It is a bit of a sad day, if you ask me. On Friday night, we lost Andy Rooney. He was 92.  Sure, I know. When an elderly person dies… a lot of people say… “Oh…..he was 92 when he died.  But he had a good long life.” Hmmm. I’ll ask them how they feel about that statement when they are 91 years,  364 days, an 23 hours old.

At any rate, I bet old Andy is having a great conversation right now…. probably with Erma Bombeck. I think they were the male and female versions of each other…. I loved them both…. and miss their humor, their spark, their cleverness.

Erma: Well Andy, how have you been. How do you feel about this dying business?

Andy. Over rated. Death is a distant rumor to the young.  How about you?

Erma: I used to say when I was alive: When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, “I used everything you gave me.”

Andy: And did you….?  What’d he say?

Erma:  Nice job Toots. That was it…..     So Andy…. did you read the rule book when you got up here? There are three chapters on minding your manners around here.

Andy:  Nothing in fine print is ever good news.

Erma:  Oh c’mon….. it is fun up here. People laugh all the time… just for the hell of it. Whoops. (Sorry Boss). Just for Heaven’s Sake, is what I meant.   And we all know… When humor goes, there goes civilization.

Andy: Yep. If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

Erma: There are lots of famous people in our section. I swear to God (whoops, sorry again Boss)… I… uh…. I think I saw Michael Jackson the other day. Did you know he was a Vegetarian?

Andy: Vegetarian – that’s an old Indian word meaning ‘lousy hunter’  …..Good thing he could sing and dance…. ‘cuz he looked like really lousy hunter.  He could have used a steak or two.

Erma: Yep… Well….. I love to eat.  I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.   But when I was alive….in just two decades I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. I should have been hanging from a charm bracelet.   But there is no dieting up here. That makes me happy as a clam.

Andy:   Happiness depends more on how life strikes you…. than on what happens.

Erma:  Ain’t it the truth old pal.  Ain’t it the truth!  Well Andy, I gotta’ run over to the gates and grab some feathers. Hey….  I know people didn’t always agree with you on Earth…. I mean….. you sure could toot your horn.  But you’ll find folks are much more compassionate up here.

Andy: On Earth I found that….  The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.  And, it seems that People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.   Did you learn any great lessons while you were there?

Erma: Lots.  But one for sure   ….It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.   How about you?

Andy: One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.

Erma Bombeck  February 21, 1927 – April 22, 1996

Andy Rooney  January 14, 1919 – November 4, 2011

This third ball in the solar system is filled from rim to brim….I am telling you… FILLED….. with interesting little snidbits. I am constantly delighted by the little interesting facts that float around.

I just read today that it is illegal to sell or own chewing gum in Singapore. As I looked into this… I found out it WAS true. The country banned it because Singaporians were sticking those chewed up gum fragments under tables and chairs. Lobbyists, U.S. Government officials, and Wrigley got into the “stew pot” around this “controversial” law. It was revised  in 2004 to allow chewing.  How WE got involved with that sticky situation…. I do not know.

I think this is almost as dumb as Kim Kardashian. I am not even sure who Kardashian is or why she is famous… or what she has accomplished or contributed to this planet…

But I sure am tired of hearing about her 9 hour marriage.  I think she should be banned in Singapore and the U.S.

Yet for all the dumb stuff… there are some really great crumbs in the cookie bag.

Like.. Mel Blanc… the voice of Bugs Bunny… it turns out he was allergic to carrots.

Now that is pretty funny. Doc.

Here is another thing for all you red-lipped ladies and drag queens. The average woman consumes 6 pounds of lipstick in her lifetime. Maybe….. But you look marvelous.

At this point, I can be very sure of one thing. I have not consumed even 1/1000 of an ounce of lipstick in my life. I bend the average way toward the null and void.  Kiss me….. and I won’t leave a trace.

However, when I was a kid… I used to sneak out to the garage and eat the rock salt which would be used on the driveway when there was ice and snow. I would mostly do this after I’d eaten a good helping of paste. For some reason, I liked the combo. I think this explains a lot about my current mental state…. Heaven only knows how we survived as kids.

Did you know 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321?

This planet is round… yet there are “four corners of the earth.” Go figure.

The name aardvark translates literally into earth pig. I could name a whole bunch of other earth pigs. But I won’t.

As it gets close to bedtime… I will close with a couple of other items I just learned. The bullfrog is the only animal that does not sleep. Ever. On the other hand, the hairy armadillo snoozes for 20.4 hours a day.

I am feeling like a VERY hairy armadillo. Could be too much paste and rock salt…..  or not enough lipstick.

This evening I saw Bonnie Raitt over at the Dock Street Theatre on Church Street. I wasn’t just walking by and happened to bump in to her…. … no. We actually saw her in concert.

