Today is Meriwether Lewis’ Birthday. The Explorer.  Ford named a car for him.  No.  Not the Ford Meriwether. Although, I like it. The Ford Explorer. Four-wheel-drive Sport Utility Vehicle.  All terrain. Rugged. Ram Tough. Just like an explorer.

If Ford had made the Meriwether, I don’t really see it as being an SUV. No. The Meriwether sounds like a wimpier Ford. Like the Pinto. Or the Fiesta. Or the Percival. (Okay, Ford never had a Percival… but if they did…. well… I wouldn’t buy one, I’ll tell you that much right now.)

But back to Meriwether Lewis. Growing up, I thought the duo’s FIRST names were Louis and Clark.

……”Yo, Louie.” ……..  “Hey, how’s it hanging Clark?”  That’s how I imagined them rooting around in the untamed wilderness, with their little raccoon skin caps perched atop their heads. Forging their way over the river and through the woods. I didn’t have any idea then what their last names were.

Now I know. Good old Meriwether Lewis, and William Clark.

Yes. William and Mery. Don’t be fooled by popular belief either: The second oldest university in the United States in named for those two explorers. Founded 1693 in the Virginia region. The College of William and Mary. True story. First a school named for them, then an SUV.  They also got a candy bar.  And a gas station….. ……And a comedian… (that pair was Lewis and Martin).  Funny guys.

Meriwether Lewis was a jocular guy in his own right. A real prankster. He would find locust skins in the woods… on leaves and such. Then he would strategically place them around camp. On spoons. In the crapper. One time, he put a locust shell on Clark’s nose while he was sleeping.  That is how Lewis got shot in leg.  True Story.  Clark felt terrible about the whole debacle.  Absolutely terrible.

Lewis and Clark had about 35 or so enlisted men with them for the journey.  Most of them were… of all things… Polish Beer Drinkers.  Seriously.  Boy…..They sure would have fun around the campfires at night.  Oh, the jokes.

So today is his birthday.    I love historical birthdays… because I love history.  So much fun to recount all the little details….and so accurately.

I think the next time I write about history… it will be the story of free beer in Poland.  Or something along those lines.

Yes, I love to explore… and even joke around from time to time… just like ol’ Louie.

This is one of the fasteners that holds the bridge together, just down the road from where I live.  It appears to me that this particular grouping of nuts and bolts has seen better days.

I am not sure which is actually doing the holding together. The interlocking threads of the two… or the rust that has formed over the last 300 years, or so.

Now I know I’ve mentioned that I drive over this bridge. It makes me shiver in my socks, I’ll tell you. I always wait until the car in front of me gets all the way across. I postulate that the less weight at any given time, the better for the longevity of the bridge.  Especially while I am on it.

The big reveal here, is this. I spend a heck of a lot of time worrying. Yep. I worry about everything under the sun… and above the sun too.

It started as a child. Chicken Little had nothing on me. I was always scurrying around… just certain the sky was going to drop out of the sky. Honest to goodness. It seemed that anything I heard on the news… or read about in school… was certain to happen to me or someone I knew. Of course, most of the time, things were a-ok…. okey dokey smokey.

But this has stuck with me… well into adulthood. I am smart enough to know that worrying has never made any situation better.  But then the anxiety creeps in… my evil-twin-Chicken-Little takes over the reasoning part of my brain… and the next thing you know….  I’m pacing the floor about something.

Things that keep me up at night:

What was the best thing before there was sliced bread?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

What is the speed of dark?

Can I buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?

What about Roman paramedics…. do they refer to IV’s as “4’s”?

How come psychics don’t win the lottery… all the time?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?  I think it should be Number One by now.  Seems unfair.

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?  Without the shell, does he get cold?

Are vegetarians allowed to eat animal crackers?

People are always putting their “Two Cents” in…………… but they only get a “Penny” for their thoughts. Where is all that extra change going?

Arthur Somers Roche once said, “Worry is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.”

This worries the crap out of me.  I’ve got an awful lot of trickling going on upstairs.    Which may explain a lot…..

I’ll probably always be a worrier.  Stuck that way.  No hope for transformation.

If you happen to put your two cents in on this one… just know that I can’t make any change.

You just never know what you will see around the next corner. And looky what I found. A big old shout out to Chad. Now I am not so sure about this… at all.  The entire graffiti thing is highly confusing to me.

