Today, I stopped by J.C. Penny’s to buy some bath towels. I rarely shop at Penny’s. But, for some reason, I opted to pull in to their lot… instead of Target or Dillard’s or a few others.

While paying for my merchandise, one of the cashiers dropped the magic barcode reader. She let out a huge sigh, and pronounced… “Ohhhh. It has been ONE of those days.” I just smiled and (jokingly) said… “I think it has something to do with how the planets are aligning right now.”

The other cashier looked at me with grave sincerity. She then cocked her head slightly and asked… “Do you believe in Aliens too? Because I do. Have you ever listened to AM with Jasper on 94? All sorts of people call in like us. They talk about lots of great stuff….”

Now…. there is no telling what my facial expression might have been at that moment.  I felt the side of my face all scrunching up though.  The dreaded Brain-Stumble was sneaking up on me.  After an awkward silence …. the other cashier abruptly said….”Annnnnnd did you find everything you were looking for Ma’am?”

Now… this is the third time in just over a week someone has asked me directly about my Alien Knowledge.

At the Harris Teeter (one of our Supermarkets in Charleston), I was at the magazine and newspaper rack, looking for a Geek Magazine. Something Apple-ish. There was a young, nicely dressed and well-quaffed man, standing there. He had in hand, one of those Tabloid Rags. Liz Taylor and Michael Jackson spotted at diner near Elvis’ Mansion. You know the ones.

He looked up from his reading, and said to me… “There’s an article this week about Area 51. Do you keep up with what’s happening at Roswell?” As it would be, I experienced Brain-Stumble….. and couldn’t really form complex sentences.  Then my face scrunched up…. AGAIN. “Ahhhh. I’ve sorta’ lost track these days.”  That’s all I could muster.

The third instance was in the Post Office. A guy in line was really going on and on…. loudly… about all sorts of things. I think he might have been having some other issues.

At any rate… he stopped his rant… looked directly at me.. and asked… “Have you seen the Aliens in here? Did you see them pass by you at the door? They walked right by you.  Can you tell what they put in here? What is the ONE thing that doesn’t belong in here? Do you know…..?” (Again, Brain-Stumble hits.  No words are forming in MY mouth….)

“That RIGHT!” He said. “Ha! The Clock!”

Whew-weeeeeee. Three Alien Encounters in one week. This indicates to me, one of three things.

1. There is something in the water down here…..
2. I look like the “Alien-Believer-Club” Type.
3. We are in for a crap-load of trouble from some Aliens in a nearby galaxy.

I am leaning toward number two… just because I hope #1 and #3 are false. But who is to say….

Maybe there is something in the water down here. And… maybe the Aliens put it there.

In a recent study conducted by the University of Connecticut….  61 percent of those surveyed believe extraterrestrial life exists on other planets.

“How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?”  — Jay Leno

Sometimes.  When I look around me, I am completely amazed.  To gaze out and find this sky and sea… looking back at me.

The life we are in is full of wonder.

This is an amazing place, this world of ours.  This existence.  The concept that you and I know each other…. out of all the other people on this planet.  How incredibly excellent and considerable is that?

Yes, the fact that we are lucky enough to have met, and become friends.  And no matter where you are right now…. on any part of this planet…. we are connected.  Our feet are touching the same ground,  and we can look to the sky, and see the very same sun, and moon, and stars.

Whether it is by design, or by chance, I can never say for sure.

But it is a profound and brilliant thing… this heart that beats, and brain that thinks, and soul that feels….  to know you, and to share this time, with you… my friend.

Yes.  I am so glad to be right here, right now…. in the very midst of all this connectedness.   While it is far from perfect…. it holds so much for us to learn, to feel, and to experience.

And like it or not….that molecule of air you just drew in, may have been one that I sneezed out a couple of weeks ago.  I’m just sayin’.

But that’s what friends are for.

“No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever.”  – Francois Mocuriac

This is an interesting day in history, really.   Copernicus was born.  Edison patented the phonograph.   A whole wagon load of “this and that’s”.  Yes…. as I write, it is February 19th.   But one of the little known but highly important stories is this.   On this day in 1859….. Daniel E. Sickles, a New York Congressman, was acquitted of murder on grounds of temporary insanity.

This is the first time this defense was successfully used in the United States.  The old “temporary I-lost-my-wits-and-all-about-me” defense.  I can hear the gavel hit the bench as I type.

