
The following account is not only based on actual events…. it truly IS a whole bunch of actual events… so here it goes.
Every once in a while, a dog goes missing here in downtown Charleston. Since there are a lot of rather “select” pure bred dogs in the area… the first assumption is that the dog was stolen.
About a month ago then, a dog in our neighborhood was reported as “lost”…. His name was Skip… a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel… who lived at the corner of Legare and Tradd Streets. Posters went up. Emails went out to the neighborhood group. APB for Skipper.
Happy news. About 4 days later, Skip was found…. several blocks away hiding in an alley way. They had to drag him home…. kicking and screaming. The reason for this is to follow.
So. Today. I am out walking OUR three dogs. We had had quite the eventful walk from the very get-go. We were accosted by at mob of tourists… with no personal awareness…. other than the viewing the next “thing” on thier walking tour. We had to get by the Corgi Brothers, and also past the Terrors of Twenty-One (that is…. the three barky-dogs next door). Two beagles stopped us on King Street…. and we had a fly-by by two donkeys pulling a carriage. All this… in the first couple of blocks.
So I decide to regroup…. I say to my good dog companions …. “Girls. Let’s redirect our walk over to Legare. No one is ever down that way.” It went pretty dang well I’ll tell you.. … at first.
We approach the corner of Tradd and Legare. You know. Where Skipper lives. We round the corner, and suddenly, in a hairy-flash-of-rocket-speed-and -fur…. we are ambushed. Through the wrought iron fence leaps SuperFly…the Evil-Blimp-Kitty.
Yes, a cat jumps out… paws extended… mouth open…. popping and hissing mid-air. She hits Frances first… right on the back. She dug in and held on to Frances like a Bull Rider to a bull. Max and Ollie are dumbfounded. Frances jerks in amazement… and I imagine… pain. Ollie begins to bark.
Bad move for you Ollie. The cat then springs on to her. But not on Ollie’s back… this demon cat goes for the face. She pops Ollie a few times.. hard. Ollie shrieks.
Now…. Maxie is loving all of this. Ollie is getting the snot knocked out of her…. a Red-Letter Day for Maxine. Oh… but the cat…. Betty Lou is what I am calling her by this point in the game … …. goes for the little joyous dog, Maxine. Same face attack. Maxie yelps. She yelps again.
I notice a big black motion blur to my right…. “Oh NOOOOO Frances…. don’t wrap around me….” and BAM! … … down I go… ankles wrapped tightly in dog leash. The melee continues as Betty Lou aggressively assaults the canines. No holds barred. Betty Lou is relentless. And swift.
More yawlping and screaming. I begin to join in with the screaming. I am trying to crawl away and drag the dogs with me… but the cat will not retreat.
Now a young “Lance Armstrong” looking fellow pulls up on his racing bike. He decides to help. “Here Kitty. Kitty-Babe… come here,” he submits.
I call out… “I am so sorry… we were just walking by your cat and she flew out of nowhere.” He… now realizing the severity of the situation… begins to back up… and timidly says… it isn’t my cat.
“Great.” I say. “Can you call 9-1-1?” I am joking, of course…. but I think he is considering the call.
I try to pull the cat off Ollie…at this point. The Savage-Beast-Cat has a firm grip. “Betty Lou…. Go on! Get away.”… I plead. The cyclist now begins calling for Betty Lou… from the safety of his bike.
“Here Betty Lou. Here Betty Lou. Nice Kitty.”
“It isn’t really her name…” I interject.
Finally, by some miracle… I get to my feet, and drag my dogs a few houses down. “Thanks for you help… ” I call back.
Faintly… I hear the Biker-Good- Samaritan utter… “Please don’t leave me here….. …. …”
And we make our way around the next corner.
Now back to Skip. It is my contention… and assertion…. that this poor dog is under constant fear and assault from his counterpart… Betty Lou. This smart dog, packed his little King Charles Spaniel Suitcase… and got the heck out of dodge. He found a nice little hiding spot in Liberty Alley… until someone spotted him. He was drug back home… to the snare of snaggle-toothed Betty Lou.
In all my days… I have never… ever… encountered the likes of Betty Lou. I think this cat was on crack. Seriously. Or maybe a catnip bender. I don’t know.
But the bottom line is…
Only YOU can talk to YOUR cat about catnip abuse. Don’t let this happen in your home. A kitty brain is a terrible thing to waste.
Or in Betty Lou’s case…. just a terrible thing. Period.
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.” – Hazel Nicholson