What the heck does this mean?  Honestly?  Is someone simply saying “Hi” to someone else named Chad?  If that is the case, it seems to me that merely walking right up to Chad, and saying….. “Hi” would have been a lot less trouble. And a lot more legal. I am thinking that phones would work in this situation too.  Heck… we are right in the middle of some kind of a digital age.  A text message or an email even would have accomplished the task.  Hi Chad.

But maybe it is more.   It could be that this individual is extremely interested in the Republic of Chad…… that desperately poor, and landlocked country in Central Africa. In spite of all that…they have a VERY cool flag.  There is the possibility that this person is giving some sort of a tribute or recognition of THAT particular Chad.

Conceivably, it is a political graffiti announcement. Yes, it may very well be that this person still hasn’t gotten over the Bush vs. Gore debacle of 2000, and wishes to acknowledge that pesky hanging chad.  Gone, but not forgotten. That whole Chad-Fiasco really does deserve a good spray painting.

The graffiti could be some cryptic message, or an acronym. Cats Hate All Dogs. Or…. Craving Hollandaise and Donuts….. Criminals Have Attention Deficit.  (Join in.  It is fun.)

The whole graffiti thing is mysterious.  Just down the wall, there were all sorts of instructions about “making a meal of kitty cats and people named Richard.” Why would anyone want to consume cats and Richards? I don’t understand this at all.

There were a lot of references to Richards, now that I think of it.

I have also surmised that these graffiti people are poor spellers. They were wishing people a LOT of luck. Not only poor spelling, but terrible grammar.  Luck You! Luck Off.  (And a bunch of dumb-bed-makers…. Tucking Idiots.)

I certainly could not comprehend the bulk of all this.  Perhaps a bit of a crude ritual, in my small opinion.  (Oh… when you care enough to send the very best…. drop by the hardware store.)

I think there are a myriad of other ways…to express yourself… or to get your message across.  Maybe they should try blogs.  I hear those things are great.  But I’ve also heard….it is the dickens getting the spray paint off your monitor screen every night….

Tonight, we bring to you a Special Presentation of 368. Like a good Opera, or Play, tonight’s version will have an Act One and an Act Two. Maybe even an Intermission. So, without further ado, please join us for 368.

♠ Act One: The Competition.

The calls came in.  On the left:  Mouse Imposter.  On the right:  True Mouse.

Well, you may not have known it..… but all of you were participants in 368’s very first Competition.   And the winner is…. Ms. B. Felton, of Ohio.

What was the contest?  Wellsy…. you all KNOW how very important it is to me to get the facts here absolutely, positively, beyond a shadow-of-a-doubt, 100% accurate. In last evening’s reporting, I mentioned the perils of Chuckles… the inconspicuous mouse. (Believe it or not… Chuckles is a shrew.  I knew that little fella was a not a true mouse.  After all… I tamed the Shrew.) So, how is this related to a contest, you ask?  I thought it would be fun to see which reader would be the very first to point out the fact that Mr. Happy Rodent was indeed, a Shrew.

So…the Grand Prize winner of this year’s “You-Have-Something-Green-In-Your-Teeth-Honesty Award”… is none other than my good friend…. the brave, the smart, and the truthful….. Barb Felton. Congratulations. You win. You rock. I shall now call you Abe.  Honestly.

♣ Intermission.  (Will someone grab me a box of Raisinets and some Dots, please?)

♥ Act Two: Love

Barbra Streisand sang it best.

People. People who need people….are the luckiest people in the world.

Tonight I went to a viewing. It reminds me just how important it is to love those special people in my life while we are still breathing the same air.

You see.  We sure do meet lots of  folks…. every day. (Heck, look at the Facebook Friends Column on most people’s page… 982 friends… really?) But back to the deal.

We meet a multitude of people. Sometimes we are lucky enough to fashion a friendship, or to be a part of a caring and devoted family. Hopefully, we can love them unconditionally. It doesn’t matter to us that they may not be perfect in every way. That’s the thing. None of us are.

Unfortunately, other times, we neglect to appreciate those exceptional people in our lives. We forget them or think we don’t need them… for whatever silly reason.

But people.. who need people…are the luckiest. By far.

So.  Here is to loving others. I think it is probably best to show that love while they are still with us.  (And for crying out loud…be a good friend. When they have something green in their teeth… tell ’em.)

♦ (JJC… thinking of you….)