Old Man Sickles killed his wife’s lover.  Shot him dead in front of the White House.  The stud-muffin’s name  was Philip Barton Key II.  Old Philandering Phil…. was … by the way… was the son of Francis Scott Key (the composer of the Star Spangled Banner).  How’s that for your dawn’s early light?

But back to Sickles.. and the outcome of his trial.  Boy oh boy….. did that ever open a can of worms. Insanity Plea.   It is not surprising though.  Sickles was a bit of a colorful and controversial character.  He plucked around scandal like a turkey farmer the day before Thanksgiving.

In 1852, Sickles married Teresa Bagioli against the wishes of both families.  He was a weeee bit older….  Danny Boy was 33 and his new wife Teresa only 15 years old.

He went on to cause a lot of trouble most everywhere he went.  Sickles’s career was replete with personal scandals.  He got hollered at…. sternly, I might add…. by the New York State Assembly…… for escorting a known prostitute, Fanny White, into its chambers.   He also took little Fanny all the way to England, leaving his pregnant wife at home….

That might of had something to do with his wife fooling around with Cutie-Pie-Phil.  Ya’ think?

At any rate.  They found Sickles innocent.  Yes.  He was out of his head with jealousy and rage.  Justifiable homicide.  And there you have it ….  The whole ball of wax.

Well… not quite the whole ball.  A few years later… the Civil War started. Sickles volunteered… and was eventually promoted to General.  And then he got his leg shot off by a canon ball in the Battle of Gettysburg.  Kapow.  Actually… it had to be amputated… but I won’t go in to all the details of that injury.  And that is the whole enchilada.

Well… not quite the whole burrito.  Some years later….. the Army Surgeon General  asked for “donations” of  “specimens of morbid anatomy”  …. as artifacts of the Civil War.  They wanted them for a display in the Army  Medical Museum in Washington, D.C.   Coolio.  The Display of Morbid Anatomy.

Well guess who kept his kicker?  Old nutty-man Sickles.   I bet he even named the thing.

He preserved the bones from his leg and donated them to the museum in a small coffin-shaped box.  He also wrote out a little card that said…. “With the compliments of Major General D.E.S.”  Sweet.   He should have just written… “To Sir… With Love.”

For several years thereafter, he reportedly visited the limb on the anniversary of the amputation.   Limped the whole way there and back…. I’ll bet ya’.

So.  Just a little chunk of history.  Not exactly main stream… but colorful.

Dan, the one-legged-whacky-man.  Yep.  That old temporary insanity defense had to get its start somewhere….. even if it was a LAME defense…..

“Insanity is relative. It depends on who has who locked in what cage.”  -Ray Bradbury

One of my favorite things to do… especially in this city… is go out to eat.  So many great restaurants here, there, and everywhere.  Tonight we went to a place up the street called Eli’s Table.  Absolutely phenomenal dinner…. in every way.

There was a rather large group of us.   Most people ordered seafood this evening, myself included.

As I looked around the table, I notice a very interesting phenomenon.  The main course was directly related to the profession of the diner.

Sitting next to me was a Piano Player.  He had the Tuna.
A Shoe Designer was with us tonight.  She ordered the Sole.
There was one Politician who joined the ensemble.  He ate the Shark… of all things.
And a Priest was there at dinner also.  He had the Monkfish.
Community Organizer…. the Grouper.
The Veterinarian couldn’t decide between the Dogfish and the Catfish.  She ordered both.
We also had a Trumpet Player in the party.  She had the Blowfish.
One Woman is going through Menopause.  Crab.
And the Shortest Guy at the table ate the Shrimp.
The Compulsive Liar ordered the Flounder.  When it came out he said he ordered the Herring.  The Red Herring.
My nearest and dearest friend… of course… had the Angel Fish.
Me?  Well, I am a Photographer through and through.  I had the Snapper.

Through all of it though….. the busy Fish Chef had a Lox on his plate.

“An optimist laughs to forget, a pessimist forgets to laugh.” – Unknown

“That is the best – to laugh with someone because you both think the same things are funny.” – Gloria Vanderbilt

My list of favorite things is pretty wide-ranging.  Photography is right at the top.  I think it can be quite magical.

The entire concept of it astonishes me. That single moment…. one brief little instant… is forever fixed and captured. And it transforms the real life experience from a three dimensional realm to the second dimensional plane. Evermore caught in time. This photography thing is a profound entity…. I think.