I could talk about a lot of different things tonight, because it was one of those events that was jam-packed with notable occurrences. But first, the most obvious… Bonnie Raitt herself.

She is an American Music Icon. (I would classify her as a Blues / Rock Artist. This was up for discussion this evening, among other things.) At any rate, she is 62 years old and she looks fabulous. Her voice is amazing. Her stage presence still shines. After all these years… she manages to keep it “fresh” up there on stage.

That has to be hard after singing “Let’s Give ‘Em Something To Talk About” for the 17,938th time.

But she did it. Great. I heard one woman in the audience say it was “a dream come true.”

The whole evening was, indeed, a bit enchanting. We belong to this “Concert Series” at the Dock Street, as I mentioned. The Theatre in itself is something to behold. It was built in 1736 & opened with a performance of The Recruiting Officer. It was the first building in America constructed exclusively to be used for theatrical performances. Not only that, but….. Flora, the first opera performance in America, took place at this Historic Building. There a bucket loads of history on this place… just around the corner from us.

The bottom line… it is a small and cozy venue for concerts. I was probably 10 yards away from Ms. Raitt. Did I mention she is 62 and she looks great?! Totally. Albeit, her lead guitarist hadn’t weathered quite as well….

Included in your ticket price is a “Cocktail Party” prior to the concert.  A wide selection of Hors d’oeuvres and Cocktails. While I don’t drink alcohol, I was knocking back Diet Cokes like Forrest Gump & his Dr. Peppers at the White House.

However, the guy sitting next to us must have been doing the exact same thing …. but…. with Gin & Tonics.

You see, the previous musical performance (of this series) there was “Earth, Wind, & Fire”.   He kept telling us it was the best concert he had ever seen in his life.  In all his very days!   He went on & on about how phenomenal the performance was. Astonishing. Amazing. Brilliant. But the thing of it is…. he kept calling them “Kool & the Gang”….

Now I’m not sure if “Earth, Wind & Fire” would be offended, or complemented by the “Kool & the Gang” label. However, if you are going to say it is the BEST concert you’ve ever seen in your entire life… at the very LEAST… you should get the name of the band right.

There were lots of interesting happenings tonight… but the star of the evening…. HAD to be….

the “Fried Macaroni & Cheese Squares” served at the cocktail party. In between Diet Cokes…. I kept tackling the guys with the Mac & Cheese Trays… Holy Smokes they were good.

I thought the highlight of my evening would be “Love Letter” or “Have a Heart” or some other song by Ms. Raitt and her arsenal of well-crafted lyrics.

Instead, it was white pasty food that had been shaped into little squares and  deep fried. It was like a dream come true… I’ll tell you… a dream come true.

Now THAT is something to talk about….

“It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like “What about lunch?”” – Winnie the Pooh

You can always tell “those nights” when I have a lot on my mind.   Tonight is one of those nights….

Oh, I’ve tried to write.  I’ve sat here for way more than an hour trying different things….

I wrote about Warren G. Harding, She-Crab Soup,  Marie-Antoinette, Professional Football, and Mockingbirds.

Zero.  Nadda.  Zilch.

A summary for you, in order of appearance above:

Bad president, good stew, bad teeth & lost her head, rough sport, and noisy beaks.  See?  Null.

So, instead of pressing on, I leave you with this interesting Scientific News:

Biologists have recently produced immortal frogs by removing their vocal cords. They can’t croak.

And that my friends, may not be as fine as frog hair, but it is all I can do tonight…..

I am happy to say… that once again…. Coffee is GOOD for me. Yes, I heard on the news a couple of nights ago, that a few cups of regular old coffee a day is beneficial to my health. Glory be. A few months ago a report declared that java was worse than ingesting turpentine.  I kept on drinking it though.  I knew the next doctor, funded by Folgers (or whomever) would conduct a new study… and find out that coffee is THE “wonder elixir” once again.  Ta Da.

I haven’t heard anything about white bread and mayonnaise being beneficial, but I’m still holding out.  It is just a matter of time.

And there’s that crazy little phrase again.

“It is just a matter of time.”

Now there is a lot to be said for “it is just a matter of time.”

For instance.  I was out running this morning, and a young man walking his dog said to me….”Well, good for you ma’am!” I smiled and nodded and ran a few more steps … and………

WHAT THE HECK? What is this fella’ saying to me? Did I hear him RIGHT… like he was talking to some little old lady….”Good for you Ma’am?????”   Oh my.  I about had a massive coronary right there on the sidewalk.

And then it hit me. To him…….  ….. I AM some little old lady out running, in my Rocky-Wannabe-Sweats.

I then wept uncontrollably right there on the sidewalk.

Just when does that pendulum of time start swinging the other way? For a lot of our lives… we wish to be older. We long for it. We all but wish our lives away when we are young.