Tonight…the “Tale of Chuckles the Mouse”…. a little dude who had the last laugh.  (The events of this story are true.  The names have not been changed because no one was innocent.)

Now, I know there are a lot of people who don’t care for mice. Some folks are horribly afraid of them.

It is curious, really.   I mean… I’ve never heard of “Death By Mouse” before.

I am much less concerned about mice than I used to be. In fact…. if I come clean about it here and now…. I’ve never really met a mouse that I didn’t like. I think they are kind of cute.  And funny.

Seems I am not alone in this. Mice have long been celebrated in stage and film. There was Mickey, and Mighty…. both of the same generation….. one with cute little button-up shorts and the other….. very beef-cake with a nice pair of tights.

There have been smart mice, like Jerry.  Tom was a bit of a schmuck though.   Undoubtedly.

Mice certainly took off in film with Fivel, the singing Kosher Mouse. Classic-of-all-classic mice (and rats) in The Secret of NIHM. Cutie Stuart Little. Then there was debonaire Millicent Bystander in Flushed Away. Chef-extraordinaire Remy in Ratatouille. Big-eared brave mouse as Despereaux.  Well….so many more, from Cinderella to Mouse Hunt and back again.

And who could ever forget….. the ever-so-talented Mr. Jingles in The Green Mile. (One of my very favorites!)

So you see, mostly, people are fascinated with mice. Entertained at the very least.

That was the case with me today.

Our three dogs discovered a little mouse outside. They gave chase. Speedy Ollie caught that mouse. Bossy Maxine stole the mouse. Happy Frances jumped up and down in support of the entire mouse-melee. As I started toward the commotion, all I could see were three dog butts, tails-a-wagging, huddled together like an NFL team in the playoffs. They sniffed and snorted and pawed at the grass, prancing and jostling. They were filled with raw enthusiasm, all three. So very much energy… being focused in one little spot.

That poor mouse. Minding his own business. Probably snacking on some Brie and warm bread… when his day is met with this fracas. But wait! What do I see? What is this? Could it be? Ever so carefully, and discreetly….. that little furry fellow was sneaking right out of that huddle….as quite as… a mouse. Yes… he must have caused some sort of distraction in the dog meeting. (Maybe he yelled “Squirrel!”)   And now, slowly…. and inconspicuously… that little guy crept away… lifting one tiny paw after another. Tiptoeing. I swear…… I think I could hear him whistling.

Those dogs stayed busier than a one-eyed cat watching two mouse holes. Rummaging. Searching. Cavorting.  Clever mouse. Oh… the mouse’s favorite game…. Hide and Squeak.   It seems he was the one who had the last laugh.

“We don’t laugh because we’re happy — we’re happy because we laugh.”  – W. James

This was one full day in my world. Isn’t it funny…. some days can be incredibly stimulating…while others are simply repetitive. Never boring.  No, not at all.  But some can surely be more “satiated”.

You know how it goes when they are somewhat mundane. Wake up. Time to make the donuts. Go to bed. Wake up. Time to make the donuts. Go to bed. Clockwork.

But other days… you actually get to the lick the batter bowl, and eat the sprinkles.  Punch the little holes in the centers of those donuts.   This was one of those days for Polly Wolly Doodle Head.

First, I tried oatmeal with my fried eggs. Truly, a new experience. Boy did that ever set the tone. We went to an art fair in Yellow Springs, Ohio with old friends. Let me tell you this. On any given day, you can meet some interesting folks in Yellow Springs. But when that town throws an art fair…. it is over the top with captivating folks.  Clever people… talented people.  People with guitars on their backs, and white beards down around their knees.

I met a dog who paints abstracts.  Mozart Dane is his name. Big artistic dog…. handsome… well groomed.  Mozart is great with a paint brush and canvas.  Not only that…. he still had both ears. But honest to goodness, he was a bit on the moody side. Typical artist.

Tonight we had dinner with newer friends. They are a couple of real thinkers. I like to hang out with people who have loads of great ideas, and stories, and insights. Yep. Thinkers. Not only that… they can cook like crazy! Which makes the dinner part of the evening…. WAY better than oatmeal with your fried eggs.

I learned about kaboodles of things tonight. I never knew there were sinister groundhogs in the world, with devious plots against humankind. I also found out ways to thwart their evil plans.

I got a little history background on prohibition, and the political power struggles surrounding that part of yesteryear. And who knew that there are worms in moonshine stills?