I love old photographs. I collect them.

I like to do restoration work on them. So while the one posted this evening, obviously isn’t my image, I have been doing a restore on it.

This image is exemplary of why I love photography so. It has grasped this amazing moment, and held it still…. for the rest of us to see.

I don’t know who she is. Or what year this may be. Or even where this was taken.

But to me it is magical. A woman. With her little dog. Sharing a wonderful interaction… so long ago. So sweet and tender. It makes me imagine…. so many things. I feel like I become some sort of a Time Traveler… catapulted back through the years… to that moment on the beach. That little mystical, magical moment… between this woman and her dog.

That’s something. Really something.  Yes.  I truly love the captured image.

“Why is it that every time I’m with you, makes me believe in magic?” – Unknown

Speculation is a heck of a word in our language. Now isn’t it? There is an awful lot of speculation that goes on in our world on a daily basis.

The word itself sounds more like something that would be associated with a really bad cough. “Is the patient speculating when they cough?” But, in reality, the word means “to form a theory about a subject without firm evidence.” Speculate.

A couple of groups in particular who are great at speculating are “Political Analysts” and “Talk Radio/ Talk TV Personalities”…..

About the first group. All I have to say at this point…. is we have a LONG way until November.

Now concerning the second group.  I try to stay away from opining about too much here. But this one has bothered me all week… and I really feel the need to give it a yammer and a nail.

I have never met Bill O’Reilly… a Talk TV Personalitiy.  I don’t know what kind of a guy he is in “real life”… if he is nice or mean…. or funny, boring, happy, miserable, kind, or a butt. Never met the guy. But I do know that he made a comment this week which I found extremely troubling. It was about Whitney Houston. (I didn’t know her either… or what she was like… and I sure wasn’t in her hotel bathroom when she died.)

But the O’Reilly comment was this. “Whitney Houston wanted to kill herself. Nobody takes drugs for that long if they want to stay on the planet. The hard truth is that some people will always want to destroy themselves, and there’s nothing society can do about it.”

Holy smokes. Is this guy working for the Psychic Network?  He knew Ms. Houston wanted to kill herself?  But wait…. there’s more….

Let me just talk about this on a few different levels.
1. As far as I know… the autopsy report has not been released. Every report about the “cause” of her death (at this point) is….. speculation.

2. Okay. Okay then.  Let us now speculate a little on our own… and say that Houston, did in fact, die of an overdose. (It is true she had been in and out of rehab several times to treat addiction of drugs and alcohol during the course of her life.)
But here is just a little FYI for you Bill. Alcoholism, and Drug Addiction, have been given the classification as illnesses… much like the body suffers from other illnesses such as Cancer, and Alzheimer’s.

And while there is no cure for Substance Addiction, there are treatments.  Similarly…. there isn’t a cure for Cancer yet…. or for Alzheimer’s either.  However there are treatments.  So what is your idea Bill … just because there isn’t a cure for these things… we shouldn’t be wasting our precious time on these weak minded and weak bodied individuals?  We should simply give up on them.

It is fourth and inches…. and you think we should punt the ball?

Yep.  Why not.   Just round ’em all up and put ’em on an island somewhere… so they can shrivel up and die…. far, far, away…. where we don’t have to bother with them in “good society” any more.  They are going to destroy themselves anyway, right?   Survival of the fittest, I guess.  This new set up could be similar to the Leper Colonies in olden times.  Perhaps that is where they should go?  Society can’t help them.  No place for them here.

Well…. I have yet another news flash Bill. There are lots of Alcoholics, and Addicts…. who are in a daily reprieve. They live their lives…. one day at a time…. making constant deposits on their sobriety savings account. It isn’t an easy road for them, but each day… they wake up… and don’t drink that day… or don’t do drugs that day.

Here’s another thing.  A lot of them have gone on to be “important” people in this world. Nobel Prize Winners. Politicians. Actors & Actresses. Authors. Athletes. Grocery Store Clerks. Truck Drivers. Computer Programmers. Activists. Clergymen/women. Bankers. Hot Dog Vendors. Important People, each one.

I do not know Mr. O’ Reilly… one way or the other. I just didn’t like what he said this week. That is a truth. It is also true that he was the Punter on the Club Football Team while in college. His ability to punt has stuck with him.  At least…. that is what I would speculate.

(Today’s Photo…. Two Mules.  People have a lot of different names for mules.)

Most of the time, I try stay on the even keel.

