Oh we got trouble…. right here in River City.  That starts with T and it rhymes with P…. and that stands for…..

A lady ran her car up on the curb this morning…. stopped me…. and asked if I was responsible for watering my dogs on her house…. I won’t give out her exact address, but she lives somewhere on Lambol Street, between numbers 7 and 11…..

Watering my dogs?  What the heck is that?

She reported that dogs are quite nasty creatures, especially when they water themselves.  The effect of their “watering” habits have resulted with humans now, doing the same on her house.  It smells bad, she contended.  Yes…the hoodlums have taken over the area, watering themselves on her house quite frequently.

Oh.  I got it now.  She means peeing…..  I didn’t know it was so dang contagious.

I for one, have never witnessed anyone urinating in public, in downtown Charleston, besides the horses and the mules that pull the tourists around on carriages…..

Today, her hired man is cleaning it up, because it smells terribly.  It is costly to have her hired man clean up in times such as these. He could be doing other things, she lamented.

I investigated a bit, and found this large puddle on the street.  But… it rained like all get out last night…..  ( but let’s give her the benefit of the doubt…. let’s say there is a peeing epidemic on her house…. )

I think……maybe the lady should quit mowing people down with her car, and then they might not let their dogs pee on her house…. and they, themselves, would probably quit peeing on her house too.  All right…. I gotta’ go now.  Literally.  And it is a bit of a walk down to Lamboll Street.

One more thought…. an old ancient saying:

Confucius say:  Better to get pissed off…. than pissed on.

“Overboard.” What someone yells when some else falls from the deck of a ship into the icy waters below….OR….

Perhaps the person who owns this car.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am a HUGE Steelers fan.  I have been since I was very, very young.  Single digits, age wise…. probably since I was 7 years old or so…

But let’s have a look at this Cadillac, shall we?  It is….well….let’s just say it is quite enthusiastic.

Lots of people are overboard these days.  You see it mostly in the “competition” type TV shows.  Like “Dancing with the Stars” and “American Idol” and such.  It is the people who think they are wildly talented,  and then go in front of millions, only to sing “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” like we’ve never heard it before.  Overboard.  Maybe misguided.  Probably tone deaf.

How about the two cousins that showed up at Will and Kate’s Royal Nuptials… the girls with the Jetson Hats?  Possibly fanatical.  Or starving for attention.  But nonetheless…… Overboard.

I’m sure we’ve all done some things that were over the top, from time to time.  Maybe it is a good thing.  Things look different when you are swimming in the waters below…  Overboard.

There are a gazillion churches in this city.  Charleston, SC is nicknamed The Holy City for that reason.  (I’ll tell you, historically, it is not given that name for its high moral codes….pirates and prostitutes and such.)  But with all these churches, come lots and lots of old graveyards, and decrepit cemeteries.  There’s a difference between the two, you know.  A grave yard is a “yard” connected to the church.  A cemetery has no church.  So they tell me.

Either way…. most of these memorial areas are old.  Age is relevant, but OLD to me.  Some as early as the early 1700s.  So, pretty dang-nabbin’ ancient in my book.  This city was established 1670, so people were dying here way back then.  Hence, the early burial places…..

There are lots of neat old headstones. Some are decaying and ramshackled.  I could post at least 100 photos of stones I’ve shot down here.  But this one here…. they were either big mice… or cheese makers I think.  Their names were Ernie and Mabel Limburger, so I am going with cheese makers.  They were Swiss.   Definitely cheese makers in the Holy City.  “Here Lie Ernie and Mabel Limburger.  They died and it stinks.”  (It really says this….. Edam and weep.)

Warning:  This Entry Contains a High Level of TGF.  The Gross Factor.  Please do not read any further, if you can’t handle a candid discussion on the topic of bodily excretions and such.

Today my dog pooped right in front of Joe.  Not just any Joe.  Not Joe Dirt and NOT Joe Mamma….. no.

You see…..we were walking through Washington Park, and Frances, dropped the mother load right smack dab in front of the Honorable Mayor Joseph P. Riley Jr….

Imagine my dismay.  I mean.  I’m trying to fit in down here.  I am already shunned for my Sock Monkey Hat.  I eat WAY more than my quota of Hominy Grits.  And now this.