If you live out in the middle of the country…. and construct a meditation garden…and put sand down on the ground in the courtyard area…. cats will come.    Many cats.   But not to meditate.

There are a hundred other things we discussed this evening. So interesting, from start to finish. Yes, a couple more clever people… who seem to know Rachel Ray…. and Ben… and Jerry.  Yes. This was one full day in my world.

The story of “Horton Hears A Who” is one of my favorites. That Dr. Seuss guy had it going on, I’ll tell you. Putting that Hat on that Cat was genius. Styling. Bold and daring in the fashion sense. But back to the story of old Horton.

Here is this guy….. this big happy elephant, minding his own tail…..when he discovers a speck on the end of a flower. And much to his surprise, he realizes there is an entire world living on that minuscule speck. Now wouldn’t that make your socks fall down? (I am not sure if Horton wore socks or not.  As you very well know, most elephants prefer to go sockless.  It is because they have great toenails.)

But here we are. Little Specks.  (At least that is the way I feel.)   A little speck, on a little ball, in a universe of little balls, surrounded by infinity.  Well looky there….   My socks just fell down.

You see…..I have been thinking long and hard, once again, about my life purpose.  Truth be told, I think about it quite often. Every day. (But I only yammer on about it here, from time to time.)

It seems to me I should be doing loftier things. I don’t mean to speak with conceit or self-appreciation. I just think that I should be doing something to make the world a little better. Happier. Stronger. Somehow more veritable. But how?

There is an old phrase that goes “Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean.” (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe). For the most part, I try to do this one all the time  …. although there is always room for self-improvement.

Nonetheless… when the sweeping is done at my door, I feel like I should be out helping those street cleaners, in their little street-cleaning-contraptions. Try as I may, I just haven’t figured this one out. I keep attempting to map out my strategies for this…you know….line up some big intentions.  Not “American Idol” or “America’s Got Talent” Intentions.  Other objectives.  Street sweeping and such.    Yet, I keep coming up with nothing.  Nadda. Zilch. Zip.

So with that, I’ve decide to start small.  (Perhaps random acts of kindness.)  Hopefully, (and subsequently), things will begin to gain clarity.  Until then, I will just keep my ears open and listen to the flowers.   Could be…… I will meet another speck like me.

I like to give people things.  I do.  But every now and again… it is fun to receive a present too.  Recently, someone very dear to me presented this tremendous gift…. right out of the clear blue.  I was elated.  Don’t you know…. I think quite highly of Albert Einstein.  I believe he is one of the greatest people we’ve ever had romping around on this little planet of ours.   And now….. yes, now….. I have this handsome effigy of good ol’ Mr. E=mc2

Why do I like Al so much? Quite simply:  He rocked.  He had things figured out. Smart guy.  But he managed NOT to be condescending.   If I could have sat and chatted with him… interviewed him… for this Project 368 perhaps… I may have asked….

PK:  Mr Einstein.  You seem to meet  others and life, on an uncomplicated basis. You never patronize, or demean others.  How do you keep things so clear and straightforward?

AE:  Please, call me Albert, or Al.  Or Bertie-Boy.  So to your question….  “If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough.”

PK: Yeah. Easy for you to say Al… but here’s a test of THAT!  If it is really just that easy, then… explain your Theory of Relativity in a simple way….

AE:  “When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it seems like two minutes. When you sit on a hot stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours. That’s relativity.”

PK:  That’s pretty simple Albert.

AE:  “Everything should be as simple as it is, but not simpler.”

PK:  Good advice sir. Things seem to be getting more complicated though these days.  There’s Twitter, and Facebook, and Cellphones, Facetime, digital-everything,  downloads.. bandwidth…

AE:  “It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.”

PK:  Yes sir.  So… What about this?   Some other things in our world seem to be in the crapper these days as well. Political parties run amok. Economic downturns…. Any thoughts?

AE:  “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.”

PK:  But what about those people that have quit questioning?  They seem to just swallow things whole… like… well… like those goofy Talk Radio Shows.

AE:  “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”

PK:  Do you think those kinds of people are harmful to our civilization?  Or should we just turn a blind eye to those extremists? 

AE:  “The world is not dangerous because of those who do harm, but because of those who look away without doing anything.”

PK:  But Al.  Then what do we do?   It seems  those folks always want to argue about things…. or reject people who don’t believe in the same things that they do… or act the same way as they do.  Sometimes… I say… “To the Moon Alice. To the Moon!”