When we are six, and someone asks us our age… we make every second count…  We proudly exclaim, “Well. I am six and a half!” ……. And a HALF.

In our teen years, we could narrowly wait to do things like date, drive, and be old enough to drink. Old enough to finally get “out on our own.” And on, and on. Then some where along the line… it flips.

These days…. we say things like… “Oh. I’d LOVE to be 40 again.” Not 40 and a half. Just plain old 40.

So… tonight… with my “College-Athlete-Persona-MoJo” all crushed beyond recognition… I am resolute in drinking my coffee black the way I like, eating my mayonnaise on white bread the way I like it…

Enjoying every sight, smell, sound and touch of this amazing and wonderful life…. not wishing a single moment away.

And that is what MY latest study says.

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”- Maria Robinson

Yep.  Another pumpkin bites the dust….

What exactly does Trick-Or-Treat tells us about today’s youth?

You see…..this evening was Beggar’s Night here.

I won’t use a wide and sweeping brush as I write about my observations tonight. But here are some things which occurred on our little stoop on our little street.

Kids show up early and stay late for Beggar’s Night. They also plead with their parent to attend this event, even if they are not feeling well. It is my contention that this behavior does not “cross over” when it comes to school attendance.

Kids here don’t follow the Honor Code. I had a few ‘work items’ to do here tonight… so we put out a basket of candy with a sign that read,

“Please take ONE… or two…. Only.  Please.”

I even drew a witch on the sign for effect. Turns out, this system isn’t as effective as I had hoped.  Even with the parent accompanying the child. Which leads to the next postulation….

Perhaps kids DO and CAN follow the Honor Code. They just can’t count. Which may explain why the U.S. ranked 25th in the world in math, and science…. out of 34 countries tested (Bloomberg News, Jan. 2011).

Oh… lighten up Kronenberger. It’s Halloween…… for Jack-O-Lantern’s Sake.

Alright, just one more for the record, and then I’ll quit. On our end of the neighborhood, kids imaginations are completely depleted. We had more kids dressed up as regular kids this year than anything else. About 80% of the little beggars I saw tonight were in street clothes. Not even a charcoal beard and untucked shirt. There were a few in costumes…  a few.  No Sock Monkeys.

Don’t ya’ know.. all of this made me a little sad.  When we were little, Halloween was a huge and special ‘Occasion’…  We looked forward to it, talked about what “we were going to be” on Beggar’s Night…. there was a huge ritual about dressing up.  We couldn’t afford store-bought costumes…. so we made our own.

AND THEN… the candy garnering practice…  please and thank-you… no costume, no candy…. and on….

Or maybe I have it all wrong.

What Trick-Or-Treat might be saying about our youth… is that kids absolutely love candy and will go to any lengths to get it.  Period.

I know some adults like that too…..

Chocolate.   Sort of like Heroin…. only legal.

Happy Great PumpkinFest Everyone!

Here it is already. That time of year…. when people dress up like ghosts, and witches, and pirates, and… Herman Cain.

The Bewitching Hour. The time when the veil is thinnest between our living world and the existence that is beyond explanation.

It is WAY bigger than BOO. An understatement if I’ve ever heard one.

You see…. now, more than ever…. people believe in Ghosts.

There are Paranormal Societies, Ghost Clubs, loads of Books and Movies. And don’t forget the slew of TV shows that appear weekly…. Ghost Hunters, Ghost Adventures, Most Haunted, Ghosts Caught on Tape, Haunted History, Ghostly Encounters… and on and on and on. Either people are believing more frequently, or they are “coming out of the closet” about it.

I just read an article which stated 40% of people in the United States believe in Ghosts. And, of those 40 percent… more than half have reported experiencing an encounter with a ghost. Some claim to have seen them, others have felt their presence.

Now that particular number works out to 60 million Americans who believe they have had a paranormal experience.

Like I said…. this is WAY bigger than BOO.  It adds up to an awful lot of transparency walking around.

Supposedly, I reside in the 2nd most haunted city in the U.S…..   Savannah, Georgia is first.

I, for one, believe in the “Other Worldly”…. yet I live with a total skeptic.

WE also live with a Ghost… so it all evens out.

So, on this Hallowed Eve…. just remember… don’t be afraid of that which you can’t explain.
Whether it concerns ghosts… or other matters in the living world. Not a one of us can know everything. There is much which can be said about that fact.

And one more thing… on Halloween… eat lots of candy and remember the “Teddy Bear’s Picnic Song”….

“If you go out in the woods today
You’re sure of a big surprise.
If you go out in the woods today
You’d better go in disguise.”

“If you go out in the woods today,
You’d better not go alone.
It’s lovely out in the woods today,
But safer to stay at home.”