At first, I saw this little dapper dude, standing there, just looking well-turned-out and pleasant enough.  Then Frances sauntered right up to his little sear-suckered suit….. and made boom booms.  Not little ones, but colossal boom booms.  Right at the toes  of Mayor Riley’s high polished Penny Loafers.

Thankfully, I had plenty of plastic bags with me, as I always do when I walk with my canine friends. (I know if I pooped on the sidewalk, they would probably clean up after me if they could.  Soooooo…… I do the same for my dog friends.)

Anyhow, Mayor Riley is quite a fixture in Charleston, SC.  He has been the mayor of this amazing city for more than 25 years.  He is widely considered one of the most visionary and highly effective governmental leaders in America.  (More on our Mayor) It probably isn’t the first time the mayor has been crapped on.  But it WAS the first time my dog has pooped on or near an elected official…..especially one so acclaimed as he.

I just smiled and cleaned up the pile.  I thanked him for the little plastic baggies that the city provides at the parks for times such as these… and then I said it….. it just slipped out.  I said, “Yes.  A good show of our tax dollars at work, old man.”  He thought I was being a wise-acre.  But I was all in on this one.  The police were summoned and it ended up being a long afternoon.

And the worst of it….. Joe doesn’t like me or my dog.  So much for my Palmetto Tree tattoo…..

The sign on the door says do not enter.

Look at the place…. who in their right mind would go in?  Not only does it look structurally unsafe (as the sign suggests), it seems to be metaphysically unsound as well.  A bit on the creepy side.

The very creepy side.  The Ghost of Archdale Street lives there… or so I am told.  I don’t know much more about it than that….it is a bit of a mystery about that old haunted place….

“Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life. Don’t let them scare you unduly, for they keep boredom at bay and spark creativity.” – R.I. Fitzhenry

“Without mysteries, life would be very dull indeed. What would be left to strive for if everything were known?” – Charles de Lint

On any given day…..you just never know what kind of surprises, or occurrences that might take place.  It could be little things, or something great big.  Life.  Most days, we just hope it’s all good.

Today when I was making my pot of grits, I spilled the carton of milk all the heck over the place.  I did not cry.  It was a little thing.

Later, something a bit more extraordinary….. I was cleaning off the back porch and patio, with one of my favorite tools.  It is the powerful and almighty Stihl Leafblower….  I assure you, it is not just for leaves.  I use it for numerous tasks about the home and garden.

Anyway, there was a little lizard on one of our patio chairs, and I was pointing the prodigious and brawny blower in that general direction.  I thought little lizard boy would just run off.  But no.  He did not leap, he did not jump.  NO!  Instead…that little lizard flew.  Flew like the wind….. Like Superman.  Super Lizard I began to call him affectionately, albeit briefly.  It was quite remarkable how that Stihl Blower propelled that little fellow through the air with such force…. his little cape flapping in the breeze, and his mask in place on his teeny nose.

Now before the PETA people start knocking on my door, the diminutive reptile was fine.  He just did a Super Hero drop and roll upon impact with the cement…. Then, he hopped up, brushed off, adjusted his little cape and mask, and went on his lizard way.  Wonder Lizard.

Now what may have been a fleeting and passing moment in my day, was surely a more significant event in the life of Super Lizard.  Yes. It is all a part of life.  It just depends which part you are flying through.

I’m off to write the theme song for the  new Super Hero series.  Thanks for the memories…. Super L.

If you wake up first thing in the cock-a-doodley-doo morning….for the next few weeks or so, you’ll be treated to the sight of all the planets (except Saturn) arrayed along the ecliptic, the path of the sun through the sky.  That is 6 of the 8 planets.

Pluto is not included….no way.  No how.   It got kicked out.  Danged-est thing too.  Growing up, and learning about the planets all those years, the scientists always let Pluto play in the Reindeer Games…..even though it was very small and WAY the heck out there.    Not so much any more.  Yep.  Ol’ Pluto was banned a few years back. (I think it had to do with Disney buying Pixar.) But Pluto was my favorite.  And now what?

I don’t like Uranus…. for obvious reasons.