AE:  Oh Polly, Polly, Polly.  You know as well as I do, that Ralph Kramden had it all wrong.…….“Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.”

PK:  Before you go Al…. If you had one thing you could ask us to remember, what would it be?

AE:  “There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.”

PK:  Any regrets Mr. Einstein?

AE:  “If I had my life to live over again, I’d be a plumber.”

(All quotes in BOLD are actual Albert Einstein quotes.  He was some kind of rocket scientist……I’ll tell you…. yes, a rocket scientist….)

It is not often that I am at a loss… when it comes to matters of talking here.

But tonight I am feeling a little serious and a little sad. You see….. A good friend of mine is having a very bad time of it today. Her father was in a serious car accident this morning. Tonight he is on life support, and things are a bit touch and go at the moment. I can only send my message of concern and support. The rest seems pretty helpless from this chair.

Most nights, when I write this piece…. I put the rest of the world aside. I try to focus on things that might make someone out there “feel good” or “think twice” or even “go to the fridge and get a chocolate pudding.” But tonight, it seems a little difficult to use the subliminal chocolate pudding messaging here and now.

I know what my friend would want me to do. She would want me to prattle away on this deal… like I always do.   And with that… I’ll talk about something.

Come to think of it….I did have a bit of an encounter this evening.   I went out to shoot as I always do…. albeit in a somewhat somber and serious mood.   I walked around contemplating  the inherent qualities of the world around us.  I revisited the fact that there really are no guarantees, or that anything is undeniably and absolutely for certain.

At any rate….I had turned my camera to Autofocus, because I was also feeling somewhat lackadaisical.  As I approached the bend in the path….. honest to goodness….WHO did I see but Holy-Smokin’ Big Foot. That brutish creature lurched out from behind a tree. Yes… Mr. Sasquatch. All 7’8″ of that furry beast.

What a day this turned out to be!   Despite being startled…. I spun around, pointed my camera in his direction and KA-SNAP!

Ha! The Gazillion Dollar Photo of BigFoot on my little memory stick.   Apparently,  I scared him as much as he scared me.  Bigfoot ran for the hills. That was okey-dokey-dominokey with Polly K.  I had snagged the shot after all….

Imagine my surprise when I reviewed my images. Apparently, just as I aimed at that Beast of Beasts… THIS THING flew right in front of my lens.  And what the crap is it anyhow?

As it turns out… no fame and notoriety for me.  Instead, all I have for you is this unknown insect. Yes, I tried to shoot Sasquatch, and came back with an Unidentified Flying Object.

I wonder if there is a market for UFO shots?

(And speaking of which…. to my good pal…. I hope you are doing as well as possible… and just like UFOs…. when it comes to friends, YOU,  are out of this world!  I mean that in a good way… )

Most people would have walked right in. But you have NO idea just how long I stood at this particular door and contemplated. That’s right…. deliberated. This conundrum created a great deal of turbulence in my brain. You see, I was:

A.) not only at a loss as to what I should do; but also….

B.) brooding over the intentions behind such a predicament such as this.

To the first part of this…. my confusion is clearly spelled out here. Do I push or do I pull? Not since I saw the “Pushmi-Pullyu“ in the original Dr. Doolittle movie (with Rex Harrison) have I had such anxiety.

But regarding the second half of this… I began to wonder just who may have been behind such an atrocity as this. Was it merely a mishap? An accident? Some 15-year-old clerk not paying attention to what the boss told him to do with the “Pull” sign?

Or was this the work of some Villain at large? Perhaps Dr. Contrary was at work again…. committing deeds of Conflict and Divergence all over our good city. A cruel game of “Red Light Green Light”? Were we on the brink of Cats and Dogs living together?  Absolute turmoil…. for crying out loud!

Or could it be some greater message from the Universe? We’ve seen this sort of thing happen all the time throughout history. This is what great discoveries may be made of. I mean, at some point, Galileo had to figure out that Copernicus was really on to something. Everyone (even the heads of Church & State) said he was wrong about the Sun being in the middle of our little rotation here….. but alas.   So could it be some kind of cue from the Cosmos? About….. well…… about something??

I’m sorry to say, this line of thought went on for hours. And all I really wanted to do was buy a pair of sweat socks.  Darn it.

Just another day in the mind of a Polly.