Way, way, way bigger than BOO….  I mean… if the “Teddy Bear Picnic Song” is even singing about it….

There are so many incredible places around here.  Within a one mile radius, there is an astounding amount of history.

A quick “for instance”…. and a couple of stops along our journey this evening…..

On Tradd Street alone, you can walk near the east end of the avenue, and see how the world might have looked 250 years ago.  Most of those houses were constructed before 1770. Along that little stretch….. it is draftier inside, than out.

Right around the corner is one of the oldest Taverns in the city, which was built in 1732, by Elisha Poinsett.  The guy’s grandson grew up to become an Ambassador to Mexico.  He brought back a beautiful red-leafed plant to Charleston, and named it the Poinsettia.  How about them petals?

Walk down the street a little ways, and you can stand in the spot where 21 pirates were hanged in one day.  Argghhhhhh Matey.

And in the photo above…. this place is down Elliot Street.

It used to be an Origami Shoppe.  But…. it folded.

I have no interest in either the Texan Rangers, or the St. Louis Cardinals. I don’t care about either team for 50 weeks of the entire year. But dawg-gone-it. When events like the World Series come around, I always pick my corner.

I am rooting for the Rangers. Texas, as a state, has had a hard year. And the Rangers have never won a World Series….

Goofy, I know, but that is how I picked ’em. They are the Underdogs. And I almost always cheer on the Underdogs.

I am not sure where that term originated. I have never met…or even heard of an Overdog. But apparently they are out there.

Maybe.

Or maybe they are “outer” dogs. For instance, we put on underwear, and outerwear (not over wear).  But I guess it could be…. there simply is no counter-word for Underdog.

Like undermine. The opposite of “undermine” is probably “bolster” or “strengthen”…..

Yet we see other examples everywhere

…. underexpose…. overexpose.

Under-nourished. Over-nourished.
Under-compensate. Over-compensate.
Under-priced. Over-priced.

There are a caboodle of them, I’ll tell you.

But I am getting way off track. Back to the topic at hand. Which was….ummmmmm…. Baseball.

I wonder why the heck they call it baseball? Why not bat ball, or plate ball? Why is basketball called basketball…. since we are on the subject? Why not dribble ball, or net ball?  And football…. now that is just plain wrong in every way…. and how about…..

Hey.  The Cardinals just won the Word Series.  I was rooting for them… did I mention that?

Of all things… today is my Mom’s birthday.  Yes…. as I write this… it is her birthday.  October the 27th.  I am very happy and grateful for the day she was born.  For many reasons.  The first and most obvious… without her… there is no me.  Well, that’s pretty dang huge (for me, at least).

Yes, she came into this world some 90 years ago.

Back when Mom was born, the world was a different place, I’ll tell you.  Buster Keaton was one of the biggest stars at the box office.  TIME magazine was founded in her birth year. New York stadium opened to a sell-out crowd of 60,000 people.   The Yanks won the series that year too.

Not many homes had electricity in the U.S.  But by the end of the decade… 99 percent would be wired for such.

Sanka Coffee is introduced in the U.S.  Better than that… the Milky Way candy bar also comes on the scene…. and…. Reese Peanut Butter Cups.  Darn good year for candy.

Moses… I mean Charlton Heston, was born 23 days earlier.

You could get 3 heads of lettuce for a quarter; a pound of bacon for 47 cents;  and a pound of bread for a dime.  We are just a tomato shy of a BLT.

Her Dad owned a grocery.  When she was little, she ate ketchup on saltine crackers for a snack.  I think it had something to do with the Depression, and what Grandpa could bring home from the store.  But it wore off on me….  I can eat a ton of crackers and Heinz ketchup, I’ll tell you.

Yep.  She grew up during the Depression, and married my Dad just after World War II.  She kissed him first.  She is full of spunk to this very day.

Mom always has a smile, welcomes folks with open arms and will feed you like crazy.  If you visit her home, she treats you like one of the family.  She overcame a lot  in her life.  Gave birth to seven children.  That is A LOT to overcome in anyone’s life, I’ll tell you.

She accepted us for who we were, and encouraged us to grow into that authentic person.  She did not pass judgement, or try to change us.  She loved us unconditionally.  She still does.  All this, while making the best dang Potato Soup on the planet.  Not to mention her Camp Stew.

Bless my Mom….  my wonderful Mom.  I owe her so much… for wiping tears… and snotty noses.  For bandaging skinned knees and broken hearts.  For sewing our clothes, and then washing them clean.

For going out in the backyard and playing catch with me after school.

For believing in me… and loving me.  For helping me to become exactly who I am.  Happy Birthday Mom.  I am one lucky kid to have you for my Mom.

“For a tree to become tall it must grow tough roots among the rocks.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche