular grouping of nuts and bolts has seen better days.

I am not sure which is actually doing the holding together. The interlocking threads of the two… or the rust that has formed over the last 300 years, or so.

Now I know I’ve mentioned that I drive over this bridge. It makes me shiver in my socks, I’ll tell you. I always wait until the car in front of me gets all the way across. I postulate that the less weight at any given time, the better for the longevity of the bridge.  Especially while I am on it.

The big reveal here, is this. I spend a heck of a lot of time worrying. Yep. I worry about everything under the sun… and above the sun too.

It started as a child. Chicken Little had nothing on me. I was always scurrying around… just certain the sky was going to drop out of the sky. Honest to goodness. It seemed that anything I heard on the news… or read about in school… was certain to happen to me or someone I knew. Of course, most of the time, things were a-ok…. okey dokey smokey.

But this has stuck with me… well into adulthood. I am smart enough to know that worrying has never made any situation better.  But then the anxiety creeps in… my evil-twin-Chicken-Little takes over the reasoning part of my brain… and the next thing you know….  I’m pacing the floor about something.

Things that keep me up at night:

What was the best thing before there was sliced bread?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

What is the speed of dark?

Can I buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?

What about Roman paramedics…. do they refer to IV’s as “4’s”?

How come psychics don’t win the lottery… all the time?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?  I think it should be Number One by now.  Seems unfair.

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?  Without the shell, does he get cold?

Are vegetarians allowed to eat animal crackers?

People are always putting their “Two Cents” in…………… but they only get a “Penny” for their thoughts. Where is all that extra change going?

Arthur Somers Roche once said, “Worry is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.”

This worries the crap out of me.  I’ve got an awful lot of trickling going on upstairs.    Which may explain a lot…..

I’ll probably always be a worrier.  Stuck that way.  No hope for transformation.

If you happen to put your two cents in on this one… just know that I can’t make any change.

You just never know what you will see around the next corner. And looky what I found. A big old shout out to Chad. Now I am not so sure about this… at all.  The entire graffiti thing is highly confusing to me.

What the heck does this mean?  Honestly?  Is someone simply saying “Hi” to someone else named Chad?  If that is the case, it seems to me that merely walking right up to Chad, and saying….. “Hi” would have been a lot less trouble. And a lot more legal. I am thinking that phones would work in this situation too.  Heck… we are right in the middle of some kind of a digital age.  A text message or an email even would have accomplished the task.  Hi Chad.

But maybe it is more.   It could be that this individual is extremely interested in the Republic of Chad…… that desperately poor, and landlocked country in Central Africa. In spite of all that…they have a VERY cool flag.  There is the possibility that this person is giving some sort of a tribute or recognition of THAT particular Chad.

Conceivably, it is a political graffiti announcement. Yes, it may very well be that this person still hasn’t gotten over the Bush vs. Gore debacle of 2000, and wishes to acknowledge that pesky hanging chad.  Gone, but not forgotten. That whole Chad-Fiasco really does deserve a good spray painting.

The graffiti could be some cryptic message, or an acronym. Cats Hate All Dogs. Or…. Craving Hollandaise and Donuts….. Criminals Have Attention Deficit.  (Join in.  It is fun.)

The whole graffiti thing is mysterious.  Just down the wall, there were all sorts of instructions about “making a meal of kitty cats and people named Richard.” Why would anyone want to consume cats and Richards? I don’t understand this at all.

There were a lot of references to Richards, now that I think of it.

I have also surmised that these graffiti people are poor spellers. They were wishing people a LOT of luck. Not only poor spelling, but terrible grammar.  Luck You! Luck Off.  (And a bunch of dumb-bed-makers…. Tucking Idiots.)

I certainly could not comprehend the bulk of all this.  Perhaps a bit of a crude ritual, in my small opinion.  (Oh… when you care enough to send the very best…. drop by the hardware store.)

I think there are a myriad of other ways…to express yourself… or to get your message across.  Maybe they should try blogs.  I hear those things are great.  But I’ve also heard….it is the dickens getting the spray paint off your monitor screen every night….

Tonight, we bring to you a Special Presentation of 368. Like a good Opera, or Play, tonight’s version will have an Act One and an Act Two. Maybe even an Intermission. So, without further ado, please join us for 368.

♠ Act One: The Competition.

The calls came in.  On the left:  Mouse Imposter.  On the right:  True Mouse.