I guess my favorite now is Mercury.  Closest to the sun.  Probably the warmest, and hence, my choice.  It is always colored red on the charts and such.  I like red as a color… it used to be my favorite.  But now blue, green and orange are further up on my list.  Things change.  I’m fickle.  I think Earth is the only blue and green planet.  Not so sure about which ones might be orange.

But I digress…..  Election Year is just around the corner…..

“Astrologers have always been fascinated by planetary alignments, and the doomsayers of 2012 have been prophesying a mystical alignment on Dec. 21, 2012.”  (MSNBC)

“For the last two months, almost all the planets have been hiding behind the sun, but this week they all emerge and are arrayed in a grand line above the rising sun. Mercury, Venus, Mars, and Jupiter are visible, and you can add Uranus and Neptune to your count if you have binoculars or a small telescope.” (MSNBC & NBC Image)

A whole lot of people wished me Happy Cinco de Mayo Day today.  And I say to you, “Happy Cinco de Mayo Day” right back at ya’!”  I always forget what it really means.  I’m not Mexican.  But I looked it up and here’s the deal.  It isn’t Mexican Independence Day.  No. (That is September 16.)  CDM, as cool people call it…. celebrates the day that troops led by Ignacio Zaragoza halt a French invasion in the Battle of Puebla in Mexico.  Ignacio said “We shall call them Freedom Fries from this day forward.”  So have a taco, or a burrito, or a quesadilla, and enjoy the day.

Now WHAT I celebrate on this Fifth of May, every year….. are two separate events.  Of course I am gonna’ HAVE to tell you what they are.  I want you to have good reason to eat that chocolate cake tonight…..  Uno:  the first train robbery in the United States took place on this date in 1865…. and it happened right outside of Cincinnati, in North Bend, Ohio.   Big day for the Buckeye State, I’ll tell ya’!  AND THEN, Dos: In 1904, Cy Young, who played for the Boston Americans, threw the first perfect game in modern day baseball.  They were playing the Philadelphia Athletics, in Philly.  Cy said “We shall call it Boston Cheese Steak from here on out.”

Of course, it wasn’t long until they were plain ol’ Philly Cheese Steaks again, and French Fries went back to being French Fries for most of the 20th century.

So as you can see, today is really all about food.  The 5th of May.  “Happy All About Food Day.” From me to you.  Let them eat cake.

(You are probably reading this on the 6th… so here are……

.

.

…… few other snappy-do events of yesterday):

1809 – Mary Kies becomes the first woman awarded a U.S. patent, for a technique of weaving straw with silk and thread.

1877 – Indian Wars: Sitting Bull leads his band of Lakota into Canada to avoid harassment by the United States Army under Colonel Nelson Miles.

1891 – The Music Hall in New York City (later known as Carnegie Hall) has its grand opening and first public performance, with Tchaikovsky as the guest conductor.

On May 4, 1970, Ohio National Guardsmen opened fire on anti-war protesters at Kent State University, killing four students and wounding nine others.

If only there had been a button to push, or a valve to turn, that would’ve calmed things down that day.

Tin Soldiers and Nixon Coming…..   … Four Dead in Ohio.

.

.

As wise old Ben Franklin once said:  “There was never a good war, or a bad peace.”

It isn’t my flat tire…. and I am glad for that.  Something like that can be a real monkey wrench in the machine, I’ll tell you.  I’ve had a few in my day.  A few.

In the bigger scheme of things, they are mostly just an inconvenience, a pain the keister.  A fly in the ointment.

And what is that, pray tell.  A Fly in the Ointment?  It has Biblical Origins, actually.  Ointments, which are now mostly salves or creams, and such… were different in the long ago and far away.  They were, quite literally, used in anointing people….. as in religious ritual.  The phrase is first alluded to in Ecclesiastes 10:1…. which has:   “Dead flies cause the ointment of the apothecary to send forth a stinking savour: so doth a little folly him that is in reputation for wisdom and honour.”

Which really means… a small but irritating flaw that spoils the whole thing.  A drawback.  A snag.  A biggeldy-bee.

My next observation is this….

The “small but irritating flaw that spoils the whole thing” is relative.  Is that meaning pointed toward the person being anointed…. or is is referring to the fly?  It is all in the perspective.  I guess.

I’m guessing the fly doesn’t give a hooey about this tire though.  Why drive when you can fly?