I think it is better that way. For me, at least. I try not to get too crazy excited about anything, or at the other end of the scale… too terribly upset.

First the elation part. I am a bit of a kid at heart. This is true for a lot of reasons. But the main one being, I have whopping portion of 10-year-old-brain inside my head. I’m stuck in that excitement of when things turned from black-and-white on the TV…. to technicolor. Holy Prisms Batman. Pet Rocks. Pez Dispensers. And Leave It To Beaver.

Yes, my ten-year-old brain that still gets giddy when I watch cartoons… and can’t resist the urge to skip down the street at times…. and speak in made-up voices… and play tricks on people.  Yes… I really do have a bunch of Sock Monkeys in my office.  I also get AE.  Anticipation Excitement.  Typically associated with Christmas Mornings and Birthdays.

That part of me I have to quell.

Same with the other part…. the portion of me that gets deplorably upset about things. Oh I steam. I can rant, I’ll tell you. I’ve been known to thunder about and show distress.  And it doesn’t happen often… but once I hit that mark…. Yowza.

Tonight, I heard a little piece of news that tipped my teacup.  I’m not even in the “thick” of the situation…. I just have had knowledge about it.  A secondary involvement. But boy oh boy did I ever see red. Hopping mad. Foaming at the mouth. Irked, vexed, and livid. So you see… it is best if I don’t go there.

When my boat gets rocked… well …..then I have to call on Yoda… and all the Forces that Rule the Light Side.  I have to get back to that place in center… that even keel. The Middle Earth. But…. sometimes it is hard to find it again.

So…. it is best that I never leave the equator. Walk that center line.  Yep. Right down the old pike.  Stay off the curves.

What was I so upset about?

I heard on the news they are really, in truly,  going to remove the pink slime that McDonald’s dips their hamburgers in. Yes… they are getting rid of the very tasty Pink Slime….just because it contains a bit of ammonium hydroxide.  Pissshhhhaaaawwww.

First Wendy’s changes their french fries.. and now… Micky D’s is banning my favorite side…. the delectable pink slime.

ARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHH! What’s next?   What…. like……  is Burger King going to fire their King Dude with the over-sized head and crown….?

What’d you just SAY about the Burger King Big-Headed Dude?

“Become a student of change. It is the only thing that will remain constant.”  -Anthony J. D’Angelo

Valentine’s Day… come and gone.
I wrote you a poem. But it stunk.

So now that I’ve scrapped that idea… and everyone is probably dog tired about hearing the normal Valentine’s Day schlop….

Instead.  Some fun things to think about…. that are loosely related to Valentine’s Day activities…

1. You should call someone you love on Valentine’s Day… and when you do… think about this. The dial on the prototype of the rotary telephone contained numbers 00, 01, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06, 07, 08, 09, 10, 11, 12, and special character “Z.”  So many numbers… so little time.

2. This year,  Valentine’s fell on a Tuesday. Most bank robberies occur on Tuesdays. I wonder if today was better, or worse, for that statistic.

3. Of course, love is in the air. Just don’t put on any baby powder. Rabbits are sexually stimulated by the scent of talcum powder. This could be bad for you if you walk in the woods… or through pet stores.

4. Paris is the city of Love. Gustave Eiffel, designer of the Eiffel Tower, enjoyed a successful career as an architect despite having dyslexia and a paralyzing fear of heights.  Although,  on the blueprints…..  he initially named that big steel structure….. ‘El Fife Wrote’.

5. And here’s a big kisser for you…. the medical term for cold sores is herpes simplex.

6. Who doesn’t love a big-red-heart-shaped Jell-O mold on a day like today?  Some flavors of Jell-O that never caught on include cola, chocolate, celery, apple, and coffee.  Jiggly.

7. And for the guys…. just be glad you are human.  The only job of male bees is to mate with the queen. Those that do…. die in the act.  Gives new meaning to the term….. Honey.

8. Need tickets for a date out on the town? World Wrestling Federation attendance falls significantly on Valentine’s Day.  Go figure.

9. Oh, Valentine’s Day….  a big selling day for chocolate.  Hershey’s Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it’s kissing the conveyor belt.   That’s what Hershey says.  Truth is…. it sounded a lot better than ‘Hershey Squirts.’

10. The oldest surviving love poem till date is written in a clay tablet from the times of the Sumerians, inventors of writing, around 3500 B.C.   Transcribed… it roughly says…  “Don’t forget to pick up milk and diapers on your way home from work.  If you forget again, I will call you a jerk.”