Well, you may not have known it..… but all of you were participants in 368’s very first Competition.   And the winner is…. Ms. B. Felton, of Ohio.

What was the contest?  Wellsy…. you all KNOW how very important it is to me to get the facts here absolutely, positively, beyond a shadow-of-a-doubt, 100% accurate. In last evening’s reporting, I mentioned the perils of Chuckles… the inconspicuous mouse. (Believe it or not… Chuckles is a shrew.  I knew that little fella was a not a true mouse.  After all… I tamed the Shrew.) So, how is this related to a contest, you ask?  I thought it would be fun to see which reader would be the very first to point out the fact that Mr. Happy Rodent was indeed, a Shrew.

So…the Grand Prize winner of this year’s “You-Have-Something-Green-In-Your-Teeth-Honesty Award”… is none other than my good friend…. the brave, the smart, and the truthful….. Barb Felton. Congratulations. You win. You rock. I shall now call you Abe.  Honestly.

♣ Intermission.  (Will someone grab me a box of Raisinets and some Dots, please?)

♥ Act Two: Love

Barbra Streisand sang it best.

People. People who need people….are the luckiest people in the world.

Tonight I went to a viewing. It reminds me just how important it is to love those special people in my life while we are still breathing the same air.

You see.  We sure do meet lots of  folks…. every day. (Heck, look at the Facebook Friends Column on most people’s page… 982 friends… really?) But back to the deal.

We meet a multitude of people. Sometimes we are lucky enough to fashion a friendship, or to be a part of a caring and devoted family. Hopefully, we can love them unconditionally. It doesn’t matter to us that they may not be perfect in every way. That’s the thing. None of us are.

Unfortunately, other times, we neglect to appreciate those exceptional people in our lives. We forget them or think we don’t need them… for whatever silly reason.

But people.. who need people…are the luckiest. By far.

So.  Here is to loving others. I think it is probably best to show that love while they are still with us.  (And for crying out loud…be a good friend. When they have something green in their teeth… tell ’em.)

♦ (JJC… thinking of you….)

Tonight…the “Tale of Chuckles the Mouse”…. a little dude who had the last laugh.  (The events of this story are true.  The names have not been changed because no one was innocent.)

Now, I know there are a lot of people who don’t care for mice. Some folks are horribly afraid of them.

It is curious, really.   I mean… I’ve never heard of “Death By Mouse” before.

I am much less concerned about mice than I used to be. In fact…. if I come clean about it here and now…. I’ve never really met a mouse that I didn’t like. I think they are kind of cute.  And funny.

Seems I am not alone in this. Mice have long been celebrated in stage and film. There was Mickey, and Mighty…. both of the same generation….. one with cute little button-up shorts and the other….. very beef-cake with a nice pair of tights.

There have been smart mice, like Jerry.  Tom was a bit of a schmuck though.   Undoubtedly.

Mice certainly took off in film with Fivel, the singing Kosher Mouse. Classic-of-all-classic mice (and rats) in The Secret of NIHM. Cutie Stuart Little. Then there was debonaire Millicent Bystander in Flushed Away. Chef-extraordinaire Remy in Ratatouille. Big-eared brave mouse as Despereaux.  Well….so many more, from Cinderella to Mouse Hunt and back again.

And who could ever forget….. the ever-so-talented Mr. Jingles in The Green Mile. (One of my very favorites!)

So you see, mostly, people are fascinated with mice. Entertained at the very least.

That was the case with me today.

Our three dogs discovered a little mouse outside. They gave chase. Speedy Ollie caught that mouse. Bossy Maxine stole the mouse. Happy Frances jumped up and down in support of the entire mouse-melee. As I started toward the commotion, all I could see were three dog butts, tails-a-wagging, huddled together like an NFL team in the playoffs. They sniffed and snorted and pawed at the grass, prancing and jostling. They were filled with raw enthusiasm, all three. So very much energy… being focused in one little spot.

That poor mouse. Minding his own business. Probably snacking on some Brie and warm bread… when his day is met with this fracas. But wait! What do I see? What is this? Could it be? Ever so carefully, and discreetly….. that little furry fellow was sneaking right out of that huddle….as quite as… a mouse. Yes… he must have caused some sort of distraction in the dog meeting. (Maybe he yelled “Squirrel!”)   And now, slowly…. and inconspicuously… that little guy crept away… lifting one tiny paw after another. Tiptoeing. I swear…… I think I could hear him whistling.

Those dogs stayed busier than a one-eyed cat watching two mouse holes. Rummaging. Searching. Cavorting.  Clever mouse. Oh… the mouse’s favorite game…. Hide and Squeak.   It seems he was the one who had the last laugh.

“We don’t laugh because we’re happy — we’re happy because we laugh.”  – W. James

This was one full day in my world. Isn’t it funny…. some days can be incredibly stimulating…while others are simply repetitive. Never boring.  No, not at all.  But some can surely be more “satiated”.

You know how it goes when they are somewhat mundane. Wake up. Time to make the donuts. Go to bed. Wake up. Time to make the donuts. Go to bed. Clockwork.

But other days… you actually get to the lick the batter bowl, and eat the sprinkles.  Punch the little holes in the centers of those donuts.   This was one of those days for Polly Wolly Doodle Head.

First, I tried oatmeal with my fried eggs. Truly, a new experience. Boy did that ever set the tone. We went to an art fair in Yellow Springs, Ohio with old friends. Let me tell you this. On any given day, you can meet some interesting folks in Yellow Springs. But when that town throws an art fair…. it is over the top with captivating folks.  Clever people… talented people.  People with guitars on their backs, and white beards down around their knees.

I met a dog who paints abstracts.  Mozart Dane is his name. Big artistic dog…. handsome… well groomed.  Mozart is great with a paint brush and canvas.  Not only that…. he still had both ears. But honest to goodness, he was a bit on the moody side. Typical artist.

Tonight we had dinner with newer friends. They are a couple of real thinkers. I like to hang out with people who have loads of great ideas, and stories, and insights. Yep. Thinkers. Not only that… they can cook like crazy! Which makes the dinner part of the evening…. WAY better than oatmeal with your fried eggs.

I learned about kaboodles of things tonight. I never knew there were sinister groundhogs in the world, with devious plots against humankind. I also found out ways to thwart their evil plans.

I got a little history background on prohibition, and the political power struggles surrounding that part of yesteryear. And who knew that there are worms in moonshine stills?

If you live out in the middle of the country…. and construct a meditation garden…and put sand down on the ground in the courtyard area…. cats will come.    Many cats.   But not to meditate.

There are a hundred other things we discussed this evening. So interesting, from start to finish. Yes, a couple more clever people… who seem to know Rachel Ray…. and Ben… and Jerry.  Yes. This was one full day in my world.

The story of “Horton Hears A Who” is one of my favorites. That Dr. Seuss guy had it going on, I’ll tell you. Putting that Hat on that Cat was genius. Styling. Bold and daring in the fashion sense. But back to the story of old Horton.

Here is this guy….. this big happy elephant, minding his own tail…..when he discovers a speck on the end of a flower. And much to his surprise, he realizes there is an entire world living on that minuscule speck. Now wouldn’t that make your socks fall down? (I am not sure if Horton wore socks or not.  As you very well know, most elephants prefer to go sockless.  It is because they have great toenails.)

But here we are. Little Specks.  (At least that is the way I feel.)   A little speck, on a little ball, in a universe of little balls, surrounded by infinity.  Well looky there….   My socks just fell down.

You see…..I have been thinking long and hard, once again, about my life purpose.  Truth be told, I think about it quite often. Every day. (But I only yammer on about it here, from time to time.)

It seems to me I should be doing loftier things. I don’t mean to speak with conceit or self-appreciation. I just think that I should be doing something to make the world a little better. Happier. Stronger. Somehow more veritable. But how?

There is an old phrase that goes “Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean.” (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe). For the most part, I try to do this one all the time  …. although there is always room for self-improvement.

Nonetheless… when the sweeping is done at my door, I feel like I should be out helping those street cleaners, in their little street-cleaning-contraptions. Try as I may, I just haven’t figured this one out. I keep attempting to map out my strategies for this…you know….line up some big intentions.  Not “American Idol” or “America’s Got Talent” Intentions.  Other objectives.  Street sweeping and such.    Yet, I keep coming up with nothing.  Nadda. Zilch. Zip.

So with that, I’ve decide to start small.  (Perhaps random acts of kindness.)  Hopefully, (and subsequently), things will begin to gain clarity.  Until then, I will just keep my ears open and listen to the flowers.   Could be…… I will meet another speck like me.