Yes, love is in the air.

I like to buy “The Girls” presents from time to time.

Maxine, Frances, and Ollie… that is. The thing about buying something for them is seeing the shear jubilation that erupts from their little spirits when they are presented with such a gift.

Humans are gracious. They nod, smile, and say “Thank You” politely. But dogs…. they receive gifts with reckless abandon. They jump, and bark, and wag, and drool.   Dogs  become completely engulfed with excitement.  And all over a plastic bone.

The other day I went out and bought them each a little something. For Frances… I picked out a stuffed squirrel, for obvious reasons. Maxine got a chicken. She likes to bark at the a little group of Street Chickens that have found their way to Downtown Charleston. And finally, for Ollie…. a stuffed pink pig. I picked out the pig for Ollie because it seemed like just the right toy for our little girl.

Of course, all three dogs were crazy for their new cohorts. But Ollie. Oh Ollie. She loved her little pig. For three days she carried it with her religiously. She would barely set it aside. She slept with it… cavorted with it.. ran through the house with it. The little pig became her constant companion.

And then. This morning…. something terrible happened. It was bad. Yes, something transpired between Ollie and her little pig.

I have no idea how the disagreement began, what it may have entailed, or even who may have started it. But the argument and altercation that ensued was one of major proportions. Paramount dimensions.

All I know for sure is…. Ollie turned on the pig.

I asked France what might have happened. She said there was something said about Ollie’s curly tail…. and then Ollie called the pig a real boar. Then they started doing Karate and the pork chops were flying…

Same question went to Max. She thought they were doing some sort of Living Room Theatre Production of “The Three Little Pigs” and Ollie got a little carried away in her role as the Big Bad Wolf.

Finally, I asked Ollie. She is not talking. However, she has displayed more than her fair share of remorse throughout the day. In fact, she went to bed very early this evening.  You know…. I really think she is mourning that pig.

“You cannot prevent the ‘Pigs of Sadness’ from walking on your farm.  But you can prevent their making a mudhole outside of your barn.” – Old Chinese Proverb

Okay… so I made up tonight’s quote… but what do you say about a dead stuffed pig?

I’ve mentioned this before, but I used to think God’s name was Howard. This seems to be a pretty common mistake with little kids. It all goes back to The Lord’s Prayer… “Howard be thy name.” But it went on with me. I thought Jesus’ real name was Will. His big chore was to keep track of his dad’s nitwits … or something along those lines.  Yes.  He was in charge of the King’s Dumb. “Thy King Dumb Come, by Will be done.”

As I look back, I botched things up a bit all over the place. When we studied the Constitution in grade school, I thought there was a stipulation about wearing t-shirts and tank tops. Yes. The Right To Bare Arms. I determined this was some pretty stealthy thinking on the part of our Founding Forefathers. Indeed. Enough with their staunchy waistcoats and wigs… they wanted to get some sun on that skin and show off their guns.

But they were talking about the OTHER guns.

Which brings me to the next topic…. which is the latest viral video.
I’ve seen it numerous times on Facebook. You probably have too. It is the video of the father… shooting his daughter’s laptop with a .45 caliber weapon… because his daughter made some derogatory remarks about he and his wife (the girl’s mother) on Facebook.. ”

A whole lotta’ people on line have cheered him… applauded him… for his parenting methods. They have posted it… and hit the little thumbs up.

Somebody help me out with this one. Drop me a note. Explain it to me. I am a firm believer in the U.S. Constitution and the 2nd Amendment… which is of course… the Right to Bear Arms. Who knows… I might even own a gun or two. But that is not the point.

What I don’t get is this guy’s message to his daughter. Which is….ultimately… if you are upset, angry about something, disagree with someone, …. you simply take out your gun and you shoot the living sh*t out of it. Blow it away. Problem gone.

Except for one eeensy, teeeensy, weeeensy little thing….. you probably shouldn’t do that in the real world… in a functioning society. It is just wrong, I think.   Angry with your boss? Or your wife? Same methodology in place sir? How about to a lesser degree… the ATM Machine… or the DVD player. Oh no… the kid got your order wrong at McDonald’s… or… how about…. perhaps …… you disagree with a member of the United States Congress… say someone like Gabby Giffords. What then?

I believe it is the wrong message.  I think Howard and Will would back me up on this one.